Jimmy

Jimmy
 
By:
Richard D. McGehee
 
Jimmy’s words kept playing over and over in my mind. Each syllable falling like a hammers blow to my soul. 
My hand reached for the Advil PM bottle on the counter as another rejection began to play in my head. 
 
I opened the child proof container and the heavenly blue pieces of sweet release danced and rattled in the bottle as my hands began to shake harder.
 
Another tear rolled down my cheeks as more of Jimmy’s words played louder in my head. 
 
'25' I thought, 'that should do it.' 
 
I shook 25 of the little blue sleeping pills into my hand and without hesitation chased them down with a stale Coke I was drinking the day before.
 
I remember how hard it was to finally share with Jimmy my true feeling of love for him. Another tear falls from my eyes as his words hammer home once again in my memory.
 
"Not right now. You're a great guy but.... It’s not you, it's me. This is our last time together. I think I wanna find a girl. I didn’t wanna hurt you so I lied. I haven’t been with anyone else I promise…."
 
Jimmy's words and the pain they brought my severely damaged heart and soul finally began to fade along with the sunlight. I lay on my bed waiting for the pills to work their magic.
 
"I love you Jimmy. I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you. I wish my love mattered to you. I wish I mattered to you.” I sobbed as my skin began to tingle. The pills were working now. Soon I will have peace.
 
One last tear slips from my eyes as I close them for the last time. Darkness consumes me.
 
I woke up to the spinning faces of my family all looking down on me with pity and sadness; instantly I remembered everything and was ashamed. 
 
One year to the day has passed and that desperate, horror filled night is well behind me. Today, while standing in front of his grave, I celebrate my life and honor Jimmy for giving the ultimate sacrifice for this beautiful country I live in. I am also here to thank Jimmy for helping me realize that love truly knows no boundaries and that some things in life are not meant to be.
 
I will always have a special place in my heart for Jimmy. He was the first person to truly accept me for who I am as a person. Jimmy truly had a beautiful soul. 
 
It is the presence of his soul and the love and acceptance it brings to my heart that I will cherish for as long as I live.
 
Today I feel more loved and accepted than ever before and it only took the biggest rejection of my life to get to this point. Thank you Jimmy for the lessons you taught me and the strength you gave me to move on.
 
Rest in peace my first.

Reviews

[Last2know]

wow , its like this was written for my. my name is jimmy though I'm a girl. I like two thing i this great piece of writing. 1 . until the middle you made the reader gradually fall to read and find the cause.
2. its not something that happens always in the stories. the end was great.
i personally feel this is a true story and i myself shared little pain you've caused. i like this. nice and awaking piece of true feelings.

[Richard D. McGehee]

Thank you Jimmy. :)
This piece was from a part of my past. Glad you liked it. :)

[Last2know]

:) :) i knew it. you make me feel that.

[Benjamin Chacko]

Wow ! This piece is just loaded with emotions. I literally felt my heart cringe especially at the end. It's amazing and spectacular how we can connect to your story and emotions as if we were right beside you as all this was happening. Really beautiful!