The joke's on me...

A thought from the past.

They are laughing,
Fussing in other's ear.
Full of life,
But they are not clear...

All eyes on me,
I'm trying to be sincere.
Why are they laughing?
It's still unclear...

 

I can hear their voice,
Maybe they are telling some joke.
I've a bad feeling,
and I want them to revoke...
Anywhere I go,
I can hear them stroke.
I'm sensing fear,
But all I see is smoke...

 

Then suddenly I realised,
It's neither him nor she.
It's my ugly past,
That's laughing at me...
Sharp as hell,
Stinging like a bee.
My past is laughing,
And the joke's on me...

Author's Note

Wrote it in 2006, not very powerful, still sharing. Hope it'll work. Kindly review it...

Reviews

[Moonlight]

This composition is very well written. It totally highlights the confusion in the victim's mind in the beginning, the mocking gaze of his fellow acquaintances, and in the end the final realisation.
I like this part the most: " My past is laughing,
And the joke's on me..." and also
"I'm sensing fear,
But all I see is smoke.."
Amazing job! Keep writing.

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much Shivangi...:)

[ProxyMarie]

I think it was pretty good, for being written in '06, I read what you write now and you definatley have improved.

[Sanjh]

Yes, I am learning everyday. There are so many excellent writers here to learn from. Thank you for the kind words...:)

[Ashira Macy]

I actually thought it had some really powerful resonance by the end, so don't sell yourself short. =) We all have parts of our pasts that seem to be laughing at us. Missed opportunities, bad decisions and the like. We just have to turn it back around so that the present and the future can laugh at the past. The only suggestion I would make is for this line:

It's neither him nor she.

I would make the "him" a "he" to keep the writing parallel. Might just be my preference, so take it or leave it. Well done. =)

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much for reading, I'm glad you liked it. And it's a nice suggestion, thank you...:)

[Tara Togoland]

Great piece for something written eight years back. Thumbs up. Eight years ago you would have found me writing a petition to heaven on chocolate and how my mum won't let me have more

[Sanjh]

Hahaha, chocolate is also a great idea Tara. Actually the idea is from 8 yrs back, I wrote a song on the same idea then, but crafted it into a poem recently...
Thank you for reading...:)

[Confuser]

Wow, you've been writing for quite awhile. That was great, and powerful and something everyone can relate to. It was wonderful. It's great. Thank you.

[Sanjh]

The idea was from the past, I wrote a song on the same idea then, but crafted it to a poem recently...

Thank you again for appreciating...:)

[Confuser]

I do like it. You're a good writer.

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much, I'm just learning...:)

[Confuser]

Well, you learn much quicker than me. Guten Tag.

[Sanjh]

Thank you again...:)

[Confuser]

............................................Yes

[Sophy Freebirds]

Past.. four lettered word haunts the four lettered word Life.. it is a piece written eight years back. So i must say you were little when you wrote this. Though it is not so loaded with words it is simple and raw. That is what matters when your words tug at the heart of a reader .some editing will make this better for now :) good write

~Sophy

[Sanjh]

helpful as always...thanks...:)

[blackfairy3]

I can actually relate to this poem. I try to not let the pass affect me but it still does. Excellent poem it gives slot to think about

[Sanjh]

Yeah, we cannot stop the past from getting back to us, but to look forward towards life is what we can do ...thanks for reading...:)

[R Smith]

oh i hate those kind of embarrassing memories even a hundred years ago it may seem you remember that stupid moment when you said or did something really silly and now its so cringe worthy and still is, a great poem but you got me thinking of all those cringe moments thanks! good work my friend :)

[Sanjh]

Yes we want to forget everything and move on but the past always comes back. But we can always look forward in life hoping for the very best...

Thank you for reading...:)

[Laura Lynn]

Why, I guess we don't have time to worry about whether people will laugh at us though sometimes we seem to need the attention. Attention can be genuine. I hate to think someone else was laughing at me, both a man and a woman..though this has happened to me and I had to be somewhere, the trouble is embracing the place we find ourselves for the amount of time necessary and figuring out how long to stay there or be there. 1hour in the library, fine for some for others not a library but a store, for others not a store but a home, or a workplace, or a fundraiser, a social gathering, a church, hopefully we are all going to all these places if we need to..that is quite tangential.

[TheLostMind]

A really good write.. :) . Yes, the past will haunt us forever but we must learn to let go of all the bad things.. Keep only those memories which make us smile. Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising each time we fall. :)

[Sanjh]

Well said, true words, we can not run from our past but we can use it as our strength and move on......
Thank you for appreciating...:)

[Mohamed Al Banna]

I'm not a poem writer, I'm more of a story writer. Still, I found this poem quite powerful and meaningful. I kindly note that it could be more cohesive, although I'm not sure if it's the word that accurately stands for what I mean. Either way, I hope this helped a little.

[Sanjh]

Thank you for reading and I'm glad you liked it. However, I'm unable to get you above, if you can explain a bit more, that'd be very helpful.

Thanks again...:)

[Mohamed Al Banna]

After thinking about it, I guess what I meant earlier is that although the rhymes are great and the words are powerful, I don't fully comprehend the feeling that you're trying to convey to the readers. Maybe it's just me since I don't a lot poems.

[Sanjh]

Yeah,it's a bit confusing, could've been more clear...thanks for the advice :)

[MomzillaNC]

I disagree. It is powerful.

NOTES: It could use some editing for errors and for meter. I don't think poetry always requires a strict meter. But, when you employ rhyme, I think meter becomes far more important.

[Sanjh]

Yeah true. I will try my best to improve.

your reviews are always helpful, thank you so much...:)

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.