Flying Away...

Flying Away...

A Poem by Sanjh
"

Love's in the air...

"

The first time when I saw you,

my life was black and white...
When you smiled at me for the first time,
I knew everything's gonna be alright...

 

You came in like a breeze,

blowing my heart apart.
Like the first drop of the rain,

you gave my life a brand new start.
Your smile's my only hope,

the only thing I have in life.
Wish to be with you forever,
I wanna love you all my life...

 

My heart is flying away,

following you everywhere...

I'm going crazy for you,

don't know it's night or the day...
Yeah, my heart is beating so loud,
I can hear it loud in the crowd...
Your love is all over my mind,

and I'm in heaven on a cloud...

 

Your smile is my sunshine,

your hair is dark as night...

I'm falling for you every time,

and it seems to be so right...

 

Your love is everything,

that's keeping me alive...
I wanna feel you by my side,

wanna be with you all my life...
Every time I see you smile,

it makes my heart fly so high...
I'll die for you baby,
Would never ever let you cry...
Yeah, would never let you cry...

 
My heart is flying away,

following you everywhere...

I'm going crazy for you,

don't know it's night or the day...

And I know I'm trying so hard,

you are my life's missing part,

I'm sure that someday you'll see,

and we will never be apart...

 


© 2014 Sanjh


Author's Note

Sanjh
Kindly provide your views..

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Featured Review

This is a very sweet poem which highlights the initial emotions of new love. As Pushkar said in the review below, it is innocent. I would go so far as to say a little naive. The poem is reminiscent of a dozen red roses: beautiful and thoughtful but also a little predictable.

From a technical standpoint, watch out for tense confusion. The first stanza is a good example of going from past tense to present in a jarring manner:
"When you smiled at me for the first time, (past tense)
I knew everything's gonna be alright." (present tense)

"Yeah, my heart is beating so loud,
I can hear it loud in the crowd..." this feels a little awkward. Too many rhyming words in these two lines. Consider revision.

"You are all over on my mind" This is also an awkward line. "all over" would not be used to describe how often you think of somone. Consider revision.

On the whole, it is a fun poem. I think what I'd like to see is a series as the relationship progresses. Because the truth is love is painful and it's a full time job. We're going to cry, be hurt, and hopefully forgive. The evolution of a first crush to the last fight would be something I'd like to see on paper.

Posted 6 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

6 Years Ago

Thank you for reading and providing so many helpful inputs. I'll try my best to improve it and other.. read more
icomeanon_13

6 Years Ago

Keep writing! You're well on your way.



Reviews

I love this poem! :) it's well described and full joy! :)

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

5 Years Ago

Thank you so much Lyndy. :)
It's nice and captivating.

Seem like you havefelt those emotions because it is described as a dreamy love but at the same time it could be true.

I am a person who believes in this kind of love so I really liked the poem! :)

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

5 Years Ago

Thank you so much for appreciating. :)
This sounds like someone had their heart broken and got it back after their true love picked up the pieces, great story keep writing because you are the next Shakespeare.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

5 Years Ago

hahaha, thank you so much Hailey. I'll try my best. :)
Its once again a very beautifully written poem. It does, although, fit in like a song. This poem has this strong emotion of first love revolving around it. How you feel that everything right now in your life is for that one person you love! Beautifully conveying the state of a person in love... I liked it a lot! It is such a lovely piece that each time I read it... I can not help but smile at my own memories of those times. Thank you for sharing! Keep writing! :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much Shivangi...:)
I think this would make a better song than poem, personally. As a musician I can just imagine music playing along with it. This is a beautiful and sweet piece of art. Great work!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

6 Years Ago

Thank you Brit, I wrote it as a song only, just waiting to be sung with music...:)
is this a poem or song?
i mean really i m confused..
very well written ..
just flowing with the emotions:)
keep writing

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

6 Years Ago

Thanks Rashu...:)
Oh wow, I absolutely love this poem. Is sounds like a song. It flows beautifully!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

6 Years Ago

Thanks you for appreciating LadyNaida...:)
When you fall in love, your heart takes flight and soar! Beautiful poem!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much...:)
I like how icimeanon_13 says like a dozen red roses...this a very good review she does that follow

Sometime I don't know why but we feel like that what you express in this poem

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much Laura...:)
My heart is flying away,

following you everywhere...

I'm going crazy for you,

don't know it's night or the day... 
Yeah, my heart is beating so loud, 
I can hear it loud in the crowd... 
Your love is all over my mind,

and I'm in heaven on a cloud...

One of my favorite parts :')
Another Masterpiece Sanjh

 


Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much Layi...:)

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1146 Views
36 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on November 5, 2014
Last Updated on December 11, 2014
Tags: love, romance, lyrics, teen, song

Author

Sanjh
Sanjh

New Delhi, India



About
So I'm back after a small gap of 5 months. I have more than 1200 RRs, sorry I won't be able to read them all, only the latest. Thank you for reading and reviewing my writings. :) I am a part time w.. more..

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