Candyapple Carpet Ride (a rat's eye view)

An attempt at a freer verse...

Candyapple Carpet Ride (A rat’s eye view)                                15 Sep 2011

 

Starkly exotic enrapt divine

she leapt into my land of rhyme

“Do you mind?”

...MY mind, so democratic, neh eso-cratic!

such ordered thinking, the structured lines

devoted adherent, traditions kind...

not what you THINK 

this ink that chronicles, my style passe

like monocles?

my tabernacle not a pinnacle?

umbilical or stuck like barnacles

a musaic carbuncle?

 

She's a demi- (goddess), her "Odd-ess"

SPLIT!

her pneumatic wit

fit, with diamond bit 

drill that finds and mines...

invasive-primed,

unrequited Queen of free-ryhme

on spinal tap her rare cerebral sap

azure psyche-transmitter ocean

her polished sea shell dreams

warm salty tidal themes….

with craft so fine,

her time is quantum…

universal conscious-wanton

in attitude that little skirt,

so "innocent" that smile, relaxes and beguiles...

Ahha! the temptress to divert,

creative dirt, creative hurt,

revert inert creative flirt,

beget creative spurt!

 

Into my mind then 

a serpent to my Eden slithered

resistance wither, my aghast-ly jaw a-dither

seductively round my mensa coiling

circuits foiling, frozen stiff emotions boiling 

spoiling years of lessons, toiling...toiling...

with joy I'm roiling, roiling...

oh-so employing, horizons cloying

restraints destroying, freedom enjoying! 

 

"The gig is down" she said, her 

finger pointing 

up instead, well up 

as I thought it 

not it, 

"whassup?" I said,

her head, turning seductive smile there burning

"Here the poles reverse, yo re-"verse," no worse

see your down is up perhaps down under

if Asian persuasions support 

your blunder

an "up" not yearning for free rhyme learning?!

 

“Down here my friend 

though you upside down hang

the slang may pang yo thang

that is

if'n y'all got-some, be a pos-sum, who

sleeps not um...

the sub see is conscious

so jus'

pretend, a rodent a bat is not

a cat is more that, 

more like a rat, above”

"Year of?" I said

"Don't defend! You'll end the trend...

inverse CREATE! To send” she said,

to dangle, rodents angle

upside down is right side up

untangle, your wits must spangle

when on the other side, 

here bottom is top

and top is a reversal

rehearsal without a script 

the rats-words singing, clinging, bringing

your ink to slap words down

around to wrap you- son! 

ink backwards run

you must equip this mindset dip,

that where it's at- a rodents trip! 

persuasion flip!

To fill that stagnant cavity with naught 

of mental gravity,

in style be hip, let tethers slip, your boundaries rip, 

apprehensions...ZIP!

 

But as i rose my house was shaken

Shakespeare-GONE, a lonely shelf

Poe no longer by himself

a dove there cooed, but no more Raven 

Yeats was dull, and Spencer craven

Dylan Thomas lost his passion

Robert Frost the followed path took

Dickerson was stilted-jaded

Coleridge (no surpise) had faded

poems of Pope became soft-hearted

the joy of Kipling fast departed...

the past unstarted,

uncharted, de-smarted

so hearted empty hearted,

familiar path I parted.

 

But fertile is as fertile does

and when in Rome…intrigued I was!

This new terrain demands exploring

deploring, cowards constant clinging

solid ground, adventure singing, bringing

a gift worth bringing…

In her enchanted stream I floated,

gloated all this I’ve missed!

conscious-less revolving-ness -my altered bliss,

the scheme it seems,  

selenes fair dream, 

artistic soda fountain fellows

marshmellows dipped in cream

bondage fleeted, justice meted, fetters cloven, woven

into flowing juices, sluices

from imaginations

teathered uses

the gushing forth of sheer release, 

all boundaries cease,

the antiquated  well turned verse,

a curse, to tame-

imaginations tireless bane,

creations drain…

so rise above this yoke replete

and breath a higher air so sweet

here on this side we meet

fair Deme.

