Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I spent the remainder of the day in and out of consciousness. Noah never left my side although a few times I would wake up and notice that he had dozed off in the chair positioned next to me. I can’t really blame him. He spent the whole night worried sick about me.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t too shaken up from the accident. Just a couple of bruises and cuts here and there. A deep bruise on my chest and stomach from where the seatbelt had been and a few more on my legs from where the truck caved in. Cuts on my arms from the windshield breaking.

Noah told me that police said the crash occurred around seven o’clock. A neighbor heard the collision and immediately called 9-1-1. Police arrived on the scene moments later to find me and Caleb trapped in the car as well as the driver of the car that hit us. They cut the roof and rushed us here as quickly as possible. Both Caleb and the other driver were in critical condition and here I am, hardly a scratch on me. I will never understand how the God that Caleb prays to could be so cruel.

I slept through the whole night and awoke around ten the next morning. A little stiff but nothing compared to Caleb. He was put into surgery upon arriving to the hospital and appeared well, but apparently there were complications this morning and he had to be rushed back into surgery. His parents never even got to see him.

“Hey you. How are you doing?” asked a voice from the doorway. It was Mr. Kepner. He meandered into the room and pulled up a chair. Noah awoke from his daze and moved the chair over to make room for my visitor. I don’t think either of them knew who the other was and I wasn’t prepared to explain it to them right now.

“I’m okay,” I stated. “Just a little sore.” My eyes shifted to Noah’s. “Umm, how’s Caleb?” I asked.

Noah looked at me confused. “Who is this, Charlie?” he asked.

“I’m Patrick Kepner, Caleb’s father,” he said reaching out his hand for a formal handshake. Noah smiled and bit his lip. He glared at Mr. Kepner, and let out a little chuckle. He stood up, and for a second I was frightened at what he might do.

“Noah�"”

“I should go,” he said clenching his fist and walking out the door. In my head I envisioned him punching the wall before he left the room, but it didn’t happen. Mr. Kepner looked perplexed, but I shrugged it off. I can’t blame Noah for not wanting to meet the father of the kid who punched him in the face. The father of the kid who stole me from him.

“How’s Caleb?” I asked again. Mr. Kepner rubbed his hands together. His right leg was shaking up and down, giving me a damn headache, but I didn’t say anything. He inhaled deeply through his nose and exhaled out his mouth.

“No word yet,” he responded softly. His voice was barely audible and I know it was killing him inside not knowing what was happening. The doctors refused to tell him anything, and I could see the denial in his eyes. He didn’t want to believe any of this was happening and refused to face reality until the time came.

“I came here for another reason, though,” he said looking up at me. I smiled slightly.

“What reason?”

He took another deep breath. “Your mother is on her way,” he said quietly. I glanced away. What did he just say? The walls of the hospital room reminded me of the walls of the guest room. The same white color. I felt as though my life was becoming trapped within this blank shade. Emptiness consuming me like it consumed my mother.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, raising my voice.

“I called her and told her what happened,” he said.

“How did you get her number,” I asked puzzled. None of this was making any sense. She had just written to me yesterday and now she was coming here? And for what reason? I certainly didn’t want to see her, and he must have known that.

“A friend of mine grew up with your mother. They keep in contact to this day.”

I shook my head. Friends? No, there’s no way. My mother had no friends. Who would want to be friends with her? She was nothing but a pathetic excuse for a mother. A beautiful mess. Poisonous not only to herself but to everyone she knew.

“What are you talking about?”

“I know this is all so complicated for you right now.” I didn’t want to hear this. I didn’t want to hear a goddamn thing about her, but he wouldn’t stop. “I reached out to my friend, and he gave me her contact information. I told her what had happened to you, and she insisted on booking the first flight out here.”

My eyes widened. There is no way in hell I am seeing my mother. I never want to see that worthless b***h again. She is the reason I can’t sleep at night. The reason I am so fucked up in the head. I couldn’t possibly handle seeing her. I don’t know what I might do. “I don’t want to see her,” I stated. Mr. Kepner looked down at his shoes. He scratched at the back of his head with his left hand. His demeanor changed. He had tried being comforting and calm with me, but that wasn’t working out in his favor.

