We dance in the rain.

Those who say sunny days are happy days have never danced in the rain.

The rain pounding on the asphalt,

The sound mind-numbing,

From where we sit idle inside,

Transfixed by the fireworks of grey,

That we see only through the window,

The water as it soaks into the grass,

The mud seeps out of the ground,

Consuming the ground we trudged through,

On drier days.

We fly through the rickety doors,

Our footsteps harmonizing a rhythm of their own,

All I feel is rain and laughter,

Who needs the sun?

We slide through the muddy earth,

Under the watch of the thundering sky,

As we dance around like children,

Screaming and soaked to the bone,

I swear it’s weird,

That just last week,

We prayed for sunnier days.

Author's Note

I'll be going back there in about a week, so cross your fingers for rain! Summer is truly amazing! Tell me what you think, and if you like it add me as a friend. This is for the happy moments writing contest.
XX Maddie.

Reviews

[paradise]

Dancing in the rain one of the things that keeps me sane I love it And this poem. It made me think of all the good times I have even when it feels the worst some of the craziest things are just that amzing beautiful poem

[Katie Louise Hughes]

I can absolutely agree with the other reviews, this is such a lovely and great write! This poem creates feelings and an atmosphere that's hard to put my finger on.lol.Although, I don't tell people how to write, and I never will. (So in other words, I think the poem is great the way it is :D) I'm a beginner at poetry, and I naturally am picking more techniques up, so I'm sure you will also. I hope you keep writing :D Thanks!

[Miss Coral]

This was a great piece... beautiful phrases and images. But, for some reason the flow didn't really work for me.. I just couldn't get into it. And for this piece, I would say it's an even more important aspect than usual, as it's about dancing in the rain.
Nice piece overall, but I think that the flow could be worked on a bit.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

marvelous freeing symphony~ I love the rain~ the mud~ the wild aspect of the storm and all her gifts~ I wrote a poem called MudGirl back when I was 14 for English class~ I got an A~ I also got called to the big P's office~ it was a catholic school~ and pagan delights were a big no no~ lol
gorgeous!!!!!~

[Skye Fields]

I LOVE the rain. Love, love, love. And the poem isn't bad, either :) "Fireworks of gray" is a solid visual--really captures the water splashing and spraying from every surface. "Who needs the sun?" is another good line--adorably belligerent, like challenging the weather or God. Your last three lines form a strong conclusion. A very true one, too. We're always wishing for it to be hotter or colder or rainier or sunnier, and we hardly every appreciate the weather for what it is. That's what's nice about this poem. It's a moment of surrender, of corking your complaints and writing a blissful ode to the downpour.

Critique-wise: it seems like some of your imagery could be stronger. If you rewrite this in the vein of "fireworks of gray," you could have a truly marvelous piece. "Mind-numbing" is a bit overdone, and "thundering sky" and "muddy earth" seem redundant. By this point, the reader knows it's raining. Now take it to a deeper level. What does the air taste like? What smells surface in the rain? What does this weather remind you of? Who's with you? What does it feel like on your skin? Your tongue? Invoke all five senses. Then make up your own senses. You have a great foundation; now bulk it up with sparkling imagery.

Best,

Skye

[Shalini Dinesh (Poet's ..]

Many people love to plain in the rain, and when its within its limits its awesome... nice poem.. good luck in the contest..

[Sonia]

I really like this! I love the imagery in the first stanza, and i love how you put such a different light on what most people look down upon. My favorites lines are "From where we sit idle inside,Transfixed by the fireworks of grey," and "The mud seeps out of the ground, Consuming the ground we trudged through, On drier days."
really nicely done! :)