Sweetener isn't the same as sugar.

My first monologue story-esque piece that I've submitted. Moulded from an experience of mine. I've attempted to write this in a sarcastic humour style, yet I feel it's come across as me being rude.

"I'm sorry." she pleaded at me, when realistically I knew that absolutely nothing she said could fix what she had done. Simply because, she'd done nothing. It wasn't her fault that I'd fallen over as I got out of bed today. Nor was it her fault that when I went to the café they didn't have my favourite muffin and they only had sweetener as opposed to real sugar for my coffee. I would even go as far as to say that it wasn't her fault that I was currently having an existential crisis based on the fact that I'd fallen totally out of love with her and wanted to end our relationship immediately; as quite frankly, I was growing tired.

I should probably explain that last bit. You see, her and I had been together for quite a while now. We knew everything about one another. We knew each-other's schedules, favourite foods, she knew what cigarette brand I was slowly (and passive aggressively) killing myself with and realistically to this day I could probably tell you the brand of toothpaste that she used, if I tried hard enough to recall that is.

I suppose I was living the good life with her, yet I suppose that's what made it not good for me. You see, I've never been a fan of routine. I could never get into the idea of myself being stuck in a day to day life where I knew how absolutely everything was going to go down. Sure, a lot of people take comfort in that kind of stability. I personally find nothing quite as abhorrent as feeling like absolutely everything is planned outright for me due to circumstances that I've allowed myself to fall into. I craved spontaneity, I yearned for my life to have flavour, I desired to live each day as if it was something completely and abruptly new to me and quite frankly I wasn't feeling any of those things whilst we were together.

But how was I to say it? I mean, I've been hurt more times than the average human's big toe against furniture. Could I really allow myself to be the one to hurt another? Well yes actually, I could. Because, and to be frank, I'd never met a person as furiously mundane as her. So as I sat there counting the tiles on her kitchen floor (30 black, 27 white. Kind of an odd ratio really.) I couldn't help but feel a damning sense of relief as she got angry at me and screamed for me to leave. 

For I made what I wanted into being her idea, and for once she excited me.

Reviews

[AUU]

Well written. The voice was flawless, and it had a some sensible cynicism to it.

Unfortunately I know this feeling all too well.

I sometimes think I'm one of those damn See n' Say toys. No matter how many times you pull the lever it's going to land on one of the ten panels, and sometimes, sometimes you get that crazy thought of mooing when you're asked to quack. And when you quack---the reaction of the puller is delightful.

[Nessly]

Wow... I love this! It's a sweet reminder to always add spontaneity to our lives. Your words flow smoothly throughout this story. You're quite a talented writer.

[=]

Thank you!

[H.L. Cerveise]

Your honest thoughts are clear throughout this story. It is understandable and well written. The angst he is feeling comes across very clearly. It was a story that I wanted to keep reading. At the end, when he was staring blankly and counting floor tiles, she knew he was not really there. The last line is a nice ending because now the reader can make the relationship end or flourish as they desire.

[Victoriana]

Nicely put thoughts, can relate to your situation! Also very interesting to read honest opinion from a man's perspective.
I really liked it!:)

[Zaliodir]

The writing makes it easy to place myself in the writer's shoes. I have never been in such a relationship, but this piece takes me just a little closer to what that might feel like.

[Elmarie]

Hi Roy
My first visit. I found your writing easy to read. Spontaneous and refreshing. I also liked the subject matter too. The struggle of being locked in to a relation-ship................ a ship that does not leave port can be boring.

Blessings and I will subscribe.

El