The Highest my Life Could Get

A suicide poem.

If I fell,  

There would be no one to catch me, 

If I strayed down the wrong path, 

There would be no one to fetch me, 

From the top of the tower, 

It's the highest my life could get, 

Shaken by this chilling wind, 

My mind sadistically forgets,  

If I took a jump, 

There would be no one to prevent me,

 If I closed my eyes and leaned,

 There would be no one to repent me,  

I stand on the roof, 

It's the closest to Heaven I could ever be, 

I'm an angel without wings, 

That's just how my human side should be, 

If I took my life, 

There would be no one to cry over me, 

If I spread my arms and leapt, 

There would be no losing sleep at nigh for me,  

I quiver about the distance, 

But for now I'm at the high of my world, 

This is my time, for once about me, 

And now my body is being hurled,  

Falling faster than my tears, 

Past every hurt and every fear, 

But yet you just walked away, 

No one was ever meant to stay, 

Author's Note

The quote from The Legend of Zelda... The twilight Princess...

Reviews

[dw817]

Reading this, Sarah. Understand, there is always someone there to catch you. Always someone who wants to be with you. I don't necessarily mean in this mortal coil, this constricting asphyxiation. No ... beyond that.

It took me till I was 12-years old to find my soul-mate, and she was not of this world. But she was there for me. Utterly and completely. It's kind of hard to describe. Like a sleep, a deep one, the kind that enfolds you, almost smothers you in its embrace. But it's not unpleasant, it's one of yearning and desire beyond life and death. It's the knowledge that someone somewhere truly does love you just for you.

It shows ... we're not alone - and never have been.

[LazerRays]

Thank you Dw for those kind words. I appreciate you stopping by tremendously. And I can relate to you finding the love of your life as I have found mine

[dw817]

Well I've actually been dating (real people) since I was 17. Being going steady for quite some time.

But as she worded it, in this dream state I have sometimes, "If no-one else will have you - I will."

You can find me writing a bit about her HERE:
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/dw817/1193160/

My doctor ? He's a bit more skeptical. He said this is clearly an alternate personality of mine, and one that operates independently of my own conscious thought and looks out for the real me.

[LazerRays]

Oh wow I forgot to respond my bad, just noticed haha. I get what you mean, I used to have an imaginary friend in 8th grade through 10th that I wrote about so much and thought about that they became real. I had to go to therapy because I couldn't tell the difference between me and them. I was them, they were me, they were real. Luckily after therapy I've gotten help deciferying reality versus fiction. But even now I see a therapist for interacting with the real world as i hallucinate and often don't know how to respond socially to certain things. It's all learning to act haha- learning how to react. How to learn and function.

[dw817]

NP, SA. Edgar Allen Poe was quoted:

“Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence– whether much that is glorious– whether all that is profound– does not spring from disease of thought– from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect.”

Basically I think we're all insane, we just learn how to act "proper" amongst society to cover it up.

Thanks for writing back !

[LazerRays]

True to that, better yes, what is the definition of insane? Losing one’s mind? But what does that look like? Choosing to follow the crowd as what they view as normal? Which wouldn’t that be the stand alone complex? If everyone tried to fit in for something that doesn’t exist, something they made up for standards then that tells you something about humans. It’s all a view that’s been passed down for generations and we all pretend it exists. Why are those who call out on this fakeness and act different viewed as “insane” or “lost their mind”
Who’s the crazy one? People who pretend to be normal because everyone else deems what normal behavior is (and they only deem it that because ones before did) or those who defy it?
I think I know ;)
And ha, it isn’t me.

[dw817]

Losing one's mind is an easy thing to see - and experience. Your balances shift. When you are "crazy" you have balances that people think are too extreme or too short.

Whether it's manic or depressive insanity is almost always misconstrued by society's definition of "normal."

[LazerRays]

Unfortunately. I either feel too extreme or not at all. There is no inbetween, just violent instability. Too much feeling or too little feeling.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ah, it took me a while to really review this because the tone here always stopped me short while reading...
It's always a strange feeling, knowing you're at the high of your world but that being your lowest too..I think that's a space where we take ourselves to not let anything touch or affect us in anyway. Perhaps, in a way it works for the time being, but it leaves us falling faster.. I can relate to how you feel in the first stanza btw, but that changed for me, 'cause I did find this beautiful soul who caught me when I was about to fall in the realms of darkness. I hope that happens for you too.
I always get so much out of your writes, Sarah. x

[LazerRays]

Oh yumna, I'm sorry it was hard for you to read XD and I apologize for my late response!!! Haha, didn't see it here until now :P thank you for such thoughtful review as you always give me. I always enjoy reading your comments the most

[Robert Trakofler]

Oh my very somber tune in this.... the arms of a thousand would clutch and hold your spirit and your voice would give no tone! Only silent echoes of resonance in a cacophony of shrill! tis better to stand sound and write the right rather then to wrap ineffectual as silent witness and recorder.... ask the spirits about you and they will tell you the same my lovely dear Poe girl. you have a gift that should be used refined and shared in your plight of melancholic turnings

[LazerRays]

thank you so much! youre flattering; but im not as good as people say. I appreciate you stopping by! it always makes me smile when i get a review; it warms my heart. Thanks again!

[Robert Trakofler]

I wouldn't waste my efforts to say that to you if i did not see it

[Mr. Mills]

I know life can leave you like this. Always when you're on top of the building. Do I decide to jump? Death may be my only friend.

[LazerRays]

Thank you for this lovely review! thanks for stopping byyyyyy :P nice seeing you here!!!

[Mr. Mills]

Where you go, I will go Sarah

[LazerRays]

Hahahaha thats sweet! thanks! i'll try going to somewhere nice, maybe hawaii :P

[Christian]

This is super powerful. This really made me think about how I interact with those around me. The lines: "Tell me this - can you see? The ay depression has affected me? But yet you just walked away," Hit close to home for me. Won't go into the details here, but made me think back to those times. Thank you for sharing as always.

[LazerRays]

thank you for your review! i appreciate you stopping by!!! :D

[¿]

Too tired of being alive in this life, no?
Depression, anxiety, failures, agony, cheats, hunger, loveless and what not!....Die die die.....
But, there's always a But ;) life's beeeautiful....also yours heart that's more strong than an iron and soft than a cotton!
🏂🏃🏄🏊 let's live, Sarah!!!!😁

[LazerRays]

hahahah, youre sweet Tahsin. Thats nice of you :)
thank you for stopping by with such a lovely review! much appreciated!

[¿]

And you're strong! ;)
You're welcome❤

[duck]

when life gets to much of living with depression. this poem is so powerful and tells everyone how bad depression is. feel the desperation all the way through your words and the being alone was heat breaking. you being at the highest point in your life was the bit that got me thinking and this is when you took control over depression. this was sad to read and its a wake up call to anyone on the seriousness of depression. pure therapy in reading your poetry and this will help lots and I thank you for sharing your work sarah.

[LazerRays]

ah, thank you for such a thoughtful comment here. im glad you appreciate this poem! thanks for stopping by!!!!! :D