In This House of Worship

One sexual reference, the rest should be pretty PG-13

I'm kneeling down on both of my folded legs, as a single candle illuminates hundreds of extinguished ones. In this graveyard of decorated flambeaux, my single lit candle looks a beacon of hope. Paraffin wax in sizes big and small, in every color of the rainbow, with more variation than a Google search for butt plugs.

 I speak out softly to no one, present: "Mother used to tell me I could talk to you about anything. How you'd never judge me here. Mom says she used to come speak with you too, but she doesn't need it anymore, she knows you're always in her heart."

 I take a slew of deep breaths, try to summon the courage to continue, and question how I've never actually been here before.

"Mom says you offer forgiveness, and that all I'll have to do is ask."

A sea of thick oils, electrolytes, and mucins trickle down my face, but I must continue.

"She says you'll offer forgiveness, and I want nothing more, but I can't ask, I don't deserve it."

Heavy precipitation flows down my eye sockets, my smeared makeup paints a picture on my face, that's not quite my own. I sit and cry for what can only seem like an eternity, to the living. I try to expel words from my mouth, try my best to purge my soul clean, reminding myself that I'm already here, that I might not get this chance again.

"I'm so very sorry. You would have always been the one who'd excel at this, always the one so very forgiving. But I suppose you have to be, when you're the golden child, and your little sisters such a f**k up."

I pause, but the crying is under control, the way only water impeded by a dam can be.

"I'm sorry we didn't spend more time together. Sorry it's you doing all the listening, you were always the most, interesting conversationalist. Mostly, I just want you to know how much I love you, how I'll always be proud of you, the way you were proud of me. I want you to believe me when I say that I'll spend the rest of my life, gratifyingly, trying to live up to your image."

I take another eternal second to gather my thoughts, to take a small bit of pride in finally getting everything out in the open, before blowing the flame out, on my single beacon of hope, and walk home into the night.

Reviews

[A Ghost of Myself]

Another well done write, Riley, I've had to train myself not to look for conventional aspects in your writings, as I know you like to look at an askew angle; and once more you delivered in expression and emotion making this an enjoyable read. A single moment in the flicker of light, captured for life, and never truly extinguished.

[RileyRedding]

Thank you kindly, I appreciate your feedback.

[Vishuddha]

In some ways there isn't much difference between a church and a funeral parlor. Your transition was beautifully done. I am feeling a little forlorn and lonely now. I think I'll go light a candle.

[brezybaby3]

I like this. Well written, flows well. Good showing the emotions. The last full paragraph makes me wonder who she is talking to, unless I missed it in the beginning.

[RileyRedding]

It's meant to sound as though she's speaking to god, and then reveal it's really a speech to her dead brother, wherever he may be.

[Afraa]

I have to agree with Ana. This is something new and different out of you, Riley. I have to say this piece was jaw dropping. As I was reading, I was asking myself, "Is this Riley's work?" I did not detect any sarcasm, or humor whatsoever. You must have been in a mood as you were writing these words of grief. A lot of emotion behind this; these words don't come just like that. As always, I appreciate your work, Riley.

[Cool Girl]

Afraa!!!!!! I thought you closed your account!?!?!?!

[Afraa]

Thanks for giving me away, Aless! I was trying to lurk in the shadows here... >.>
Haha! I can still review pieces even when my account is closed. But I guess I will open my account now, due to a special friend practically forcing me to. Haha!

[RileyRedding]

Officer, I've never made anyone do anything that they didn't wanna, secretly, always wanna do.

[Afraa]

So... this is the comment I get for my review, Riley? >.>

[RileyRedding]

Of course not Afraa.
Thanks for coming back, you were missed greatly.
As always thanks for a splendid review, nothing short of heartfelt.

[Afraa]

Heh, anytime! :D

[Matching Socks]

This is not quite what I was expecting, this isn't your usual sarcasm and satire with a healthy dose of salt on the open wounds. This was a very moving piece of writing. A younger sister losing an older sibling? Anyone who has lost someone knows this grief. The conversations with the person after they are gone. The need to make amends. The need for peace and forgiveness. Because without it we cannot move on.
You've captured this very well. Almost as though you know... Good job Riley, very good job.

[RileyRedding]

I know a bit about loss.
My goal was just to take a friend up on a challenge, he wanted me to write three stories, that don't hardly swear, or delve into anything disturbing. I tried my best, scouts honor.

[Matching Socks]

You took what you know and applied it very well. Standing O.

[Mellinic]

You have a talent of producing vivid imagery with words. Keep it up!

[RileyRedding]

Thanks so much!

[wordman]

you have painted vivld colors here you have a great imigination

[RileyRedding]

Much appreciated!

[wordman]

you are welcome

[Danielle E Lynn]

Wow, you have done it again. Riley, you have this uncanny ability to paint such a vividness to any situation. I feel for this girl who I know nothing about and I understand the signs of grief well and so do you. This feels like an excerpt from someone on the bestsellers list. I am amazed at the few reviews. Some people probably need more time to digest this. I have just recommended your work to my mother and I know ?I have done the right thing. Your voice must be heard.

[RileyRedding]

The highest of praise, thank you so much!

[Danielle E Lynn]

You earned it. You have talent.

[Lizardo]

Ah one beautiful story! and sad too really makes you realize the situation around the world you know
This is a great story, I love this!

[Cool Girl]

I really like this, Riley! I know that you don't approve of me reading your work because I'm really young, but it's too tempting. Hahaha xD

Besides, I love your writing and I love being your friend, so who cares! :)

[RileyRedding]

I thin,k reading my writing is perfectly okay. (Again I'm not a parent though)
That being said take everything I say with an exaggerated eye roll, and an underlying sense of sarcasm.

Thanks so much for always reviewing, Cool Girl, what a suiting name.

[Cool Girl]

Haha. You think I'm cool?!?! That's so sweet of you. BTW, Afraa closed her profile!!! I miss her already:(

[RileyRedding]

She shall return, in due time!

She's like Mary Poppins, she's only around when you need her.

[Cool Girl]

Well, what if I need her right now? xD

[RileyRedding]

Well, define in what way you need her, and I'll rub the magic, Afraa-lamp.

[Cool Girl]

haha. Well, I didn't get to be her friend yet....

[RileyRedding]

Work quick, now is your chance, Santa will be gone before morning.

[Cool Girl]

I bet you got coal... xD

[RileyRedding]

Only so I could start, pressing, and selling diamonds!

[Cool Girl]

You naughty boy xD