“Charlie, I know this is hard to understand, but she is your mother�"”

I snapped. “She is not my mother,” I shouted. He was taken aback. I think I frightened him the way I raised my voice. His fists clenched the chair and he sat back. The whole time, his leg never stopped shaking. He shifted his weight in the chair looking rather uncomfortable, but I didn’t care. How dare he talk about her like this. My mother couldn’t didn’t give a f**k about me. If she cared even the slightest she would’ve put the bottle down for two seconds. Couldn’t resist the sweet temptation of liquor. Pitiful.

“Charlie�"”

“Please leave,” I said glancing over to the other side of the room. I couldn’t stand it. Why was he taking her side?

Fortunately, he followed my instructions and left the room without another word. I watched him go, head and shoulders drooping down. I sat up in bed and fluffed the pillow. There technically wasn’t anything wrong with me, so I wasn’t sure why I was still here. A nurse came by seconds later and I questioned her.

“It’s just precautionary,” she had said smiling, glancing down at my wrist. So that’s what this is about, I thought to myself. They had seen my scars. They knew it wasn’t from the accident. I glared at her, but the smile never left her face. I wondered if she got paid extra or something to wear that fake smile. It’s like it was painted on. Her whole face was. I can’t imagine she enjoyed her job.

I smiled back at her and nodded, but the second she left the room, I pulled the IV out of my arm. I found my clothes and purse sitting on a nearby counter in a wrinkled mess. I quickly changed out of the gown I had been wearing into my clothes, and examined the contents of my purse. Inside was my wallet, chap stick, nail polish, keys, phone. All of the little things that were there before. Even the letter. I took it out of the envelope once again and traced along the creases with my fingertips. Quickly, I unfolded the letter and read through it again, searching for something, anything to make me forgive my mother. But there was nothing. I don’t think any amount of time would allow me to forgive her for what she had done.

I placed the letter back into the envelope and shoved it into my purse. I placed the strap around my head and rested it on my neck. I walked toward the door and looked outside. People were everywhere. A pregnant woman in a wheelchair being pushed by the father. A child screaming his head off as his mother held him in her arms. Looked like a nasty break in the arm. Nurses in baby blue scrubs and doctors in prestigious white coats walked around as though they had everything under control. I spotted Caleb’s parents sitting in a corner.

Mr. Kepner was on the left and his wife on the right. Her face was puffy and red like she had been up crying all night. Her torso was bent over as she held her stomach and stared at the floor. Mr. Kepner had his arm around her, rubbing her shoulder, murmuring something that I couldn’t hear. I glanced away trying not to think about them right now. If I thought of them, I’d think about Caleb, and I couldn’t stand not knowing. Of course, it had to be ten times harder on his parents, but if that was the case, I don’t know how either of them could hold it together because I couldn’t even manage.

I didn’t know where I was going to go, but I needed to leave this place. I hated hospitals. The beeps, the screams. Nothing good ever happened at a hospital.

I looked both ways out the door, and before anyone had seen me, I rushed out of that room, down the hall towards one of the side doors and escaped.

I wasn’t sure exactly what time it was, but the sun was beginning to set. I imagined it was around seven o’clock, but I could be wrong. The parking lot was jam packed and I guess I expected nothing less. Hospitals always have guests. Disaster doesn’t wait to strike. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. No days are safe.

I fumbled through my purse and found my phone. The battery was almost dead, but I needed to call Noah. I tried three or four times, but it was unsuccessful. God, why couldn’t he pick up the damn phone? Where could he have gone?

Noah wasn’t answering the f*****g phone and Caleb was in the goddamn hospital. Caleb’s house was too far away to walk to, so I needed to call someone. I searched through my contacts looking for someone I could call. I landed on Derrick, Noah’s friend. I hadn’t talked to him in months. Not since high school ended. Honestly, I didn’t plan on keeping in touch with anyone from high school, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Hello,” he said, answering the phone.

“Derrick?” I asked.

“Yeah, who is this?”

“It’s Charlie,” I responded, embarrassed. As soon as I said it I wondered myself why in God’s name I had called him.

