Chapter 4: Royals and Commoners

 

           

            At lunch, I was a little more cheerful after weapon training. It was way better than hand to hand training. We did some exercises with a sword. I even got to duel with one of my classmate, Matt Parket. The teacher, Mrs. Wilson seemed to be impressed by our skill. I was in the cafeteria which looked a dim light restaurant. It was huge and full of people. Some was feeding while others were getting feed upon. Yeah, there were humans in the cafeteria, I don’t know how they got there, but they didn’t seem to mind getting bitten. They weren’t in any kind of pain I could see. They were screaming in pain just moaning like they were being pleased. Other people didn’t seem to care I watched them walk by laughing, and gossiping while the people was getting bitten. So I guess it was alright still gave me goose bumps.

            “Don’t worry, you got use to it. Everyone does eventually,” I turned around to see Mrs. Peterson behind me, “Just want to see how you are doing?”

            “Everything is great, but how is my case going?”

“Your case is going great” she smiled

            I said “Yeah, then you would mind updating me with process.”

She smiled “Of course.”

            “So aren’t you going to tell me?” I asked

“Tell you what?”

            That my friends are dead, you know Jordan Welling and Betty Summers all found dead.”

            For the first time, Mrs. Peterson looked out of place like she was surprise that I knew that.  She just looked at me like she was trying to figure me out. After a few minutes, she finally said “How do you know that?”

            “I know anything.”

“Then you know about that you are being chase by the FBI. It seems like that your foster father’s brother is an FBI agent and he wants your head,” Mrs. Peterson said, “Just be careful.” Then she walked off.

            Then someone said “Wow, I don’t know whether to call you lucky or unlucky.” I turn to see Matt taking a seat beside me with some of his friends.

            “Why would you say that?”

He said “You know Headmistress Peterson. Most people who do wish they didn’t. A strong woman and a beautiful one you never would have guessed she was about three hundred years old,” I stopped eating and looked at him.

            I asked him “How long have you guys been here?”

One of the guys said “We been here for a few months now. I’m Brian. This Phil and that Patrick” Phil is tall, strong looking, and had black buzzcut hair with green eyes. Patrick is also tall, skinny, and had brown hair with brown eyes. Brain on the other hand looked much like Matt with brown hair and blue eyes. It seem like they formed a little group.

            Matt said “Yeah, we know practically everyone in this school.” He looked over at a table where Amy was sitting at with Adam. “Those people over there are royals, children of rich and powerful people. They have powerful spells and they think they own the school.”

            “Let me guess they do?” I said before taking another bite of my burger.

Brain said “They would if this was any other school, but Headmistress Peterson does not play favorites.”

            “That what I like best about Peterson, she doesn’t care who you are or what kind of family. She treats everyone the same. She really gives the royals a hard time, because they can get a little carried away” Matt said

            I said “That’s nice and what about those people over there” I looked at Alexis’s group who looked all serious eating their lunch.

            “Oh the A team, yeah most novices don’t get into squad until second year however there four got into a squad the moment they talked. Alexis, what a peach everyone been to tap that. No luck” Brain said

            My infamous temper started acting up again, but I wasn’t angry at Brain or Matt. Okay, I was a little mad at them, but I was madder at myself. I had a beautiful relationship with Alexis.  She was my first love and everything was going great until I let her go. Now she hates me because I break her heart. Man, I am a dumbass. I have to move on, but it would be best if she moved on first. It would make it a lot easier for the both of us. She just gets over me then she would stop hating me, and maybe I stopped feeling like I let her down. Who am I kidding? I will always feel like I let her down. I just want her to be happy.

            Then I saw three beautiful girls just as beautiful Alexis is walked by me with Amy not far behind. She looked a bit out of place near them. She noticed me and gave me a little smile. I couldn’t help, but smile back. Everyone was looking at them like they were goddesses of the school, and the way they walked they knew it. Every guy jaw dropped as they walked by them. I was the oddball, because I was busy looking at Amy and everyone else.

            Patrick said “The Darcy sister, Anna, Sarah, and Gabriella. The hottest girls in the school, they have Alexis beat.”

            I said “You’re forgetting one.” Patrick just looked at me with a confused face. “Amelia Darcy, the princess”

            “Oh yeah, everyone is talking about that. Everyone really surprised by the queen’s choice.” Phil said

            I said “Maybe the queen saw something we don’t.”

            “Like what?” Matt said

            That question buzzed inside my head like an angry wasp sting every corner of my brain. There was no answer to my interesting question. I looked at her as she looked back at me. She smiled and gave me a little wave. I waved back and suddenly everyone was looking at us. I felt like I did something forbidden to enact with her or something. After a few minutes, they all turned around and when back to their original business.

            I asked ‘What was that all about?”

Patrick said “Commoners like ourselves don’t usually enact with the royals especially prince and princess.”

            I looked over at Amy’s table and it was buzzing with different people talking. I tried to listen focusing all my concretion on my hearing. I learn this in my weapon combat class. It was helpful when looking for an opponent who hiding waiting to strike. Unfortunately I’m not use to hearing vampire. They were talking in different frequents. Some was extremely high and fast while other were very low, but still just as fast. Although I did hear someone in the crowd say Nick so at least I knew what they talking about.  Then suddenly Amy got up from the seat and walked away. As she walked past me I felt sad like it was my fault, but it wasn’t my fault. It was their fault, those royal b******s. I got up and followed her.

