Confidence

How confident are you..?

Why is it me who can not be as confident as those I see...
I hide my face...I avoid their eyes...I can't let them look at mine...
I feel so ugly, so imperfect, so impure...
I feel like I have nothing left to live for...
I often lie alone at night, trying to build up what you know as confidence...
It's started around when I was ten, the other kids wouldn't let me in...
They see my face and laugh and talk...
Spit in my face like I'm some dog...
They would call me ugly, and call me names...
At first I thought it was fun and games...
Then after awhile I thought it could be...
I'm ugly who would ever look at me...
I shunned my self I stayed away...
I his my face until this day...
It hurts to smile I feel so dull, I'm just as ugly as I was before...
I tried to do the things they tell me, pick your head up walk strong be confident all ready...
I could never bring myself to do the things that they all want from me...
I can't look in the mirror, I can't stand the sight...
It seems like all the people had it right...
I can't give up, I might start to fight... I need my confidence to get the spot light...
So now I have my days when I'm as bright as the sunny.
I also have my days when it's raining and numb...
But for the most half I've started to believe...
In my self and the things I could be...
I'm way more confident then I was before, I hope one day I could get some more...
Now you know and now you see...
What confidence really means to me...

© 2018 Sanbino Rodriguez-White

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Gaining of self confidence it's very hard job. Special with this kind of conditions how you describe. I think all start in family if your parents often argue and use dirty words or they use beating child like for of punishment etc. How you are treated at school if you have friends or not. Best what you can do find in which activity you are best. Keep focusing and day by day became stronger and stronger . And there you will find your confidence not just for your self but also for other people and wholeworld. This is my experience. I hope it will work for you all the best .