Silly Youth

Happy birthday.

 

I could stop time

with this blade;

 

twenty years,

three hundred

and sixty four days,

twenty three hours

and thirty three minutes

would come gushing out,

 

glide up history’s half-pipe

and spatter on the

universal clock.

 

Its relentless hands, halted,

would jitter

in congealed matter,

like the nervous

tapping of pen

upon table

 

[an electrified tar-baby],

 

never to complete a lap again.

 

But...I would probably be found out.

 

They would stitch me back together,

lace my mind with sanity,

 

and wipe the clock face clean.

 

Author's Note

Is there enough of a pause between "lap again" and "But"?
Let me know what you think of this poem. Thanks.

Reviews

[Jennifer Welker]

stunning.
stop writing such perfection!
my blood turned icy upon reading this and i was immediately propelled into relating personally. i'd never thought of suicide with such definitive end. your use of years/weeks/days/hours/minutes
offers a perspective people (beyond just the silly youth) take for granted with tossing around such grave intentions.
i loved it and i think this write should be distributed globally; it will save lives.

[zig]

this has a dark feel, i like it, like the metaphor, so close to the real thing it almost isnt meaphor, liked the ending too... nice collection piece.

[thecoolone52]

i really liked it.....

glide up history's half-pipe
and spatter on the
global clock.


that was my favorite part... nice write good luck in the short poems contest

[Not Afraid of Bruises]

I think it's good without the punctuation. The entire poem is. Well written. :)

[Blue Bard]

Ah to be twenty one again. Electric tarbaby the perfect image in context. also glide up history's half pipe and spatter on the universal clock. X games poetry. A clear vision of where one is at and where it's all going, except for the clear part. In the end, we're all pretty confused. Great as always.

[Damien Dsoul]

Oohhhhh .... I quiver at the handsome thought of watching those doctors stitch your arm back up, but other than that, that's quite an ingenious work of poetic language with the way you so vividly displayed your agressive thought. Must have just read "Catcher In The Rye" at the time you wrote this one.

[Raef C. Boylan]

what the f**k's wrong with my maths?

i wrote this half an hour before my birthday
so shouldn't it be 20 years, 364 days - not 207?

damn I'm stupid

[Jenny Davis]

Wow, this was a really tight piece and quite a ride into your mind...and time. This truly is exceptional writing, my friend! :)

[Doug]

i really liked this. the word choice and flow was stunning, and the imagery was great too. great write. keep up the good work. -doug-

[Emily B]

Perfection in every word. A stellar write.

[G. Cedillo]

i want to object at the use of the term tar-baby, i won't -- though some people would i'm sure.

this is terrifying, real, and looming. The lines hold such weight, its unavoidable that the reader's eyes slope down, lower and lower, especially after that first yell/utterance of a line = i haven't decided how it should be read aloud?
thanks again,
. g.