“Oh hey Charlie, what’s going on?” he asked, just as perplexed as I was.

“Could you, uh, possibly do me a favor?” I asked.

“What favor?”

He agreed, and picked me up fifteen minutes later. His car was a mess. He threw a few things into the back seat to make room for me before I could sit down. His car smelled like sweat and weed. I wasn’t too fond of it, but I didn’t really have the audacity to complain either. “Thank you for coming to pick me up,” I said after a while.

“Sure no problem,” he said, turning up the bass. It blared through the radio and the whole car felt like it was vibrating. I wasn’t really a fan of his music. The noise just left me with a blaring headache. “Why did you call me?” he asked after a while.

“I didn’t really have anyone else to call,” I stated, glaring out the window. The sun was just starting to set and creating a beautiful muddle of colors up in the sky. Shades of reds and pinks and oranges all scattered through the clouds. A colossal cluster of magnificence. We stopped at a red light and he looked over at me puzzled.

“What about that guy you were with?” he questioned.

“Caleb? Oh we’re not together anymore. But he’s in the hospital,” I said straight faced.

“Is he alright?” he asked disinterested. He cared about Caleb about as much as I cared about him.

“I’m not sure,” I said quietly.

“Well, why didn’t you call Noah?”

“I did,” I replied. “But he didn’t answer.”

“He was always talking about you, you know that?” he said smiling. “Ever since Alex, you know�"”

His voice trailed off. He regretted it as soon as he said it. When Alex died, it hit everyone hard. Our principle set up a vigil service for here at the school one Saturday night, and practically the whole school showed up. Everyone loved her, yet it wasn’t enough to save her. More counseling and proactive measures were taken following her death around school. Counselors freed up their schedules for weeks in case anyone needed to talk. I should’ve gone, but I couldn’t work up the courage to go.

“He talked about me?” I probed further.

“Oh yeah,” he said undoubtedly. “He was going to ask you to prom and everything.” I hadn’t known that.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah, he was really crazy about you,” he said. Maybe I was so blinded. I had never thought of Noah as anything but a friend, and I couldn’t start thinking about him like that now. Not with everything going on in my life between Caleb and my mother.

Derrick dropped me off at Caleb’s house, and I gave him a twenty for gas in return. He said I didn’t need to, but I insisted. Now that I was here, I needed to figure out what I wanted to do next. I wasn’t sure where Noah was, so I went to only other comfort I could think of. Alex. Before I headed out, I dashed up the stairs and into the guest room. I grabbed a bottle, and started back towards the stairs. Passing by Caleb’s room, I stopped. The door was cracked open, and I couldn’t help but peer inside. The last time I had been in his room was when we were dating. It must’ve been a month or so. I opened the door slightly and flicked on the light switch. His bed was made perfectly. Not one crease could be found in those sheets. He had always been such a perfectionist. Not for himself but to please his parents. Everything he did, he did to please them, and to me, that’s just the saddest way to live. His room was so flawless, it was almost scary. All of his books were stacked perfectly according to size. Biggest on the bottom, each book descending in size to the top of the stack. I smiled, remembering the time I got Caleb to skip class with me. He was always afraid that we’d get caught. At least that’s what he had told me. I think he was more afraid of his parents finding out. What they would do to him.

Caleb never told them about me. Sure, I had met them and they knew who I was, but they didn’t know the logistics. They knew about my mother and my father because, well, everyone in town did. What I mean is, that they didn’t know about my habits. They didn’t know I cut class regularly. They didn’t know I was such a troublemaker. Probably assumed I had met Caleb in one of the honors classes at school. Little did they know I was barely passing classes that were below standards for my grade level. Not because I wasn’t smart, but because I frankly just didn’t care. To me, school was always a big joke. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s a complete waste of time and it doesn’t teach you about anything that matters. Maybe if the education system spent a little more time worrying about the students’ mental health and discussed issues like family, there wouldn’t be so many kids wanting to kill themselves. And it wasn’t just Alex. Hell no. I guarantee there’s a dozen more kids walking around those halls everyday wishing to God it would all just end. I know this for a fact because I’m one of them. And if I’m one, you better believe there’s others.

