Perverting the Narrative

A True Story

Visualize for a second that you're this real s**t-kicker-a*****e. With a constant half-smile, a smirk, like you're slow, or maybe told a joke that no one else heard.

For a second picture that you're me. You're cute with a bit of that Robert Downey Jr. charm, so girls look the other way. The same guys who can't stand you, call you "f****t" in their heads, keep you around just to leave things interesting.

And your only redeeming quality is your immense capacity for loving your girlfriend. Who might honestly be the only person you even like.

So despite how badly you want to enslave her into forever with you, when she gets an east coast scholarship, you let her go. Mostly because you think she can do better, know she can. This girl is so far out of your league, she makes you look 20,000 leagues under the sea. And being the real s**t-for-brains that you are, it never even occurs to you that this girl reciprocates your exact feelings.

So your one and only selfless act? It comes off as a slight.

The weeks go by and even though you try to stay in touch, you just cause her more pain. You get a call from her merry gang of Manhattanites, her new pals, all of whom are worried about her. So you fly your a*s to New York, you try and fix things, but there's now a rift, an endless disconnect and you leave things even worse for wear.

It's only a week before you get the only phone call that you'll never forget, your one-and-only downed a bottle of pills and never woke up again.

The line between guilt and grief is a tight-rope. Self-destruction was so always my thing.

This is my tell-all, the skeleton in my closet, my confession. I'm giving you the story I refused to give the judge. Tomorrow I go to jail for crashing my Honda Weapon-of-Mass-Destruction Accord, while drunk, almost killing another driver.

The thing they forget to mention about suicide, is that 90% of them end in ignominious failure. 

Reviews

[ANTO]

Another gritty vignette from the amazing pen of RileyRedding - no one does this like you my friend. Your penchant for that turn of phrase that make me sit up and go wtf is matched only by your ability to deliver same in a big basket of wtf.
Great stuff Riley

[RileyRedding]

Haha that's some high praise my friend!

[Alfred Kukitz]

Where one goes is never known until you arrive.

Regards,

Al

[RileyRedding]

How true my friend.

[Leslie Philibert]

Lots of drama, well thought out prose.

[Vishuddha]

This is very well done. A brilliant revelation in the last sentence that the car wreck was a suicide attempt. Anguish, grief, anxiety, angst lead to attempts. Cries for help, attention, pity. A real suicide leaves nothing to chance and succeeds on the first try. "Self-destruction was so always my thing." A romantic notion, so full of youth and unreality. Life fights for itself. A fabulous write.

[RileyRedding]

A person after my own heart. I made 10K writing independently published and my own family can’t decode my words. Thanks for giving when I offered nothing. You make the world a better place.

[Einstein Noodle]

thats a lot to put "out there" ... whew! where does one begin??? the contrast between the two guys ... vivid and universal .. tho there is a huge spectrum in between isn't there?! .. its a wonder women have anything to do with any of us :}
i am so sorry for what you have gone thru .. sorry for your loss ... for the grief and guilt you feel .. not an easy recovery ... and the harder it is speaks to the love we felt .. suicide is always tragic .. tragic and avoidable .. tho one's hope seems gone it never really is .. and you are so right about failed attempts .. i worked as a RN in pediatric intensive care for many years .. our patients included everyone through the age of 18 .. suicide attempts many times ended with a young person paralyzed for life .. our with severe kidney damage so for the rest of life they would need dialysis .. or such severe liver damage they would need a new one .. so for the rest of their life dependent on anti-rejection medications .. all failures with a life sentence attached .. thankfully your decision to drink and drive did not have a fatal outcome for anyone .. it sounds like you have accepted responsibility in owning what happened ... i hope you will find help to get thru the hard times without drunkenness nor drugs .. may you feel the peace of God .. and let healing begin .. i will be thinking of you for sure brother
E.

[Meraki]

The one thing you figure you can't mess up is your death... After failing at that you wonder what's the point? And you rack up the points hastening the deterioration of your psyche only to end up trying again. The irony is in trying to kill yourself you end up almost killing someone else, in trying to help someone you end up hurting them. Next time I'll spin my way off of a cliff. I've only one life they say but a cat would reek of envy because I swear I've gone through twenty. No no it's all a generalization.

[Baby Ricochet]

I'm the first guy. Interesting story.

[RileyRedding]

Thank you!

[Afraa]

Oh Riley, you just had to start my waterworks... I am already in a sulking mood as it is, and the tears just came streaming down. You had guts posting this. If this was someone else, they wouldn't have thought twice about posting something so personal. I very much appreciate you sharing this, and am hoping it lifted off some weight from your soul. I am grateful to have a friend such as yourself.

You penned down some powerful and heart-piercing words.

I applaud you, dearest Riley.

[AaronFreitas]

Beautiful piece Riley. It sounds like s**t that happens in my life... love the way I could feel every word you wrote... could feel the pain and the raw emotion behind it. For me, I enjoy the rawness and the pure emotion that it's written with. Enjoyable read

[myself]

This is nice, but I have to admit it didn't touch me as much as it seems to have touched other people who reviewed this. I really do think this is nice, and you say it's a true story, but for some reason I can't feel it; or better yet, I can't feel you in this. I mean, she gets a scholarship, which probably means a lot to her and you are still together when she leaves, but somehow she's being so depressed? It honestly makes little sense to me, and doesn't feel very sincere, despite the love you probably had for each other. However, this really is nicely written and there are great phrases such as:

"This girl is so far out of your league, she makes you look 20,000 leagues under the sea." This is witty and beautiful at the same time.

"So your one and only selfless act? It comes off as a slight." This is very fluent and really "comes off as a slight".

Your ending sentence is really great as well!

If I may have got something wrong or you'd like to tell me more so that I understand it better, please do.

[RileyRedding]

Thanks for the review, everyone has their own opinion.

[Elie Marie]

This speaks so much truth.
You did a great job with it.
The first half is much too familiar, the second too attainable.