 

Rikkevi Rue copyright 2011

All rights reserved

Reviews

[Earthbound Angel]

So many good verses here. Sorry, I'm late to the game, but want to catch up on all that I missed. My favorite part:
Into my mind then
a serpent to my Eden slithered
resistance wither, my aghast-ly jaw a-dither
seductively round my mensa coiling
circuits foiling, frozen stiff emotions boiling
spoiling years of lessons, toiling...toiling...
with joy I'm roiling, roiling...
oh-so employing, horizons cloying
restraints destroying, freedom enjoying!

[Rikkevi Rue]

Hello Earthbound! Amazing that I should come here tonight because I haven't been for a long long time...but some things don't die easily and my offerings here fit into that category. Send me a friend request or something so that I can message you direct. I went to your page and I wasn't "in the club" so couldn't leave a message. It would be nice to reconnect. Meanwhile, thanks for your review. I'm happy there were verses that you could connect with. This submission was from the "old days" of writer's cafe, before many of the dominant players left...sad but true, still, it lightens my heart to see you here

[Earthbound Angel]

I sent my message 4 days ago! Your higher self was slow to give you my message. LOL...but better than waiting until Christmas!!

[Rikkevi Rue]

haha. Well Nice to be back in touch

[Mockingbird]

your rhyme is breathless...like some speeches and songs by characters in Alice in Wonderland...surreal. Or the speech by Lucky in Waiting for Godot...It's like a modern day Shakesperean poem, but by all different kinds of poets. Fantastic imagery and symbolism, and allusions to other poets, seems like you are jaded with them...sounds like it would make great spoken word.pardon my blathering.

[Poe Redd]

So freaking glad I didnt know what to do right now I wouldnt have read this, right now. Amazing poem, breath-taking like a rollercoaster and just as colouful. Great work. Love your stuff! x3

[Tate Morgan]

Man so different from my own work i will say it bends and weaves a tapestry of story.You would be a excellent and rich rap artist Your vocabulary out strips the rest of us yet fascinates

[OT]

I love this piece - the sheer creativity of it is astounding! enjoyed reading this several times - and really don't have much to say, which may make this seem like a crap review - which it probably is - but sometimes a lack of words is a better compliment - this goes into my favourites (which is rare of late) - bravo! brilliantly done!

[Sethnicity]

I'm changing my Favorite Verse!....
All Of It!
Damn this is way too juicy!
I bow before perfection!
(ssshhh it kinda gave me an erection)

[Chris]

"A SLAM Night" with a morning's cup. You carried it well - not quite throughout, but well just the same. I like the tonals and the inherent beat.

Poetic license allows us to "create" words AND to use what some might consider as "wrong" words to suit our purpose... a self-enwrapped and well-clothed intent perhaps? But argument aside - even AS an aside, some words need be - like breathe and breath - listened to - to be heard. AND spelling only counts when the reader's mind is "thunked" by the jarring sense of the mind halting.

Our flaws keep even the mensa-traited - naively human.

Chris

[roarke]

A battle royale, a donnybrook, the proverbial hot knife through butter. A take no prisoners romp through metaphor and rhyme.
In a word. Juggernaut.

[Sethnicity]

Immaculate!
Well played my friend... I totally and completely enjoyed this piece! Way to let the letters dictate the tempo. the pauses were justified an space prpperly with out being to broken every space was perfect for a mental breath. illogically logical!

Favorite line...
"The gig is down" she said, her
finger pointing
up instead, well up
as I thought it
not it,
"whassup?" I said,
her head, turning seductive smile there burning
"Here the poles reverse, yo re-"verse," no worse
see your down is up perhaps down under
if Asian persuasions support
your blunder
an "up" not yearning for free rhyme learning?!

I hope you keep allowing yourself to trickle down the freestyle mile...

[Reese38]

Your depiction of The Queen Of the Surreal is remarkably striking. Your entry into her contest is supreme. Watertight assonance, flawless cadence.


But as i rose my house was shaken

Shakespeare-GONE, a lonely shelf

Poe no longer by himself

a dove there cooed, but no more Raven

Yeats was dull, and Spencer craven

Dylan Thomas lost his passion

Robert Frost the followed path took

Dickerson was stilted-jaded

Coleridge (no surpise) had faded

poems of Pope became soft-hearted

the joy of Kipling fast departed...

the past unstarted,

uncharted, de-smarted

so hearted empty hearted,

familiar path I parted.


Smiling here, because she does have that effect. Being mentally stimulated by Selene, leaves all other touted poets looking rather drab.