Santa Claus : Exposed

the truth

Ok I know most of us don't read the instructions to anything , but i found this recently while cleaning up and thought I should bring it to light .. 

 

"Insert Tab AA into SLOT 47c .. bend tabover and seal
with enclosed tape found in bag G .

to whoever finds this:

 

I have tried unsuccessfully for decades to expose the whole truth behind the Claus family , perhaps the most corrupt family on earth .

Through my position as CEFO , I have found proof of Santa's evil, his  manipulation of the stock market , his elaborate ponzi schemes , and use of mind altering drugs and media manipulation to further his greed .

 

Under the guise of christmas cheer and the rewarding of good little boys and little girls ( another eye-opening truth to be unveiled when the facts are presented to the world )
The Claus family has instead only been self serving , only interested in expanding their power and vast wealth. 

 

I first became aware when labels began to be added to our "gifts".  Made in china , hecho in mexico, etc. With further investigation I discover that the Claus family, using our indentured labor, has been shipping our product to overseas distributors and pocketing the profits into offshore bank accounts. This lead to the discovery of a elaborate deal with the Columbians , where he has managed to work his way into the higher rankings of the drug cartel using our toys to launder their profits. In turn they have used our distribution network to traffic their "product" - White Christmas indeed.
 
I also have proof of insider trading, a legacy that goes back decades. By his offering of details of our market projections ( our Elfian technology used purely for Claus family personal gain)  he has made many of his friends rich. Oprah would not be where she is today if not for the tip of a certain "Tickle me Elmo". His country club connections are endless, ranging from Ebay's founder Meg Whitman , to Bill Gates ( again our technology sold out from under us Elves ).

His control of the media is staggering, making Corporate giants like Fox and Sony seem pale in comparison. his "feel good" approach to the season has lulled the public into a must have mentality , pushing most to the brink of insanity. I again have proof of this through the adjustment of his portfolio during this quarter, focusing on the pharmaceutical and alcohol markets.

 

Some elves have escaped this ice bound hell,  but their stories have been discounted. Labelled conspiracy theorists or wackos , they take what ever work is available , usually ending up on the mexican wrestling circuit , music videos , or episodes of Jack A*s .

Please! contact your public officials and expose the real truth about Santa Claus !

 

Use product at your own risk .

No warranty is expressed or implied .

Thank you for purchasing our product . "

Author's Note

just saying ..

Reviews

[Inkcognito]

...sounds like Santa could become our next President...corruption, bribery, money laundering, insider trading, manipulation and ?nepotism ... hell, if he's got more than 4 wives...well, he'd be bloody perfect for the job! (2 guesses which country I reside in...)
Loved this delightful expose on the mighty Claus family...bring 'em down!!
...just saying...

[LA Lorena]

LMAO! Nice work Robin! Thanks for the laugh today!

[Liza]

creative, practical, intelligent & funny - love the smart sarcasm :)

[Dream Weaver]

What ever happened to peace on earth and good will to man?
I guess I better google it lol...nicely done brother...

[TAO]

LMAO!!!! Nice, nice, nice... Robin, you're nuts. I felt, for a moment, like I was an Elf reading a memo of sorts, and I was shocked and dismayed to find out that Mr. Claus was dirty as yellow snow. Very, very nice. Thanks for helping to put a new spin on Christmas.

[MuSe Ampoule]

*looks over shoulder* So...you found my letter....wonder when that would surface.

LISTEN...I was gonna say it sooner but The Fat Man paid us a sizeable sum and slapped us with a "non-disclosure" thing pcsh...But now that the word is out I've got to add this...Santa...was actually Michael Jackson in the off season.

IT'S TRUE...have you ever seen the two of them in the same place at the same time??? And all those kids MJ had around him...elves! I swear! Never let us out of his sight...that b*****d.

Thank you brother for posting this...now we can expose Satan...er, I mean Santa for what he really is.

(Great write by the way)

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

now you gona have Santy Fass a*s and all his evil wall street gangster reindeer up your hoo haa with semi automatics fo shoure~ LOL!

[CMBryan]

Holy hell that was wonderful and just what I needed today, so first off let me just thank you for that.

Humor oozes from every pore of this piece, I simply loved it.
Choosing to use a hidden note disguised as instructions was a fantastic vehicle for this chapter was a very original choice brought all together with,

use product at your own risk .
no warranty is expressed or implied .
thank you for purchasing our product

Very original. Everything flows well and couldn't find a thing to improve upon.
Great work and just in time for the holidays.

[Michael of Gilead]

Not to mention his trade in elf slavery!

[Michael of Gilead]

if you play bernie madoffs confession backwards, it says all hail the demon Santa, all serve the master Santa....it's all true!

oh look, another one of those tiny deliciouse squares of paper....mmmmmm