So, more or less, school was never really my thing. I used to cut classes I hated because they were taught by teachers I hated. I used to like history. I thought it was interesting learning about the past and how it made us all who we are today. But when the curriculum became test based and all of our time was spent preparing for exams, I lost interest. Can you blame me? What am I going to be able to do in life if the only thing I ever really learned was how to take a test?

My grandmother knew I hated school, but not to the extent that I actually did. Honestly though, she didn’t mind that much. She said my mother never liked school either. Makes sense that I wouldn’t enjoy it.

Caleb stopped by my locker before school one Friday morning. It was May so there was less than a month left until graduation. I was sitting on the floor by my locker like people usually did. Had my headphones in, listening to the sounds of the hallways awaken after another dormant night. He set his backpack on the ground, and plopped down beside me.

“Good morning,” he stated giving me a kiss on the lips.

“Morning,” I responded. I was writing in my notebook this morning. He glanced over to see, but I shut it. “I’ve got an idea,” I said turning to him.

He smiled and rolled his eyes. “Here we go again,” he said. “Charlie’s got an idea. That’s never good,” he uttered.

I rolled my eyes back and smiled. “Come on,” I replied. “Give this one a chance,” I stated licking my lips. He looked back into my eyes and nodded.

“Alright, fine. What’s your bright idea?”

“Follow me,” I said standing and gathering my stuff.

“Where are we going?” he asked concerned.

“I’m going to show you, genius.”

“But what about class? School starts in ten minutes.”

“Will you forget about this place for five minutes? There’s more to life than this God forsaken place, Caleb,” I said. He looked unsure. I know school meant a lot to him, but this meant a lot to me, and he knew it.

“I don’t know about this Charlie,” he said looking at the ground.

“I’m going with or without you,” I responded. “Your choice.” I waited with my arms crossed. For a second I thought he might stay. He’d never skipped school a day in his life. But he was curious. So he nodded and followed me down the hall and out the door.

Caleb drove, and I sat in the passenger seat. I liked driving but only when I was alone.

“Where are we going,” he asked once we were settled in the truck.

“My house,” I said. “I need to pick something up.”

“What,” he asked. I laughed. Caleb always needed to know. One of those people that couldn’t thrive in life without a plan. He hated adventures like this. I lived for them.

“Just wait and see,” I said laughing. He let out slight laugh. He was nervous, and I could tell. This was probably the craziest thing he’d ever done.

My grandmother’s apartment was only about fifteen minutes from the high school. We got there fairly quickly, and I told Caleb to park a few houses down the street, so my grandmother wouldn’t be suspicious of a truck out front. I unlocked the door, hopped out, and started running towards the apartment, looking out for anything that would ruin this day. I headed around the apartment building towards the back to check if my grandmother’s car was still there. It was. Certainly, she was awake. I just didn’t know where. I made my way to the back door of the apartment and put the key in the keyhole. Turning it slowly, as to not make a sound, I prodded the door open. Luckily, it didn’t squeak. I took one step inside and then another. The bedroom door was closed and I could hear the shower running. Jackpot, I thought as I walked in carelessly now. I headed straight for my bedroom, the room across from my grandmother’s.

It was nothing special. A bed, a desk that had never been used for anything school related, a bookshelf with all of the classics. I’d probably only read a dozen or so but there had to be forty or fifty books there. I said I’d get around to them some day. I just hadn’t reach that day yet. A wooden nightstand stood beside my bed similar to the one in Caleb’s guest room. A lamp was mounted on top alongside my alarm clock, a candle, and my notorious bottle of pills. 

Without wasting any time, I pulled out a box from underneath my bed. Inside were full bottles of alcohol. Wine bottles, hard liquor, beer. I figured since this was Caleb’s first time drinking I should go a little easy on him. I picked out a bottle of red wine for myself and stuffed about five bottles of beer in my backpack. I knew Caleb probably wouldn’t drink them all, but just in case. They clinked together as I placed each bottle inside, hoping it wasn’t loud enough for my grandmother to hear. Just as I carefully placed the last bottle inside my bag, I heard the shower turn off. Quickly, I zipped up my backpack and got the hell out of there before she found me. I closed the door of the apartment as quietly as I could and locked it behind me. Step one of my plan had been a success. Now onto step two.

