What It Feels To Be Alone

What It Feels To Be Alone

A Poem by Rhia Thurman
"

My struggle with depression has lasted for almost a year, perhaps more. This is me trying to explain what it's like.

"
The world is an unforgiving black 
With tendrils that stick like oil 
And drowns and stains like ink 

To others it's a pale blue or a 
Vibrant green 
They don't understand what it feels 
To be alone 

I'm crawling through tar 
I'm wallowing in cement 
People walk past on the grass and ask 
"Why don't you just walk over here?" 

Even if I could, I don't think I would want to
This is my punishment for all 
The bad things I've done or 
Thought and so I deserve to feel 
Alone 

Some days my bed is a trap 
It is not a comfort unlike others 
It is a thick net that won't let me leave 
When my brain is its own trapper 

There are some days where I am fine 
I am okay 
I can do what I want 
But these are few and far between 

There are some days where all I can 
Think of is the pain and how much I 
Deserve it because I am too 
Weak 
I am too 
Useless 

I am not the only one to feel like this but 
They have different problems 
I can never truly be accepted 
I am the only one feeling this way 

Selfish 
Weak
Useless
Selfish
Weak
Useless 
I deserve it

This is what it feels to be alone 

© 2016 Rhia Thurman


Author's Note

Rhia Thurman
Bit dark. I was diagnosed about 2 and a half months ago for the condition I have suffered with for a year, perhaps more. If I spilled every thought that helped me explain how it feels, this would be a very long poem. As it stands, I have work today so I can't go into too much detail. I'll be honest, this is a big step for me, considering I have friends and now family on here who will probably read this. Reviews are welcome. Anything that is offensive will immediately be flagged and removed. Constructive criticism is also welcome!

My Review

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Featured Review

Hey Rhia,
This is such a beautiful poem, your use of colour to describe emotion is a true skill. The difference between being happy and feeling empty, especially the cement and the grass gives true expression to your writing.
Also the layout and style of the poem only adds to emotion you've filled this poem with, the enjambment and one word lines puts emphasis on the feeling of being lost.
It is truly beautiful and hits the spot.
Amazing write :D

Posted 4 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Thurman

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much :D



Reviews

When the last thing to do is to breakaway becomes the hardest part. Depression is no joke sickness our life is led by our mentality but it takes lots of heart and courage to pull ourselves up in order to begin and feel hopeful again. You expressed your thoughts and emotions well, very well written Rhia Thurman. Sending you positive vibes! :) "Hurrah! Hurrah!" with fist clenched raising above. :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


No one deserves something like that.. It's true we do go through such situations at one time in life, still we gotta be strong and fight.. I like the realistic approach here.. Better to let out the emotions than keeping 'em bottled up... Good write!

Posted 3 Years Ago


It is dark, but it's how you feel and if it helps you then it's the best medicine.... keep writing it until you can't write anymore.....when it comes from the heart it is creative and captivating and your poem is both!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Yes! I too have suffered a life changing condition. And depression worked its way in there too. You described the feeling so well! I hope you can find comfort in your writing. And if you ever need to vent, send me a message.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Thurman

3 Years Ago

Thank you for the offer and for your kind words!
That is amazing i have also felt this and it spoke to me. Beautiful

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Thurman

3 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind review!
Whooo.
Tough.

Reading this felt like downing a shot of a strong liquor, it burns.
Not in a bad way obviously, and perhaps I'm being overdramatic here--- But I really felt that if you take this seriously (As you ought to) it delivers a powerful messege.

Your descriptions are flawless.
The first pharse is splendid, Tendrils- oil -ink.. all words that come to life when the reader is imaginative.

Being alone is probably the most difficult experience for any human of any age. Anger, Frustration, Disappointment--- Nothing can hold a candle to true loneliness.

Thank you for the poem.
Alsooo.. .If you could recommend stories of yours that resemble 'Santa Isn't real' I'd be very happy to read them!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Thurman

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much for the review! It always means a lot when I get feedback on this poem in partic.. read more
A very good first step. It really does help to express these feelings. It is well written and easy to follow. Keep it up. I have some similar ones written under Dark_Wolf. I use Wolf_Lord for my light frilly stories and poems and Dark_Wolf for my depressive ones. Once you find you have run out of negative, you will be able to write positive again. The trick is, to get them all out in the open. If you have ones that you just feel are too dark for public... write them anyways... and then burn them... Lol. You will be surprised by what a release that is. Wolf_Lord aka Dark_Wolf but my frns just call me Wolf and I hope you will be one. Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Thurman

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much for the review :)
First of all, thank you once again for entering this poem into my contest, it was truly a pleasure to read. Now, I can relate a lot to this poem and I love the honesty and repetition of a few key words. I hope that you are not in such a dark place now but I understand how hard it can be. Feeling alone, lost and empty sucks but you worded it in such a beautiful and unique way that makes me feel less alone as a result. Also, I absolutely adore the imagery and vivid picture your poem paints. You are an amazing writer and I hope you never stop writing.
Sorry if my review sucks, I don´t usually give reviews but congrats once again on your beautiful poem.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Thurman

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much for the kind words and for placing this in your contest! :)
Very nice. Quite relatable as well. Really feels like you're reading the thoughts of someone who really feels this way (probably because it seems that you did). Great job :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Thurman

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much for the kind words :)
I will say to you that I admire your honesty. This piece brought me to reality, and I will be honest, I have wanted to ignore the fact that I feel the same exact way you do. Sadly, I wouldn't dare admit this to any of my friends, I would just try to cover up. I thank you for sharing this, it really has influenced me to confess that the feelings I am having, are actually real. Thanks again.
with love ,
Hannah Grace

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Thurman

4 Years Ago

Never believe that what you are feeling isn't real. I realise that I am, in fact, the biggest hypocr.. read more
Hannah Grace

4 Years Ago

thanks. :) and it was an honor:)

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1734 Views
26 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 8, 2016
Last Updated on April 27, 2016
Tags: depression, sad, angst, trigger warning, anxiety

Author

Rhia Thurman
Rhia Thurman

Milton Keynes, Bucks, United Kingdom



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