About me...

part of me actually

I sing in the shower only,
The four walls admire its beauty,
This is my stage,
Created by an delusional mage.

I danced in my room,
Stepped on my foot and boom,
Laughing while lying upside down,
Breaking my own crown.

I speak in front of the mirror,
Imagining a shining armor,
With a sword in my hand,
Conquering an enchanted land.

I beat the drums in the air,
Loving the bounce of my hair,
A music in my brain,
Playing again and again.

I put my thoughts on paper,
I am my world's creator,
With this, they will always remember
That someone like me exists.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

A beautiful piece. I always like poems about oneself because before anyone else, we should know ourselves.

I only have few suggestions here. You have the rhyming aabb from the first up to the fourth stanza. But I found out that you broke it in the last one with abac format.

I think it would be better if:

"I put my thoughts on paper,
I am my world's designer,
With this, they will always reminisce
That someone like me exists."

I hope this would enhance this piece. :)

[Rhianne Ney]

Sure, thanks for that (:

[Drifter]

I liked this because it tells of different things about how you are while you're alone. I think the true person and true character of everyone is expressed when no one is there to see.

[Rhianne Ney]

that's right, even the darkest secrets... ;D

[Goku]

I love how all over the place it is. I love poems like these. Where you can dissect each line and it can mean something different if you want it to.

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks for the review...

[Pax]

wow, it speaks of you brilliantly
wonderful rhyming fits really well of what you meant.
great!

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks i think it was quite an epic fail... I tried to place a rhyme

[Pax]

no, its great.. keep it up

[Rhianne Ney]

Thanks...

[Crimson Bayonet]

awesome work :D And sometimes I sing in the shower too xD

[Rhianne Ney]

Yah.... Welcome to the Golden singers group ;D lol

[.]

Great flow and rhytm! 100/100 This is always gonna lay in my library!

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks for reading and reviewing ;D

[.]

You're welcome! :)

[TheAdamBryant]

i really loved this part
I speak in front of the mirror,
Imagining a shining armor,
With a sword in my hand,
Conquering an enchanted land
i felt like a soldier from 1300 , this poem is AMAZING

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks for the like ;D
*feeling like its Facebook*

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

Excellent! You have captured a wonderful vignette of youthful exuberance and the joy of living in the moment; of being who you are and reveling in it. I ask only that you add an 's' to the very last word of the very last line; if it pleases you to do so. I think it would read a little better. Thank you, Rhianne! :o)

[Rhianne Ney]

Sure.. ;D

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good description of a interesting person. Good to enjoy life and know what you want and need. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks for the review... I really appreciate it ;D

[gombeggar]

nice...liking the imagery it creates...see some like u does exist

[Rhianne Ney]

I'm glad ;D