            I felt sorry for her and I want to see if she was okay. I followed through the courtyard and man she can she move. I actually had to push myself a little to keep up with her. I followed her to the forest where she was sitting on a log. She wasn’t crying it seem she was more mad than sad. I walked up beside for a moment it seems like she didn’t noticed. She sat there with a scold on face. We said completely nothing. We sat there in completely silence. I decide to break the silence.

            “So was that all about?” I asked

She looked at me with those deep brown eyes. “Just my family and concerned friends all worry about my involvement with you.”

            I said “What’s wrong with me?”

“They don’t want me to hang out with you because they fear it might ruin my reputation.” She said rolling her eyes. “Is it weird that I can talk to you a boy I only knew for a few hours yet I can’t even talk to my family?”

            “Everyone has family problems. No family is perfect no matter who are you royal or commoner, human or vampire.”

            “What about your family? I mean you must have a group of close friends, right?” She asked

            “Yeah, there were seven of us, Alec, Alexis, Kim, Sam, and Mike. Mike was the oldest and meanest yet Mike and I got along great, but they’re all gone now expect for Alexis. She completely hates me” Amy placed her hand on top of mine.

            Amy looked at me and then I noticed Adam was standing right in front of us. I guess I expect him to look mad, but he didn’t look like he was going to explode. I removed my hand and Amy noticed Adam. 

            “That’s not good” she whispered

I whispered “Yeah, maybe if we pretend we don’t see him. He’ll just disappear” Amy chuckled and then gave me a little hit.

            “Doubt it,” She looked at Adam, “Hey, Adam what are you doing here?”

Adam said “Your sisters told me where I can find you,” He didn’t take his eyes off me, “Nick, its funny how I always finding you near Amy.”

            “Not really, just talking to a friend that all” I said

Adam said “She has many friends. She doesn’t need friends like you.”

            “Well, that her decision not your!” I said

Adam yelled “You pathetic little-“then a small rock beamed him on the head. It was so fast I could barely see it. “What the hell?”

            We all turn around to see a man wearing an old fashioned suit and jacket with black slicked back hair. He was extremely pale even more pale than Adam and Amy and dark blue eyes. He smiled as if he enjoyed hitting Adam. “Sorry about that. I really hate when royals run their little mouths.”

            Adam said “You little-.” He got beam with rock again.

The man said “Adam Westner.”

            Adam said “You know my name then you must know my father and what he will do to you when he hears this.” Adam smiled at me.

            The man smiled too “Your father won’t do a thing. If he was here I would throw stones at his head. Now get out of here.”

            Adam said “Why don’t you come out here and make me. That right you can’t come out in sunlight too old.” The man grew silent as Adam started laugh almost as if he won the lottery or something. I looked over at the man as he stared at me. The next thing I know I walked over to Adam and punched in the nose. Blood come gusting out as Adam hits the ground.

            Amy said “Nick!” She rushed over to Adam who was holding his nose. I was little confused I had no idea what just happened. I looked over at the man who was laughing and pointing at us.

            I said “Hey, you made me do that.” I started walking over to the guy, but Amy stopped me. She looked very scared and so was I a little. I was more angry than anything I don’t like anyone have control too much over me. I can play ball sometimes if I have to which is the reason I still here, that guy had complete control over me.

            “Of course, I’m a vampire and now children it’s time for you to leave. Oh, Nick I’ll be seeing you real soon. Me and you have a lot to talk about.” Then he shut his door. I help Adam up and we head out the forest. As soon as we got to the courtyard who would be waiting for us, but Mrs. Peterson and Peter. I had a feeling I was going to be in trouble.

Reviews

[Mary Evans]

Ok good job with simplifying long sentences. Now that you have the basic small ones you can try slipping in more details and comparisons in order to make the story more descriptive. But before that, work on fixing your sentence structure.

"Some was feeding" Its "some were"

"They were screaming" Its weren't i believe, a typo. Also when you say this sentence you don't need the previous since they say the same thing in different way.

"people was" Its were. "People" is plural.

"So I guess it was alright still gave me goose bumps." Consider revision or just slip one "but it" before "Still"

"you got use to it" Its "you get used to it" or You'll get used to it" since got is past and he hasnt really gotten used to it in the past.


"I turned around to see Mrs. Peterson behind me" That's a very and i mean very common and typical error. If you're turning around, apparently the person is behind you, there's no need to say its a kind of repetition.

"she was surprise" You're missing a "d" in the end, a small typo.

"I know anything" You mean everything? Anything is used in questions or negative statements.

"being chase" Missing "d" in chase.

"hen she walked off.Then someone said " Avoid using Than in the beginning of two consequent sentences unless intended.

"Most people who do wish they didn’t" I don't seem to understand this sentence.

"Phil is tall, strong looking" your whole story is in past, don't switch to present. The same for the next sentence by the way.

"It seem like " You mean seemed like?

"buzzing with different people talking" Again if they are buzzing isn't it obvious they are talking?

"concretion" you mean concentration? Its just awkward to use that word in suck way.

"frequents" You mean frequencies? And around there you have lots of tense error's. I'm not going to point them all out the review is getting way too long as it is.

"we said completely nothing." Just get rid of "completely" is sounds awkward.

"So was that all about" You're missing a "what" after "so"

"always finding" its "find"

"and jacket with black slicked back hair" the jacket has black hair?

"Then he shut his door." I'm confused, since when is there a door in the forest?

So yeah good job at the story and character development. Work on the writing though, i still see a lot of small errors.