In the Loss of Bliss Seek Ignorance

In the Loss of Bliss Seek Ignorance

A Poem by Sirajudin Matin



This bliss I’ve lost,

And now this truth,

Unveiled by clumsy hands.

Has imbedded in my head,

The curse of knowledge,

And in turn has twisted thought,

For now I cannot dream.

© 2008 Sirajudin Matin

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1) "And in turn has twisted thought," Has a good ring to it.
2) "For now I cannot dream." Though it ends sort of awkwardly, it is a good awkward, like it shakes the reader.
3) Love the title

Could change:

1) Your first line seems to not match the mood exactly with the rest of the poem.
2) "Unveiled by clumsy hands." I feel the phrase "clumsy hands" can be improved upon. My gut is telling me something, though I can't explain in a technical way.
3) "Has imbedded in my head," For some reason, the sound-sense here seems too harsh for my ear. But that's just my ear. Other people might enjoy it.

Posted 8 Years Ago

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Added on February 26, 2008