Poison the Enemy

Please review it! I need help with it :)

Yummy forensic taste bus

bursting on my swollen tongue

Rheumy pinapple heads

gestating in a pool of disapointment

stewing in my juices

lemon juice

orange juice 

I use it to make fruit salad. 

The pinapple's vulpine features

ellict my empathy

oh rivers of sadness radiated within my soul

wretched need to eliminate

my enemies.

I poisoned the fruit salad

but somehow no one died

I guess they aren't allergic 

like me

to pinapple

The pain, the agony,

feelings of ecstacy 

and its white powder

oh wait that's sugar.

What I mean to say

it that I love pinapple

like I love a song.

I am ALLERGIC to pinapple,

my face swells like a beehive 

on a hill. When I turn

into a Ghost to finish

EATING pinapple.

From, 

Eric your husband,

P.S. You didn't die Erica,

WHY!?

please don't get me with the mallet

Author's Note

Read 'A Key To My Heart' and it'll make sense :) xx

Reviews

[Shirlena]

I really like you imagination and your sense of dark humor in the face of death or a type of suicide maybe. Not that I think either is funny but it's not morbid and that makes it much more palatable to me. There is only one grammar mistake I see and since you have given us your story in the story it would be a lot more intriguing if it weren't announced toward the end, in my opinion it would make this poem perfect and I think you are already a great writer, just need a pinch of tweaking but then who doesn't? :)

[RivuletofSorrow]

Thanks so much you really got me. I tried really hard to put in my deep emotions from the deep blue sea. Aw, I'll change the end just for you :) x

[Shirlena]

You're very welcomed and you have succeeded :)

[BL]

Like the way you used the senses, colours, tastes exploding - really great

[RivuletofSorrow]

K thanks x

[Rene Salinas]

Well th joy and enhusiasm and honesty is very uplefting although it is a pity to have such a peculiar allergy but then again all allergies are!!!
Thankyou so much for the sharing.

[RivuletofSorrow]

Thanks babe. You totally got it :)