Betrayal

Betrayal a word that says i feel more than pain

i fell loss and disdain..

broken hearts with no names..

family loss at family's hand..

battered bruised beaten 

clouded confused conceding 

lost without meaning 

dreaming drifting dreaming forgetting losing all its meaning 

no more!

no more!

I cant take it anymore 

I'm broken lost and poor 

I'm crawling for the door

I'm crying on the floor

tears in blood 

gasping for air 

i cant handle anymore drowning in Betrayal

 

 

Reviews

[olla]

everyone that has lived long enough has felt the sting of betrayal.. the line "family loss at family's hand" a powerful statement.. it is only those we hold dear that have the power to inflict the pain of betrayal.. it is why we cry on the floor while crawling to the door..

I hope you stick around.. I hope this isn't all there is.. welcome to WC..

[RayXor]

thank you. im sure i'll be around for quite awhile.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for your entry. I will refrain from comment until contest's end.

[Baby Ricochet]

Betrayal. My girlfriend, being human, has a concept of betrayal. My cat, who's a feline, does not. If I stroke another girl, say, go to a t***y bar and get a lap dance from a hot little stripper, a great many people would consider that betrayal, even if my girl never found out. If I stroke another cat, even in the presence of my cat, no matter what the circumstance, one would be hard pressed to find someone who would say I betrayed my cat. Well, someone from fox news might but they're idiots so who cares. Is this difference of reactions to the same action because my girl knows what betrayal is and my cat doesn't or is it because I clearly want sex with the stripper and not the cat? I'm not in a position to experiment with this idea owing to my girl might just cut my wang off if I ever did. So we'll just have to ponder on the riddle awhile.

[Sami Khalil]

"I'm broken lost and poor
I'm crawling for the door
I'm crying on the floor

tears in blood
gasping for air "



A splendid read and write. A sad realization...:)................

[RayXor]

thank you very much

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:).....

[MomzillaNC]

This one is visceral… it's not a rant, but a cry for meaning and hope. Having been abused myself, and suffered some truly vile indignities in my life, I understand the need to pen your pain. IDK if you intended to use the lowercase for your personal pronoun, but, in this case, it adds impact to the emotional state conveyed here. If it was intentional, it should be used throughout, and maybe italicized. For those, like myself, for example, who are stickers for grammatical form, I'd also add something about the deliberate use of the lowercase for the personal pronoun in the "Note for Reviewers" block.

[RayXor]

it wasn't intentional i just have major trouble with grammar and spelling. spell check catches some but i appreciate comments about grammar. how else will i learn lol

[MomzillaNC]

Well, it could be used to good effect when you make it obviously deliberate. Your prose is powerful and all else is just finesse.