Crosswalk

Read it

Five steps from oblivion.

The wind howled and its siren’s call was a forbidding voice. Encircling her like a second overcoat the gusts welcomed and her emaciated body fought to keep balance. The Oregon rain claimed this day its domain and was making the most of it. As if chaos had birthed them, the streams of rain came from all sides and seemed to center on the middle-aged woman. Hell was in the air and heaven slept this day.

Cars streamed like the rain along Burnside, and she followed the rain-slick sidewalk. It was the same path she walked to therapy. Ten minutes ago she was late. As if it was armor against the torrent, she clasped shut the jacket, that had long ago lost its last button, closed. She was the only pedestrian on the street during such a storm. The wisps of wind fought to tear away strands of her hair from her bun and welcome its hellish whim. Her silver hair marked her for someone older than 42, but life had always placed her at odds with fate. Long ago she learned life and fate played a cold game of tug-of-war with her soul.

Looking forward into the walls of mist, she saw her red knight calling her home. He sat on high in his post and was the complete power. When he commanded, everyone stopped. His power was life if you refused him. Yet, with her he didn’t want to command her. He was there to help her break free. His burning figure stared down at her. Disappearing for an instant as if undecided if he truly wanted her, her heart sunk for a tenth of a second, but he returned. Weakly, she skittered within herself to gather her strength. It was like capturing marbles on a linoleum floor. Tilting her head downward, she protected her face from the elements.

She took a step. Four.

Where are we going, Leona?

            Leona ignored him. His voice sounded on the verge of anger and understanding. She was prepared for him, both of them. Either of them could play their ploys and she would not turn away.

Leona, answer me.

She knew she wouldn’t be able to keep this secret from either of them. Honestly, she was surprised she held it this long.  She just wished she could have held out a little longer.

            “Leave me alone.” Her voice was the clearest it had been since she was born.   

            Go home. We should be at home.

            He didn’t listen to her. He never did. She was finally sick of his demands.

            Leona stop.

She stepped forward. Three.

 He was so much like her father and that was all her father did was demand of her. All her childhood she followed obediently. Searing memories flowed of her father and his beatings, no matter if she did as he said. After her father died, her first husband, Clay, took his place. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for him, and he took full advantage of that. Obedience became her existence. Two years into their marriage she had gotten pregnant and Clay hadn’t wanted a child. Obediently, she aborted it. She’d still be with him to this day, but one day he came home with a new woman and told her to leave. For the first time she was happy to do as he said. 

Leona, damn it! Go home now!

Now, he told her what she must do. It was even harder to fight him, for she could not face him. He was always there, and she could not be free of his demand. She simply fought to ignore him long enough.

            The only time she was free of dominance was with her second husband, Fred. He was a kind, caring man that worshipped her. He had wanted to her help her like her crimson guardian ahead. Yet, shortly after their daughter was born Fred died at the age of 35.

            Listen to me, Leona!

He raged. It infuriated him when she thought of Fred. It gave her happiness to remember her love.

Stop.

            “No!” She whispered harshly.

            She took a step. Two.

            Please, Leona, listen to him.

Dreading this moment, Leona ignored the soft feminine voice. Her second companion chimed-in. Her soft spoken friend was as much at his command as she was. The soft spoken one used guilt to manipulate Leona as well as played upon Leona’s desire to please. Her second companion was much like her mother had been growing up.

She had been the first of the two to befriend Leona. Leona had thought of her as a friend in a time when she needed friends. Yet, she brought the other and Leona found they weren’t their as her friends but as endless companions. They came shortly after Leona’s daughter, Katherine, had been taken by the state. Leona had needed a friend. They came.

“Not today and not anymore.” Leona said out loud to let the entire world know. A twinge of guilt claimed her.

She still missed Katherine. Social workers claimed Leona was sick. At first, she had to admit after Fred’s death she was sent reeling into a dark forbidding place. And there were times she got confused and forgot, like when she was supposed to pick up Katherine from school or make her dinner. She never would have intentionally hurt her daughter. Yet, they took her.

            That was the beginning of her despair. Katherine was her life and last link to Fred. All her life unfolded. It was easy to accept her new friends and she even welcomed him and his dominance. After time, she saw that he wanted nothing from her but control.

            She lived in a studio given to her by the same social workers. She didn’t eat until her stomach hurt and then only to stop the pain. Leona didn’t remember cleaning once in the three years since she moved there. Her days were filled with nothing. She wasn’t alone as they were always there.

She wanted to be alone.

            She took a step. One.

            The red knight was still unsure, so she paused on the ledge waiting for him to reappear.

            Damn it, Leona! I’m telling you to go home.

            “I don’t care!” She screamed into the wind letting it carry her defiance.

            “Never again, never. I will be alone. You will leave.”

            We can’t.

            “Yes, you can and will.” Leona whispered almost inaudible. No matter how soft her tone was, she knew they heard her. They were her as much as she was.

            Car engines roared as they began to move again. Looking up, the red knight had reappeared, and this time he stayed. Finally, he decided she was ready.

Whispering her thanks to her crimson guardian, she stepped off the curb and into traffic.

 

Reviews

[Tina Kline]

A really good story but rather sad
at the same time. But I did like it.

Tina