I reached the spot where Caleb had parked a little ways down the street and got back inside.

“What did you get?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said laughing again. “Just drive.” He obeyed, and we were off.

“Where to my lady?” he questioned smiling.

“Well it’s going to be a scorcher today. I say we head to the beach,” I responded grinning. He leaned over and gave me another kiss on the lips. I could tell by his nervous smile that he was still nervous, but he couldn’t deny that fact that he was having fun.

I had never taken anyone to my place before, so if anyone should’ve been nervous it should’ve been me. This was my place to relax and think. Reflect and unwind.

We pulled up and parked along the street. I got out of the truck first, and Caleb followed.

“This is the beach?” he asked sarcastically slamming the door of his truck shut. It didn’t look like much. There were a line of trees standing in between us and the view.

“Just come here,” I said grabbing his hand and leading him past the wall of trees blocking the place I called home. We walked through the maze of trees and bushes, knocking away thorns and branches in the process. And then there it was. Just like I had last seen it. Breathtaking.

Our feet reached the sand, and I kicked off my flip flops and held them in my hand. I walked along the shore towards the water, and stood by a giant boulder. “Well,” I started. “What do you think?” He stood there for a moment and just watched me. I danced around smiling. I put my backpack down on the ground and opened it up. “Well, aren’t you going to come here?” I asked luring him over.

Slowly, as if unsure about something, he started over. He leaned up against the rock. He took my hands in his and stared at me for the longest time. I really thought that’s when he was going to say those words. I thought for sure he was going to tell me he loved me. But he didn’t. He just pulled me in close, put his arms around me, and kissed my forehead.

I released first and sat down beside my bag taking out the bottles. First the bottles of beer and then the bottle of wine. I grabbed the pocket knife inside my backpack and cut off the seal. I stabbed the knife into cork and wiggled it around to pry open the bottle. Slowly, I worked the cork out of the bottle careful not to let any of the wine spill. “Want a beer?” I asked once I had finished. “Don’t think I forgot about you,” I said smiling and twisting the top off the bottle of Bud Light.

He looked nervous. The most he had ever drank was the wine at church, and I bet that little dose left a sour taste in his mouth. I held it out to him which he took reluctantly.

I took a big swig of my wine. God, it had been a while since I last tasted it and I had dearly missed it. I watched Caleb examine the inside of the bottle and take a deep breath. I didn’t want to pressure him, but I also thought he needed to let loose. He needed to get away from school and church and forget about all of those things for a while. “Give it a try,” I insisted.

He held the bottle up to his lips cautiously and then brought it back down again.

“You’re not going to get drunk off of one sip,” I said laughing. His cheeks reddened and I knew I was embarrassing him. He bit his lip and then chugged a quarter of the bottle. I laughed sipping at my own drink.

Releasing his lips from the bottle he swallowed and made a disgusted face. “How does anyone drink this stuff?” he asked laughing.

“It gets better,” I said. “Soon it’ll taste just like water.”

“Not soon enough,” he said taking another swig.

There we sat for hours, drinking and laughing, talking and smiling. I could tell Caleb was still nervous by the way he kept checking his watch. He’d say, “Twelve o’clock. I’d be in physics right now.”

“Would you shut up about school for five minutes? God, you’re giving me a headache.” He laughed and apologized every time.  “You know you’re going to get a detention,” I said, smiling.

“Well it wouldn’t be the first time,” he said smiling back. His teeth were perfect. Absolutely flawless. I guess all those years of being a metal mouth really paid off.

“Oh that’s right,” I said. “You never told me why you were in detention that day. What did the little preacher’s kid do to wind up there?” His smile faded and he glanced out into the water. I bit my lip. I probably shouldn’t have said that.

“It’s a long story,” he stated after a while.

“I’ve got plenty of time,” I responded, shrugging my shoulders. He let out a sigh.

