I wish you were mine...

Trying another song...

Anywhere...
Everywhere...
I just see your face,
I feel you in this air...

I'm here...
And I'm in fear...
It hurts so much inside,
And I'm all tears...

I wish you were mine,
With all my heart I've been trying,
I wish we could fly away,
But you always kept on lying...
I wish you were mine,
Now look, I'm crying,
I gave you my everything,
Now all what left is dying...


It's been so long...
I've been praying along...
Just waiting for you,
But I was so damn wrong...

I tried to be strong...
Wrote too many songs...
Thinking it might change your heart,
But I was so damn wrong...

I wish you were mine,
With all my heart I've been trying,
I wish we could fly away,
But you always kept on lying...
I wish you were mine,
Now look, I'm crying,
I gave you my everything,
Now all what left is dying...


Now look at me...
I'm on my knees...
I'm crying your name,
Please hear my plea...

Sorrows, deeper than sea...
and you are the key...
Now kiss my lips,
And set me free...

I wish you were mine,
With all my heart I've been trying,
I wish we could fly away,
But you always kept on lying...
I wish you were mine,
Now look, I'm crying,
I gave you my everything,
Now all that's left is dying...

Author's Note

It's incomplete, not exactly how I framed it, so I'll be making many more changes in it. Your views will be very valuable...Thank you...:)

Reviews

[Moonlight]

This piece is indeed a very sad one. I liked how you were able to get through the strong emotions he feels on being heartbroken. The feeling of emptiness one feels when the one person he/she loves lies to him/her is something probably incomparable to any sorrow. The plea of the poet is beautifully pictured... something that is quite difficult when using repetition. This piece of yours effectively communicates the anguish and pain of the writer. I really loved it. :)

[Sanjh]

Thank you Shivangi, I'm glad you liked it...:)

[Laura Lynn]

may God bring you a love, a dear love to be there for you and you for her, what I also hope for oftentimes, not knowing if it will happen or if I have

[Sanjh]

Maybe some time in future Laura, thank you for the kind words...:)

[Sarah]

this flows nicely. i could see this as a song or performed as spoken word. there is lots of emotion in this and it spills out and reaches the reader. good write.

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much Sarah...:)

[Lenah Mehzabin]

completely amazing ! ..i 'm really becoming a fan of ur writings ,keep it up and thnks for such a nyc share :-)

[Sanjh]

Lol, thank you so much for the kind words friend...:)

[Lenah Mehzabin]

haha welcome wlc :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

beautifully done........
i loved it!!!
:)

[Sanjh]

Thanks Bro...:)

[Confuser]

Sanjh, I always enjoy your writing as with this: you pour your heart into it. I read that you are a singer as well. I need to know, what genre of music, this is intended to be. I have not listened to much Indian music and would not be qualified. Please let me kow. I love the theme. I will put a rating, as I think I must, but let me know so I can hopefully help, pull something out of my old brain.

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much Dale, I can sing a bit. And as per the tune that I've created for this song, soft rock or pop music will work. Maybe music used by Westlife, Coldplay, MLTR. Country music might also work. You can help me with anything, from vocab to any corrections or anything in rhyming.

Thank you for helping Dale, you are always kind...:)

[Confuser]

Sanjh, I think it is good, need a bridge, certain you know. Will read over again. Thank you.

[Sanjh]

Yeah, thanks for suggesting that Dale, a bridge would be great. I'll work on it...:)

[Coyote Poetry]

A emotional ride in the powerful poetry. We can give love and it may not be returned. I liked the flow of thoughts leading to the sad ending.
"I gave you my everything,
Now all what left is dying..."
Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much Coyote, I'm glad you liked it...:)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Sanjh, this reads very fluently like a song, with the repetition of some sentences you emphasize the thoughts, the feelings. Very well done. :) Rudi

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much Rudi...:)