haiku suite (nearing season)

Haiku

bitter breezes breathe

soaring leaves fluttered respite

 hue strewn forest floor

textures richly mute

nude limbs buttress pale gray skies

bareness now lives here

snowflakes  a-flurry

brightened mantles cold n clean

quietly lie still

rw jenkins
©2015
 

Author's Note

Constructive critique is always welcome! : )

Reviews

[William Michael Reeves]

Would this be considered a choka of haiku? I recall you had a blog or lesson about Japanese forms I need to read. As I understand haiku it should also reference a season. Maybe that is not a strict rule. I've noticed nudity is a common theme in your poetry in one fashion or another. Nothing more pleasing to the eye than form revealed. Particularly the female words formed in beauty. (?)

[Richard🖌]

Greetings, Bill 👊

It simply is as stated: A Haiku suite. In Haiku, the season (Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring) written about is never mentioned, but rather revealed in the spirit and imagery of its lines.
Nude, in the sense it's used in one of the Haiku, refers to bare limbs.
Nudity is a naturally beautiful state for humans … it's weather, occupation, and societal/moralistic mores and inhibitions that allocates its unsavory connotations.
I would agree with your poetic assessment, when done with skill, admiration, and respect.

"Choka"
A form of long waka (Japanese court poetry of the 6th to 14th century) about any topic, of at least 9-lines, consisting of alternating lines of five and seven syllables, ending with two lines of seven syllables.
With no rhymes, capitals, or punctuation, the total length of the poem is indefinite.
5/7/5/7/5/7/5/7/7
(or)
xxxxx
xxxxxxx
xxxxx
xxxxxxx
xxxxx
xxxxxxx
xxxxx
xxxxxxx
xxxxxxx

Thank you for your visit, Sir! ⁓ Richard🖌

[William Michael Reeves]

Interesting how different definitions and rules can vary. My research had me believing a Choka was just a series of Haiku strung together. And Waka is any Japanese poetry written in Japanese and Shi is Japanese poetry written in English. Like anything, multiple sources are required to avoid alternative facts. Thanks for the enlightenment.

[kitty]

Bravo! True poet in heart, mind and soul!

[Richard🖌]

Well, Kitty Dear,
It is a deelightful treat of a surprise to hear from You here, but I am duly charmed and enthralled. : )

Thanks for the sweet accolade; just what I needed today … hugs! ⁓ Richard

[kitty]

Don't mention!. Looking forward to more inspiring reads.

[Einstein Noodle]

like others i find this line:
"hue strewn forest floor"
simply mawvilous! perhaps consider leaving (seasons) off your title ..when i read it i prepared myself for four of them ..i don't know why ..certainly seasons are what your Haiku are about .. i just enjoyed the heck out of reading them and accepting the experience so ..not even looking with critical eye ..they are beautiful and one can tell in reading how carefully you chose each important word .. winter is coming .. and tho it doesn't get very cold nor snow a lot ..i am looking
forward to it ..we have had some very hot humid days down here ..love and peace Richard!
E.
ps. have to go and learn something new ..the "kigo" ;)

[Richard🖌]

Now it's all is naught but kigo, Dear Gene, as the rules so strictly admonish, and there is no mention of "seasons" anywhere, except inferred by every word, which is at the very spirit of Haiku.

Thank you, My Fine Friend, for such entreating words to these humble little lines of verse.
Love 'n peace to thee! ⁓ Richard ✨

[GreenShoes]

In haiku, a kigo word, or phrase, must be incorporated to infer the season, like snow, or humidity. With that in mind, doesn't it defeat the purpose of the kigo word if you actually say the season?

[Richard🖌]

Of course it does, Karen, and those kigo are, also, included.
This is your review of this piece?

[GreenShoes]

It would be a lot easier to review haiku if the rules weren't so confusing. I know how hard it is to write a haiku; they look easy, but they're not. I looked at these three haiku and tried to find a connection, a reason for them being presented together. I thought maybe it was going from mid-to-late fall up to start of winter, but the line "autumn now lives here" threw me off. But, these poems are beautiful, and there's nothing better than a "hue strewn forest floor."

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Karen,
It is a joy to share my humble offering with you! ⁓ Richard

[Richard🖌]

Karen Dear,
I hope you like it better, now. : )

[Willard Wells]

I have no criticism constructive or otherwise really. Very well structured work with an excellent selection of words. Thank you for sharing. I am ready for winter also, but more for the rain than anything, snow not too likely unless I go up the hill.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Willard, for your encouraging and appreciative words.
Sorry, My Friend, the site does not always inform me when a review has been given, and I never know until I come across it.

Blessings for a beautiful autumn to come ⁓ Richard

[Willard Wells]

Time means nothing. I am always late.

[Benson Osuji]

wonderful poem I enjoyed it a lot

[Richard🖌]

Thanks for the pat on the head, Benson! ⁓ Richard

[Benson Osuji]

three more to go thank you

[Kelly Scheppers]

You crafted this with utter precision, with a pen dipped in a magnificent hue! You have such a way about you, Richard...it just leaves me breathless.

This is magical. That's what it is....it's just magical what you do!

[Richard🖌]

What lovely and gracious things to say to a hopeful bard, Kelly … you voice is always so sweet when you speak with me … warmest smiles 'n cozy thanks to thee! ⁓ Richard

[Richard🖌]

Oh, I forgot … I changed my name to "Robert" … LOLOL!

[Kelly Scheppers]

OMG, I am so sorry! I fixed it!! ; ) x

[bathtime]

I like the way this makes me visualize your words. I can see each season respectively, and vividly. Your haikus are beautiful and easy to follow. Good job. :)

[Richard🖌]

Christina,
I enjoy your review far more than my poems.
You set my face aglow … thank you for your sweetness to me! ⁓ Richard

[Chris]

I like the afterthoughts these brought about.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Chris … your words are rewarding and uplifting.
It is, also, nice to know the spirit of my poems stayed with you awhile! ⁓ Richard

[Annie Gryphon]

Very poetical and fragile as a piece of fine Asian porcelain.
Many people think writing Haiku is only about counting syllables, but you of course know that it is always something about human nature reflected in an image of nature. It's about evanescence of season and of life. About the presciousness of life. This is a perfect example of the art of composing Haiku. I love it, Richard.

[Richard🖌]

Goodness, Annie!
You certainly know how to spread a smile across this hopeful bard's lips and down into his heart.
I sure enjoyed your take on the Haiku form, and most especially on my humble efforts, too.
You are a special lady; thank you, Annie … smiles 'n warmest hugs! ⁓ Richard

[Roland Petrov]

Getting a head start? These are lovely. My favorite line is "hue strewn forest floor". My problem line is "brightening cold clean mantles", because "brightening" as two syllables fits nicely, except that now the line is missing a syllable, whereas "brightening" as three syllables seems clumsy to me (even though the syllable count is fine). My fix would be "brightening up clean mantles cold" or "brightening up cold mantles clean". You got me thinking about autumn already, and I love it.

[Richard🖌]

That's one of the benefits to being a flexible poet, Roland, one can change most anything and make it fit … hope you enjoy a little better the change you inspired me to undertake on that line.
Yes, the seasons turn so quickly when they are upon us, and there is not much to Autumn or Winter here, so if I'm to enjoy writing of them in their time, I must not tarry, but pull out the olde Winter pen and warm it posthaste.
Thank you most gratefully for your generosity, My Friend … I think your help made a decisive improvement, and I hope you do, too! ⁓ Richard

[Roland Petrov]

Excellent fix! I live in the desert, but a ten minute tramway ride takes me up to 8,000 feet (definite seasons up there).