All stars burn out.

All stars burn out.

A Poem by Radioactive
"

Like fireflies on the inky heavens, Lit with love, and full of passion, What’s it like to die?

"
A bird suspended on the air,
They rise,
They fall,
Wherever the wind blows.

You can’t fly with no wings,
And eventually the blues and the lights will leave.

The stars that float above my sky,
Someday,
Some time,
They will die,
‘Cause all stars burn out.

Like fireflies on the inky heavens,
Lit with love, and full of passion,
What’s it like to die?

The breath of a sniper on your neck,
A lethal injection of poison,
The last view of the sky as the waves crash,
Champagne flames that nearly consume you.

How do you want to die?

Like a dying ember that burns out,
Or a shooting star that crashes to the ground, 
Eventually, it too will die out.
Nothing is forever.

© 2010 Radioactive


Author's Note

Radioactive
I want to improve my poetry, so tell me what you think. If you like it, add me as a friend.

XX
-Maddie

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Featured Review

Beautiful. The voice is so strong--flighty and desperate, hurling poignant imagery like "champagne flames" at the reader. I love how the whole piece is punctuated with questions. "What's it like to die?" and "How do you want to die?" are heartbreaking and earnest. Perfectly spaced, too.

I would suggest tuning up the language. If these were spoken word, it would be fine to say "can't fly with no wings" and "'cause all stars burn out," but in this case, I think it would strengthen the poem to say, "can't fly without wings," and "because all stars burn out."

Your first stanza is nearly flawless, but you have some subject-verb disagreement with "bird" and "they," so either change "bird" to "birds" or "they" to "it." I love the implications of this stanza, though. By saying that the bird goes wherever the wind takes it, you say that we have no control over our lives or our destiny.

One last thing: you have some images you might consider changing. "Fireflies on the inky heavens," and "dying ember" are a little cliche. And "lethal injection of poison" is a bit redundant. I can tell you're talented, so you shouldn't have trouble revising.

And one last commendation: I love how you say "my sky" as opposed to "the sky." This makes the poem so warm, so human, so personal, that it's impossible not to be drawn into the speaker's thoughts.

Lovely poem. A pleasure to read.



Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

nice....i truly enjoyed this one....just continue to let your words come from the heart ♥

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i like the ending, its very final, almost hopeless, but in a good way.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Beautiful. The voice is so strong--flighty and desperate, hurling poignant imagery like "champagne flames" at the reader. I love how the whole piece is punctuated with questions. "What's it like to die?" and "How do you want to die?" are heartbreaking and earnest. Perfectly spaced, too.

I would suggest tuning up the language. If these were spoken word, it would be fine to say "can't fly with no wings" and "'cause all stars burn out," but in this case, I think it would strengthen the poem to say, "can't fly without wings," and "because all stars burn out."

Your first stanza is nearly flawless, but you have some subject-verb disagreement with "bird" and "they," so either change "bird" to "birds" or "they" to "it." I love the implications of this stanza, though. By saying that the bird goes wherever the wind takes it, you say that we have no control over our lives or our destiny.

One last thing: you have some images you might consider changing. "Fireflies on the inky heavens," and "dying ember" are a little cliche. And "lethal injection of poison" is a bit redundant. I can tell you're talented, so you shouldn't have trouble revising.

And one last commendation: I love how you say "my sky" as opposed to "the sky." This makes the poem so warm, so human, so personal, that it's impossible not to be drawn into the speaker's thoughts.

Lovely poem. A pleasure to read.



Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love this!

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on August 5, 2010
Last Updated on August 6, 2010
Tags: stars, sky, love, die bird, breeze, stars burn out, dying stars, ember, fireflies

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Radioactive
Radioactive

meh, Narnia



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