When You

 

When I first saw you,

A sharp feeling rose

To my

Breast

 

I would lose my breath

 

Every time you would

Look at me,

Goosebumps rose

Up an down

My neck

 

When we first touched

I would quiver

 

The cool touch of you

Moving up and down

My bronze

Skin

 

I would start to shake

 

When the endless

Love

Was over with

 

You would leave

And leave me

There

 

Still dreaming of you

Hoping that you

Will come

Back

 

But sadly, you never

Came back

 

I waited to see you

That next day,

I never saw you

Again

 

The touch,

The love,

The quiver,

The shaking,

 

When you left

That night, you

Killed me.

Reviews

[The Elder Pine]

I love the short stanzas and enjambment you used. Good devices to spice up a classic love and loss story.

[-!katie!-]

I like this a lot. I love the way you wrote it. The reader can really feel the emotion.
well done (:

[Sparrow]

A lot emotion is portrayed in this one and the format was a nice compliment for the words. Great write.

[JC Fox]

This is a very strong poem, few words but it delivers a powerful piece.

[Dan Woolley]

This is powerful stuff and i really enjoyed reading it
you have a talent,
When I first saw you,A sharp feeling roseTo myBreast I would lose my breath
that gripped me from the start x

[Belle Morte]

Happy happy joy joy! I know that sounds bad with the message this poem is conveying, but I can't help it. I love that you wrote this. The imagery and emotion is spectacular in this poem. I absolutly adore this. I commend you for writing it. Great job dear. :D

[An owl on the moon]

Powerful imagery of love and loss. There is the excitement and rush of emotion, followed by the chill of betrayal and emptiness. Exciting! Very well done!

[Christina-Marie]

It does kinda look that way.. and the last one looks like a teardrop. Good stuff.. I do like your work Sandra

[Travis Lawrence]

Oh my, Sandra, great poem. I'm not sure if you did it intentionally, but each stanza is roughly shaped like a heart until the last two, after it was broken. Maybe I'm just pulling that out of thin air, though.

Have a nice day!