Under The Rose Trellis

Choka, the longest of Japanese Haiku type poem...

                             Running Pale Pink Rose

                       On the trellis grows_soft scent

                             Wafts on morning air

                   

                               Under rose trellis

                       You steal a kiss__Oh! Blissful

                            Lips that taste of rose

 

Author's Note

Choka, written in response to competition that said leave me breathless..

Reviews

[David Scott]

There is something special about a rose, a kiss, and a poem...
They are all rather "minuscule" in the grand scheme of things. Yet, they all have the power to change this world into a better place...
Much like you Sara as an author... Making the world a better place.
Lovely!

[erik_nihil]

Nice, sweet, and to the point. Nothing extraneous, tight, concise. A tiny slice of an innocent moment. Pretty much what a poem is supposed to be. Kind of brings to mind William Carlos Williams, one of my favorite poets. It says a lot about a writer when he or she can wrap images around a moment and capture it in a minimal amount of words. Like a laser beam -- good job.

[Moflo]

This is really put together well. Very vivid imagery and great description.

[Caitlynxoxo]

I agree; this left me breathless, hungry for more :) i must have re-read it about six times now, and each time I feel a sort of blissful peace come over me from the simplicity, yet poetic words you used. It was short, but had enough to satisfy any reader. Thanks for sharing

xoxo Caitlyn xoxo

[OT]

a lovely, well constructed poem, flows so well and is really nice!
Favourite lines have to be the last two, a great internal rhyme and end:

"You steal a kiss__Oh! Blissful
Lips that taste of rose"

[Tina Kline]

This does leave a person breathless, its beautiful in every way possible.

[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

Sweet and pretty!

[Shellie]

well presented, it was a breath of fresh air quite literally.

[Nimbus Thread]

The secrets that roses hide are beautiful. The form is well represented here, defining the essence of a kiss.

[Pax Analog]

Ah, yet another Japanese haiku variation, extended.

Breathless brisk bouquet o' bliss!

And the venerable fragrant rose turned to taste is a fine twist.

[Kerry O'Connor]

That last line is glorious - a poem of delicacy and grace.