A Moment in TIme

A Moment in TIme

A Poem by Kianna Taylor
"

poem about precious moments.

"

Moments are like fireflies.

Through autumn afternoons

and spring evenings they glide

emitting unique rays of light

and when they synchronize 

they become the memory behind our eyes.

On summer nights,

we reach for them 

to catch them as they flicker

as one would reach for a camera

to catch a picture

to stuff in a jar with paintings and poetry

before the glow dies 

but sometimes,

we stand and stare

soaking in the experience

as, like stars, they glimmer in the air. 








 

© 2016 Kianna Taylor


Author's Note

Kianna Taylor
Soooo, I wanted to compare a moment in time with a firefly because I think a firefly is really small, short-lived, and something people always try to catch. Tell me what you think. Does it fit? Any improvements? I know the ending is not the best thing. I struggled with ending it right so any suggestions would be helpful.

Okay so, I changed it around a bit so that it flows better. Let me know if this sounds good or naw.

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

My Review

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Featured Review

I really like where you're going with this - fireflies are some of my favorite insects!

"they become the memory behind our eyes" is a beautiful line - love it!

One critique: when you say "From autumn afternoons/ to spring evenings" it makes it sound like the fireflies are awake and active from fall, through winter and into spring, when in fact they live from spring through the summer and into the fall. Just a little technicality.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

thanks so much!
DaughterNature

3 Years Ago

Looks much better :)



Reviews

I love being brought back to chasing lightning bugs when I was a kid (youngin). The rhyme scheme is oddly broken, which doesn't really change the feel of this piece much. Awesomely penned!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

No no! It's okay. I just really wanted to know. It helps me speculate how or if I need to make the p.. read more
Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much for your review!
Cerebriation

3 Years Ago

You're welcome. Sometimes perfect meter and flow works, and sometimes a fragmented scheme adds more .. read more
I really like where you're going with this - fireflies are some of my favorite insects!

"they become the memory behind our eyes" is a beautiful line - love it!

One critique: when you say "From autumn afternoons/ to spring evenings" it makes it sound like the fireflies are awake and active from fall, through winter and into spring, when in fact they live from spring through the summer and into the fall. Just a little technicality.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

thanks so much!
DaughterNature

3 Years Ago

Looks much better :)
~ i spent most of my childhood in a remote military base near tea gardens... which would be covered by fireflies all evening... and that carpet of tiny, flickering, dots of living light is one of my most precious memories... so i relate to this piece... ~ we (other kids and i) never tried to catch the fireflies though... we just watched them from a distance... and treasured the view...

Posted 3 Years Ago


Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

Interesting. Thanks for sharing! I think that also furthers the comparison because sometimes people .. read more
I love your idea of comparing a firefly to a moment in time. I love your straightforward & creative descriptions of the firefly and the moment in time. I'm not sure the idea of comparing the two comes across as strongly as it does in your authors notes. I always feel a poem isn't saying everything it needs to say when an explanation is needed in the notes. The poem is fine the way it is, but it just doesn't do everything that you say you wanted it to do.

Now about that ending. In my experience, fireflies do not hold up once you catch & confine them in a jar. I don't find the ending believable becuz I'm picturing a dead firefly in the jar with this other stuff. There's nothing wrong with a dead firefly, which is probably the reality of things. But maybe there could be a statement that suggest how these other things can be contained in a jar, but the firefly cannot. To me, this might be crux of this comparison.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

Yeah. I think I'm so in love with the idea that I'm finding it hard to find a proper execution for i.. read more
barleygirl

3 Years Ago

I'm not trying to tell you how to write it, but just offering ideas that pop in my head, in case the.. read more
Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

No no, the ideas were very helpful. I was able to move things around a bit so it flowed better.
I never saw a firefly in my puff. We don't get the little blighters here but I think I would have been an avid collector if we did.
The firefly is great symbol for moments that are memories because it conjures up that electrical synaptic pulse that one sees in many movies, depicting thoughts and brain signals. So well done on the metaphorical front.
The gentleness of the writing is akin to the fragility of the little creatures too.
Well done all round RealKT ;)


Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Omgeeez what a pretty poem! I definitely liked it. I don't know if fitting a character in this goes with the flow of it, though. Maybe replace the young girl with some POV like (we, you, I) stand in the grass.
And I agree with the other review that taking out SOME of the "ands" will make it stronger. like "At the time the sun..." or "YET when they synchronize" or "TO gaze at later" though I think "to stuff it in a jar" would sound better as "and stuff it in a jar"

I think it's a lovely metaphor and definitely got the catch and remember imagery down. Less so with the small and short lived, though. I think you could add another stanza for that specifically. And it also makes me think how sometimes when you catch a firefly like how you keep a memory, without proper attendance, it can whither and die. It's better to let some go instead of clinging to the past which frees you to catch many more "fireflies". Maybe even how different people hold memories. Some people catch them with their hands and let them go immediately to catch others. Some catch a few to keep for a bit before letting go or keep them till death as said before. And some will catch them to proudly display in a collection, focusing more on quantity than quality. That could add to the ending, if so desired. Love a good poem/story that has a moral to it and makes you reflect.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

Oh my goodness. I didn't even thank you, how rude of me! Thanks so much for your in depth review as .. read more
DB Heinemann

3 Years Ago

Ha, sure thing! Looking forward to future works.
The last stanza of this is my favorite! I think the comparison between reaching out for the firefly and how someone reaches out to grab their camera for a photo is great. I like that it's a real image that we can see and understand as opposed to something more vague. I think you could cut out a few unnecessary words "and, etc" and your images would be stronger.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

Thank you!

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588 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Added on December 5, 2016
Last Updated on December 11, 2016
Tags: firefly, night, life, moment, nature

Author

Kianna Taylor
Kianna Taylor

Houston, TX



About
Hi hi! My page will be full of queer affirmation, body positivity, sex positivity, intersectional feminism, and calls for racial justice. If you dislike any of these things, the exit button is som.. more..

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