Unfinished business

There is only darkness now. I sniff, the cold of the room making my nose run. I strain my eyes, trying in vain to see through the dark for even the outline of anything in the room. I hate sleeping in new rooms. There's something oddly unsettling about finding yourself blinded in a place you're not familiar with. You almost feel vulnerable. I turn around to face the wall, cuddling the duvet back into me, trying to relax myself. That's when it happens. I feel a coldness on my shoulder, and unnerving, horrible eerie coldness. It's no breeze, this is something else. I jump up, nearly collapsing onto the floor in my panicked attempt to find the light switch. My stomach is horribly aching as I look around the room, searching every corner, but seeing nothing.

 I don't think I'll ever really figure out who or what it was that touched me that night, but I think deep down, I'd rather not know. One thing I do know, someone tried to contact me, there was something they had to say, something they hadn't been given the time to say themselves. Maybe there is such a thing as spirits left behind with unfinished business. It makes me wonder just how many lost souls there are wandering this earth, trying to find anyone to help them finish what didn't get the chance to. 

Reviews

[writingurl14]

wow you really caught my attention with the first sentence! it was amazing!

[quarintine_deathangel]

An excellent beginning!thankyou for the read request! ^.^

[Owlgirl]

Wow! That was intense, well said, and amazing!

[eighwoeifj]

Very powerful descriptions. I could really feel what the narrator was feeling, as cliche as that sounds.

[Theresa]

Oh my gosh, this is gripping. I think the very first sentence brings the reader in. It is short. It is gripping. I would go with short, direct sentences in the first half until "I feel a coldness.." It adds to the suspense. It makes my heartbeat faster anticipating something is in the room. You could have fun turning this into a sci-fi kind of story.
Wonderful!

[quixotic_rose]

This was an interesting write. An odd cccurance in the middle of the night.
The 'supernatural' in the world are something all fear and get all excited about. great job at capturing the fear part, and yes spirits probably are like that haha :) nice job

[That_Girl]

"My stomach is horribly aching as I look..." my 2 cents is probably unwanted buuuut.... I think it would be smoother if you wrote 'aching horribly' instead. But regardless of your wording, this was great. I really enjoyed it. :)

[BillyGirl]

This was a good read. I've often thought of spirits whenevever this had happened to me in the past.