The Monster Under The Bed Part 2

Well there was some interest in a second part so let's see what we can do shall we?

H.I woke to a searing pain in my left arm, the sour scent of something dead seeping into my clothing and covered in something gooey.
I tried to push myself off the ground, but the pain was just too severe. I fell back into the gooey puddle.
It was dark, an inky black that I couldn't even begin to see through, and somewhere in that inky blackness was the monster who brought me here.
A scream sounded from somewhere to my left, it was so close. My heart pounded in my chest and I scooted back against the wall. Cave? Whatever it was.
"Don't move, it won't here you if you stay still. And don't speak." A voice whispered. I felt a hand find mine in the darkness. Squeezing lightly before tangling its fingers in mine.
'This is a nightmare,' I thought, 'I'll wake up and everything will be normal. Dad will be maiking pancakes, we'll go to the park and play baseball.'
I was lost in my thoughts the screaming had started up again.
"Its coming." The voice whispered tightening its grip on my hand.
I tensed up, my muscles turning into stone as I heard the metallic screech of the creature and smelled its rancid breath.
I felt the monster slip past me. Its scaly tail brushing against my leg, the razor sharp nails clicking against the stones.
It seemed like hours before the body beside me stirred, they pulled their hand away.
"Come on, we have to move now. The tunnel is lit further down by these freaky glow worms. And that thing should be asleep soon. We just have to be very quiet. Can you walk?" They said I heard a bit of movement and they pulled me up by my good arm.
"I'm Mikey. I've been down here long enough to know about the lights but haven't found the way out yet. "
I felt myself being pulled along stumbling through the darkness for what seemed like forever until the tunnel ahead began to glow a bright green color.
"What is that?" I asked the boy in front of me.
"Those are the freaky worms I was telling you about, scary looking but not as bad as that monster."
I nodded as we stepped into the light. "My name is Sara by the way." I added.
The worms were freaky. They were a yellow green color and dripped a green slime that you had to be careful not to step in because it looked like it was eating wholes in the floor below. They swung from side too side as if dancing to the beat of some unknown music.
I smelled flowers, which was a welcome smell to decay. We turned down a side tunnel and a natural glow met our eyes.
Mikey stopped, staring down the tunnel his blue eyes wide and slightly scared.
He was slightly older then me, maybe 12 or 13. His clothes were torn and covered in dirt and what looked like dried blood. His hair was a red brown and shaggy hanging almost to his shoulders.
He glanced at me, his eyes widening even further.
I panicked, "What's wrong?" I asked my voice cracking. I spun around thinking there was something awful behind me.
"God your arm... Doesn't it hurt?" He mumbled taking my arm gingerly and holding it up to the light.
I hadn't even realized it was as bad as it was. It didn't even hurt that bad anymore, the gash was huge. It stretched from the side of my wrist up to my elbow. The blood had already dried making me think that something in the monsters spit made it heal faster.
"It doesn't hurt... It did before but it doesn't now." I assured him, "Can we see if we can get out of here, please?"
He nodded. He grasped my hand in his and led me into the unknown room in front of us.

Author's Note

Ok planning on writing more BUT had to post this from my phone. And this was getting way longer then I thought it would be. Sooo if I get a chance there will be more tomorrow.

Reviews

[Geon Quuin]

Hello. I like the story. It's interesting. The only problem I have with this is the diction. The vocabulary isn't quite refine, but if this is intended for children, then I think it works. However, if this is intended for someone who is of age, then working on the vocabulary would be great. Since you only wrote this on your phone, I guess I really can't complain much about the structure; but other than those I mentioned, this story is very interesting. Write on!
81/100 (I rarely give out anything higher than an 80!)

[Rayne-Alexandria]

Thanks so much for reading! I tried to keep the vocabulary young sounding because the main character Sara is only ten and I didn't want to use any words that would seem "Too Old" for a story with a ten year old's point of view
Thank you so much for the review!

[Saichiro Wolftotem]

Yay! I was hoping to hear more from this one. I like the direction and I'm eager to see more.

[Rayne-Alexandria]

Thanks so much. I thought I did pretty good writing it from my my phone lol. Hopefully I'll get some time in the next couple days to work on it