Losing Hopes

In the race of winning,

I always kept losing,

Yet with an innocent heart, 

I agreed to keep on moving...

A lot of hurdles came to the way,

But with a positive mind, 

I always sent them away...

Trying and trying every time,

To get through the failure, 

I still kept losing, the only Trust of mine...

Tired of these tries, 

I bowed down my knees,

Feeling like a sick man,

No courage of seeing more dreams...

Is this really the end,

Or should I start again,

Even the sick people get well,

And forget the loss to gain...

Reviews

[William Liston]

You did well on this poem. It's a simple piece, but there's a lot of meaning behind the words. I especially liked the contrast between the first two lines, "In the race of winning/I always kept losing," and the last two, "Even the sick people get well/And forget the loss to gain." Both of which seem to be very sincere statements, which really compliments this poem. Good work.

-William Liston

[Riti Rajput]

Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review my poem... I am glad that you liked it... :)

[zunie frost]

Wow a very good poem if losing hope . it gives a perfect description . I love the way you explain the feelings .
Keep it up

[Riti Rajput]

Thanks a lot for stopping by to read and review my poem... :) :) :)

[Anindita Janhabee]

very good write...
i liked your rhyming words..
sometimes, it becomes too harder for us to even give a try but we have to try instead of losing the battle...
you know what, one of my best friends always told me a special thing which i'll remember forever-
''love is a blessing. If you get it, you are the luckiest and even if you lose it, you have still not lost the battle...''
I could relate each fear of mine to these words, which also answer yours. Not losing the battle means to keep trying; life is only one, so live every bit of it without losing hope...
Yours special friend,
Anindita

[Riti Rajput]

Thank you Anindita, I am glad that you liked the poem, and thanks for sharing such a beautiful thought of your friend, its worth remembering...
I am happy that you could relate to my poem..
In the end I would only say that... always stay positive... The best will definitely come to you... :) :) :)

[Anindita Janhabee]

hope the same dear... keep smiling always...

[mou]

May your this poem don't follow the conventional poetic rule which sees the whole world through a rose colored glass but reflect the truth of life.
Yes when we stand in front of a storm,life makes the level of exam more hard.
Beautiful write!!!
Thanks for sharing friend

[Riti Rajput]

Thank you soooo much... I have written this poem in a very sad mood... and that is why I didn't cared much about its flow... But I am really glad that you always understand the feelings behind the writing... Thanks again... :) :) :)

[Nature]

Simple but very effective. Nice flow. I am not sure but I think this can be edited at some places to make it more beautiful. Though it is already very nice, so it is on you to edit or not. Worth reading. Congratulations.

[Riti Rajput]

Thanks dear... I am also thinking to edit it... :)

[iamshadowine]

amazingly written! loved it :D keep writing

[Riti Rajput]

Thanks dear for taking time to read and review my poem....

[barleygirl]

Your poem is honest, powerful, and clear. Life knocks us down so often, sometimes it's very hard to keep going. Hope is the most important thing in life. Once we lose that, it might as well be over. I like the way your message first shows persistent effort, then a low of hopelessness, & finally a few words of renewed hope. This is exactly the cycle of life. I much prefer an honest message of inspiration like this, rather than the lollipop pep talks.

[Riti Rajput]

Thanks a lot Barley Girl... I am really glad that you liked my poem...
listening to your previous suggestions, I've tried to make it simple... I know, it still is not that good... But I'm trying to improve, and would appreciate suggestions from you.. :)

[barleygirl]

OK, now that you mention it, I forgot to say I got a little bump in the last line of the second stanza . . . maybe "set" would be better as "sent"?

It's true that this message isn't stated in flowing meter & rhyme, but the reason that sounds realistic for your message is becuz the narrator is obviously feeling a little ragged, somewhat up & down, so when your meter is imperfect, it reflects the way life feels imperfect. Not every poem needs to be perfectly crafted. To me, a sincerely-felt message is the first priority. The other stuff will iron out as you keep practicing.

[Riti Rajput]

Thank you so much for replying back with what you exactly felt... :) :) :) and I am happy that you understood the feelings behind this...

[Shabeeh Haider]

Riti, there is so much positive in this poem. It has a wonderful message. The last stanza is really amazing:
Is this really the end,
Or should I start again,
Even the sick people get well,
And forget the loss to gain...:"

Since you have used rhymes as well, wouldn't it have been better to keep to the same number of lines in each stanza. You could then follow a specific rhyme pattern.The first line of the second stanza would have been better if you had said: "A lot of hurdles came my way"
It is however a wonderful poem.

[Riti Rajput]

Thanks Shabeeh for reading and reviewing my poem... I really appreciate you for truly telling me the good and bad in the it... :) :) :)

[Ria Carol]

Wonderful poem....just wanted to know are you sure about the title?...the word loose is when something is not fitting properly...you know like a loose pant or something...are you sure thats what you intend?...I just thought losing hopes seems better suited ...just wanted to know if it was on purpose thats all...otherwise its beautiful ..

[Riti Rajput]

Oops... I made spelling mistake.. thanks for correcting me... and Thank you so much for reviewing my poem...

[Ria Carol]

No problem and you have done a fabulous job to be honest:)

[Riti Rajput]

Thanks again Ria... It gives a sense of extreme happiness, when someone really appreciates your poems... :)