“You really want to know?” he asked hesitantly. I nodded. His cheeks became flushed again and he cracked open beer number four and took a sip. I think he was feeling pretty buzzed at the moment otherwise he wouldn’t have told me. “I took the pass during history to go to the bathroom.” His words were beginning to slur. “But once I got in there, Noah and a couple of his buddies were in there smoking weed.” He paused to see my reaction, but I didn’t have one. I knew he smoked, and I wouldn’t put it past him to do it at school. “He asked if I wanted to try some, but I said no. ‘Come on you little Jesus freak’ he said pushing it towards me. I said no again, and he backed off. Only we heard a teacher walking down the hall, and they ran leaving me alone with bags of their weed.” he finished, looking down at the sand, ashamed. I put my arm around him and held him for a couple minutes. Noah never told me about that. I didn’t put it past him. Honestly, I don’t think he ever would’ve done something like that if his football buddies weren’t there. That’s the one thing I always hated about Noah. He was a really sweet and sensitive guy, but as soon as he was around anyone else, he put up this front. Just another person protecting his image, and that always bothered. But at the same time, he was always considerate towards me, so I couldn’t be mad at him.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” I said as compassionately as I could. I did feel sorry for him, but Noah was still one of my best friends. He had helped me through a lot and I couldn’t throw that friendship away for someone I met three months before. Caleb still didn’t look at me. Instead, he just chugged back another quarter of the bottle.

I missed Caleb. I missed him more than I had led on. And now I don’t know if I would ever see him again. Before I began to cry, I got the hell out of his room and bolted down the stairs.

Reviews

[Christopher Miller]

Having worked in an ER for years, I find it surprising (but I admit not impossible) that they wouldn't have more to say about the cuts on her wrist, especially since they were covered in band-aids. There's an opportunity here to display her reticence. They could ask about it, and then be too busy to press the issue when she doesn't want to talk about it. Or she could sense silent judgement, that stigma you mentioned before. "Well fine, here's a 1-800 number." That would also reinforce her notion that their air of concern is artificial, painted on like the nurse's smile. I worked with enough nurses who would take such an attitude.
Caleb's long story about how he got detention wasn't such a long story, but that is just an expression people use, sometimes as an attempt to change the subject. It was nice that you got back to that, an in a way that expands the history of him and Noah. I'm still waiting to hear more about the cross he gave Charlie in detention.

[Sarah]

You're definitely right and I will try to incorporate something more from the doctors about the cuts on her wrists. Thanks for the review!

[Rebecca]

i liked the beach scene. this chapter was confusing but work on expanding the beach scene with Caleb, you could have Caleb preaching to Charlie. The first introduction of Caleb in your novel made me think he was going to lead Charlie to God.

[Lorry]

You start here asking if you can ever believe in a god so cruel. As a non believer, I would say that I think that is what it’s all about, that elusive faith that others seem to find so readily, yet remains elusive to me. It can probably only be understood once it has been found, so that’ll be all I have to say on that subject 
Laying there in hospital, not knowing what’s going on, Noah, Mr K, Caleb, hearing her Mom is coming, leads to the confusion Charlotte must be feeling, but is a great reminder to the reader of how everything is interlaced to become part of the bigger picture. Very subtle, yet perfectly done.
It also leads well into her memories of Caleb, after you hearing a little more from Derrick about what Caleb said about Charlotte. Sometimes all it takes is one thought to start an avalanche of memories.
We are also learning more of the finer points of Charlotte and what has made her the person she is now. All her thoughts and musings, build a picture of who she really is and those moments of both gentle and torrid contemplation makes her much more real to the reader.
Taking Caleb to your plce and sharing that day together was worth the build up. It shows the reader that what I already mentioned, the fragility of thoughts having a devastating effect when remembered, leading to more and more confusion. I hope she finds her answers, but there is a long adventure ahead before that. Eight down, twelve to go, and I am hooked. 
So far so great.

[Sarah]

Thank you for the review. I actually just flipped some of this chapter and the next one last night so it'll be a different experience for you than it may have been for some others. All the same information just in a different order. But I'm glad you like it!

[Mifa]

Keep going. Onto the next one.