Locksmith

Just playing with forms

Locked

deeply inside

my Pandora soul

are all my dreams

and memories

of knowing

who once

had the keys

So now I wait for

the kind locksmith

who holds the only

key to unlock my old

abandoned d r e a m s

Reviews

[Samuel Jack]

That's skill right there, meaningful and visual. I could learn a lot from you. Don't worry I'm not stealing ideas, just being inspired by all the great writing on this site.I understand you have a background in Education so I'm sure you've got some more tricks up your sleeve.

[Rita L. Sev]

Ha! Thank you! This was sort of a "boredom" piece - I wanted to see what shapes I could make with at least an OK poem. I wrote another not posted yet - there are others here who are much better at this type of poem. :)

[Samuel Jack]

Haha she's humble with it too

[Marie]

You've formed a lovely keyhole here...

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Marie!

[Sami Khalil]

We hold the keys(will ) to our homes and pshyche( that was given by Him) but sometimes we lose it or misplace it so we call a locksmith.
A very good one you have penned...:)

[Rita L. Sev]

Yes - where is that locksmith when we need him? Thanks, Sami!

[Sami Khalil]

Hahaha...You are welcome...:0

[Angi]

I have seen a few pieces of concrete poetry. I have not tried it, though. I clearly see the keyhole. I am picturing Pandora's box, locked tight. Her box was full of doom, so glad yours is full of dreams and memories. Angi~

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Angi! Trying a few others - challenging.

[SyberRose]

Nicely done Rita...I have never done one of these concrete type poems...good job...Rose:)

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Rose!

[SteveB]

Very nicely done. The Pandora's box theme as Jacob said is an interesting concept as is the twist on it that you placed - the dreams are self abandoned rather than imprisoned by another as in the original myth.
I normally do not like "shaped" poems but this time it works. Is the shape a keyhole as I initially thought or the upper half of a body? Or both?
A very well written piece. Thank you for sharing it.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Steve - keyhole was what I was going for. I have another "shape" piece - just a way to play with words; a writing challenge. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i'd like to see the "with" at the end left off...not really necessary...

but i really like this piece, the whole pandora's box theme...althought i wonder if finding that key won't be more dangerous to the psyche than leaving that box of memories locked up.

[Rita L. Sev]

I agree - I don't like the "with" there either - I needed a short word for the shape, and it sort of rhymes... I panicked! :) I think I'll drop it, and stretch the previous word - thinking more clearly now that it's morning.
A very good point about not messing with that box...

Thank you, Jacob!