How To Get Out of Doing Your Homework

A short story I wrote for a contest at the end of eight grade where I had to write a story on how to get out of homework. Was written in about a few minutes. Enjoy!

Homework is probably one of the worst things ever given to man, right in between Nicholas Cage movies and Tilt-O-Whirls. Thankfully, I have been able to avoid these things pretty well, but it’s not always easy. Nicholas Cage movies promise you hopes of thrilling action and great actors, and Tilt-O-Whirls promise you fun and excitement. The easiest for me to avoid, though, after years and years of practice, is homework. I think the last time I did homework was kindergarten where I had to draw a picture of my least favorite thing in the world. I turned in the assignment. When my teacher asked, “Why isn’t there anything on your paper?” I confidently said, “Because the paper is my least favorite thing in the world.” Right then and there I learned that being a smart aleck isn’t the easiest way to avoid homework but I did later learn how.

Sob stories are probably the easiest ways to get out of homework. They don’t require much more than your imagination and some tears. It’s always better if you cry. In sixth grade I told my math teacher, Mr. Lee, that I couldn’t possibly do my assignment because my cousin’s friend’s brother died of a rare disease. I think it was the combination of the complexity of my story and the intensity of my sobs that got him to believe me and send me to the nurse to lie down.

Excuses are a bit more difficult. You have to be very creative and sometimes go all out. For example, to get out of a Language Arts assignment in eighth grade, I provoked my dog by playing fetch with him and not letting go of the ball. He became extremely frustrated, so once I put my homework in front of him it didn’t take long for him to rip it up. So, that morning when I used that ancient excuse “my dog ate my homework,” I watched Mrs. Winston’s eyes widen as I handed her the bits and pieces that were my homework. I’m pretty proud of that display.

Still, in the end you usually have to face some sort of consequence. So, finally, how to not get in trouble for not doing your homework is to just do it. Sure, you can cry all you want and eat as many Shakespeare essays as you want, but how do you ever expect to learn anything? I realize this isn’t a way to get out of homework, but it’s still good to do your homework. I know it seems hypocritical coming from a girl who never does her homework, but there is something I forgot to mention in this memoir of mine.

This is a homework assignment.

Author's Note

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