Relationship Help: Adult Kids Not Talking to You?

I was on Facebook this morning reading the Mother’s Day messages.  Several spoke of their sense of pain and loss that their adult children were no longer communicating with them. It was particular pain of the phone not ringing and the post box empty on Mother’s Day.  understand that.

It made me think of a few things that might be part of that conversation and I want to quickly share them with you, just case you or someone you know is experiencing this today. Maybe this post will offer a little relationship help for you: 

• Our children create the story of their lives, past, present and future. If they think something happened and they think  that it was meant to hurt them, that is the way they want to tell the story. There is nothing you can do but love them from a distance.
• In the story our children create, there may be real pain, real loss, and real abuse. What I mean by real is that it actually happened just as they remember it.  They may feel very justified in their anger and desire to end communication.  Love them from a distance.
• If we knowingly wronged our children, ask for forgiveness. If we unwittingly wronged our children by simply doing what we could, or we thought best at the time, ask for forgiveness. Love them from a distance.
• If we have asked for forgiveness and received no acknowledgement in return, love them from a distance.
• If we know we did not purposefully or consciously do anything to hurt, bewilder, confuse or endanger our children, yet they insist we did, love them from a distance.
• If they choose to punish us by withholding our grandchldren, know that the children will grow up and make their own choices. Love them all from a distance.
• If your children refuse to notice that you are not the same person you were when they were growing up, they are missing an opportunity to know you now. That’s unfortunate for all, but, love them from a distance.
• If your children do not have the perspective or willingness to admit that they were not always the angels they are thinking they were and are, hopefully, sometime before the grave, they will grow up.  Love them from a distance.
• All we can be is who we are now, and that goes for our children.  If we have moved on, learned, grown and forgiven, great.  If they cannot, love them from a distance.

No matter what, the loving you do from a distance will demonstrate who you are right now. If they are open, they will receive it. If they are not open, you can know that you continue to love them from a distance and wish them well.

Their journey is the one they choose. If they want to spend it looking in life’s rear view mirror, so be it. You know that the windshield is a much bigger window to the future than that. Hopefully, they will change their view, but it’s up to them.

Release them from who we wish they are and focus on who we are right now.  Be someone who loves no matter what. That’s how you create your quality of life!