Barbie Doll Part 2

True story

What is it about this plastic creature that captivates little girls and later becomes the image grown men seek in women?

By the end of eighth grade, I realized I had to change my un-barbie ways. All of the girls I knew had boyfriends and I did not. I knew why. I was not impressive in a short skirt.
Over that summer before my transition into high school, I made probably what was the most superficial decision of my life and one that would forever haunt me.
I was 5'1" (still am), with short blonde hair and a gymnasts body. My thighs were huge with muscle. What boy wants a girl that can crush them with their legs alone? None it seemed.
So I quit. all those years of training went right down the drain. Which caused no small amount of uproar in my home. My parents tried to make me go back. I refused. What about my future? Yes, with my natural monkey aptitude there was great possibility of a 'future'. I didn't care. I just wanted to be like my friends. I wanted to feel I was pretty. I grew my hair out and became a professional at applying makeup. Though I was much shorter and green eyed, when I walked into high school that first day, Barbie lived. Seemed the boys noticed too.
My tumbling skills got me a spot on the Cheerleading squad with no problem. There was some part of me that would not give up it's "sporty" aspect, so I played volleyball and joined the swim team as well.
Things were going good, kind of. One hitch really... It appeared boys did not like girls to be too smart and definitely not smarter than them. With this, empty headed plasticity was born. I hid my grades and dumbed myself down. Asking in that stereotypical bewildered, blonde way for help with various math problems, etc. This was to set the stage for a future I couldn't foresee. No-one looks below the surface for the truth it seems.
Graduated near the top of my class, went on to college, married the prom king and state champion wrestler and set about being a student, wife and mother.
It didn't matter that I was juggling all these roles, this man married Barbie and that is what he expected. I was to be dressed spotlessly and in full makeup with hair done by the time he came home from work everyday. I was never to leave the house looking anything but my best. I was to set a shining example for my children on a mother's perfection, all the while playing the biddable simpleton.
I can't say for certain his true motivations in what occurred. I am not him. I do know with time he began to treat me as if I really was dumb. Both inside and outside the home. A failure at everything. Even with several degrees in History behind me, I began to believe him. I was just stupid and worthless. Barbie did live. He did this because he knew the truth and felt insecure in my intelligence? Or he did this because as he made me believe, so to had I made him in my empty headed act? When all was said and done, I was listless and lifeless. A doll that no-one played with anymore.
Time to remember who one was, who one is and escape... Escape into the world. Find yourself again. Heal and recapture. Only to become it all once more for another.
This time for a simple country boy. One who adored me. Couldn't seem to believe his luck. A doll of his very own to worship! It was only a matter of years before he began pointing out how stupid I was. Shouting down my every spoken thought and opinion. Dumb, dumb Barbie Doll! What could you possibly know?
A true folly of my own making. To feel loved and desired I had become everything I wasn't. Had done this so well. Hell, was I stupid for pretending to be stupid? A true irony there.

It took time but I learned to become un-Barbie again. Hair is still long though now dyed red. It's a hassle to blow dry and 'fix' to perfection everyday, so sometimes I just pile it on my head in some sloppy knot. Huge closet full of fancy clothes collecting dust as I wear my t-shirts and jeans. Hell, I can occasionally even be found going through a drive thru in my pajamas in the morning! I don't wear makeup as often. I can get lazy about my exercise routine and you will find me five to ten pounds overweight during these couch potato spurts.
Men? They don't notice so much anymore. I have left off the plastic fantasy and there are too many others still willing to play the part.
It seems life has become a trade off. To be everything you dislike to have it all. Yet it really was never having it all, as parts of me got lost and broken along the way.
Ahh Barbie you have lived quite a life with your head full of ideas and dreams. Time to be true to yourself and live them. And I do.

Author's Note

The tenses have changed from she to I with this one.
Dolls who dare to dream...

*just thoughts that were rambling around in my head on choices and becoming something else for all the wrong reasons.

Reviews

[Will Neill]

I read your first part of this story and while reading it I became aware that you were writing about yourself as the narrator, to bring the second part to a more personal level is much more heart rendering and reads better. unfortunatly we live in world were sterotypical people prevail, thats what sell. The illusion of the barbie doll is created by men-visualy perfect. But not the normallity- we always try to fit in thats in our nature. You did nothing wrong-I'm glad you are being who you are supposed to be.
Great piece.
Will

[Rogue]

Thank you so very much for this, Will. I appreciate both your reading and the thoughts you left here. :)

[lMarling]

I loved reading this narrative. In terms of constructive criticism, I think this would be an amazing short story with a bit of polishing and formatting for spacing. These are lessons to remember for future daughters.

