Fake It 'Til You Make It

Fake it 'til
You make it
But I can't take it
Cause I not going
To admit s**t
Cause it is true
The minute you
Say " I Love You"
You lose control
Of your soul
Or viewed as
Weak
So that is why
I won't speak
Those words to
Anyone
Cause everyone
Is looking to harm
You
I am speaking about
The things that
I have been
Through
Miscarriages
Failed marriages
Angry kids
Who can't forgive
Me for the things
I've done
Or for what I 'be
Become
My inability
To love anyone
Makes some
Think I am weak
Because I refuse
To speak
Or utter the words
Or give someone
That kind of control
Over my heart and
Soul
Maybe that is why
I am lonely
The same struggle
Haunts my spirituality
Is it sad to learn
That God and I are
Not on speaking terms?
It's hard for me to love
G-O-D and even
Harder to love myself
Or humanity