Also, thought you might enjoy this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0

[Rogue]

Just loose thoughts on a two day Barbie doll theme and life comparison... Not even sure what dredged it all up. I appreciate the critique. But this will stand as sloppy thoughts. I do however have "stories" buried in my work here... But as of lately... Mostly thoughts... Short and long.
Thank you for the link. I especially like the way she culminated the whole piece. Excellent.
Thank you for reading. :)

[Pollai]

This is amazing, I know of many who have been through this and its a sad thing to see in society.

[Rogue]

It is a sad thing. That both the media and society in general tell us (females) that this is the ideal and what we should be. Thank you, as always for your time and thoughts. :)

[Pollai]

Truly, one day when I have kids (perhaps many days away) it is stories like these I hope they are able to learn lessons from and understand that in the end, you need not be "altered" for any person or thing unless there is true respect and love in return.

[TL Boehm]

Awesome. Simply awesome.
I am a mom and a wife and a worker and wow. You're speaking to me. I've noticed that even in the workforce - a little chub around the middle, some gray hair, and a brain will get you a crap job and no recognition - but pile on the makeup, a pair of heels, giggle and a nice frontal bounce and wow. My avatar? I put it up in 2011 as an experiment. I used to use a lion. I suddenly had male writers hit my page. I don't really even look that way but I found that a laptop is a very forgiving photographer. Anyway. This is exceptional writing.

[Rogue]

I thank you very much for this and for sharing a part of yourself as well. :)

[Rita L. Sev]

Loved this read, Rogue, for its truth and its lessons. I faced the same choices in eighth grade - not athletic at all, but too nerdy and mousy-quiet for any boy (or the popular girls) to notice me. One of my few friends actually said these words to me: "Why don't you go and buy some designer jeans so you can look like everyone else?" I decided I really did not want to be like everyone else, and I opted to disappear into the "Nerd Herd". It was not easy - I kept my thoughts to myself for a long time, fearing mocking from my peers. But, I stayed me, and in the long run, this has served me well. I never understood the Barbie doll - she looked nothing like women I knew, and when you looked inside her head, it was empty. I also never understood men who preferred this type of woman. So glad you have left behind the plastic fantasy - the real you is much more interesting to know!

[Rogue]

Thank you, Rita. Your thoughts here were very welcomed as are your insights. :)

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

A profound story... full of tragedy and accomplishment. I've come to learn, that a man in love has one duty he absolutely owes to his woman... it's to show her he loves every aspect of who she is. Women are complex beings, not that men are exactly simple, but women truly are multi-dimensional. Having to be beautiful, yet humble, strong, but tender, lover and mistress. The world demands so much. You given great insight into that struggle and process of voiding it for true self-preservation. Bravo!

[Rogue]

Thank you, Travis for your very thoughtful words here. I realize I unpublished this for a time. It is very personal and somewhat uncomfortable for me. But, I will leave it alone. You have been very kind and I appreciate that. :)

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

I understand completely. Reading your work is always a pleasure... your works I am most fond of all hit personal notes and cause me to be self-reflective. I'm glad you decided to share this piece.

[Rogue]

This is a great compliment coming from you, Travis. As we seem to have similar thoughts, styles and ways of wording... Sometimes eerily so. :)

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

I completely agree. I guess our hearts/hands operate on a similar wavelength. I want to post the piece that preceded "Beauty Rest", for you... if thats not to personal a request. I would really like your insight on it.

[Rogue]

I would be happy to read it, of course and give you any thoughts I have. :)

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Great! I'll post it now, you can read it at your leisure. It's titled, Broken Beauty.

[Rogue]

I am still here... A bit nervous. Only because I have a feeling I already know the piece. Though I haven't seen the words... I'm sure you understand.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

and later that lucky country-bloke don willams too...wow:)

[Rogue]

*see review response below. -grin-

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

oh...Shawn Michael that lucky brute he married ya

[Rogue]

You are a dear and you know that. Always feel lucky to have you around. :)