The First Cut

The First Cut

A Poem by Sarah

All I can think about is that blade.
Even when I'm not sad, I hear it calling my name.
Begging. Pleading.
Praying that I will come play.
I think about that first cut all the time.
Exhilarating in my mind.
I never thought blood was pretty,
Until I saw it dripping down my own skin.
I was obsessed.
My mind fixated on that feeling.
Silver was the only color I saw,
Until I finally relapsed.
Then red was the only color catching my eye.
A beautiful shade of crimson, dripping down my skin.
But it wasn't the same.
Nothing could compare to the first one.

© 2016 Sarah


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I hate to say this, but this is not unique to people growing up today. I've seen my fair share of cutters, if you'll excuse the term, I don't know the proper term. One person made me understand why, maybe because she was eloquent and had enough pain inside her to show me the truth. I never forgot what she said and why she said it, but I am glad I was there to listen.
You capture the moment so well here, the thought, the anticipation and release. Hopefully fictional my friend.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lorry

6 Years Ago

I didn't think so, but didn't know how to address the realities of assuming it was autobiographical... read more
Sarah

6 Years Ago

I've come to terms with my depression and cutting, and I no longer have a problem speaking about it... read more
Lorry

6 Years Ago

True. Maybe it is meant to be a way for you to help others too. from the negative comes a positive, .. read more


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Reviews

good poem. you could go into the narrator of the poem's reasons.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Amazing use of description and your words create visions of cut and blood.
"Then red was the only color catching my eye.
A beautiful shade of crimson, dripping down my skin."
The last lines are true. First cut is the deepest. Thank you Sarah for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


make ours mind to move in a positive way


Posted 6 Years Ago


I have never done this, but I've been suicidally depressed half my life, so I understand the feelings behind it very much. I like the way you have written this seemingly without discussing very much how it actually FEELS in a physical sense, but mostly focusing on how it LOOKS (I like the contrast between silver & red . . . your use of color is especially well done). This topic seems to be written about a fair amount on this website . . . but your message is one that I like the most becuz of the way you've simplified it.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Sarah

6 Years Ago

Thank you for the review! Appreciate it!
Like the first kiss, we never forget how it felt. Eventually the thrill fades.
Dark one, I've never but I know someone...

Posted 6 Years Ago


Sarah

6 Years Ago

Thanks for the review! It really does stay with you forever.
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Tee
Great piece, i can relate
really like this line ' Even when I'm not sad, I hear it calling my name.'

Posted 6 Years Ago


Sarah

6 Years Ago

Thanks for the review!
It is sad, but I know how it feels to be there, I have encountered those days with my own life... It may sound wrong to others but being in that situation the blade seems to be the best thing that could relief our pain... You have so powerfully expressed the feeling, the first cut is both the worst and the most relief giving... I felt the emotions of the poet... I hope you'll never have to go through this again...

Sincerely
Dhiman

Posted 6 Years Ago


Sarah

6 Years Ago

Thank you for the review!
i agree to what you said, it is common but i also agree that this poem is really deep and kinda eye opening to anyone that dont understand the pain that some go threw

Posted 6 Years Ago


Sarah

6 Years Ago

Thanks for the review! I'm glad it's eye-opening. I'm really just trying to share my emotions and ma.. read more
night

6 Years Ago

i agree there is a stigma around it, and yes with poems like this you may help get rid of it
It's interesting how comparable to other vices this is, in that the first time leaves such an imprint. Drug users and sex addicts both are often trying to recreate, or recapture those first experiences. And what it comes down to is the sudden chemical change, the endorphins released.
With it being so close, you'd think it would be more widely understood, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I think it's improving, at least.
And as with the other vices, it is not an end but a means. Hopefully, as the addiction becomes more widely understood by those who don't have it, those who do have it will come to understand there are other ways to pursue those ends.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sarah

6 Years Ago

I definitely agree with you. It took me a while to realize I wasn't ever going to feel what I felt t.. read more
razor blade serenade,never did understand the thrill of cutting your self

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sarah

6 Years Ago

Not many people do understand. I feel as though it requires personal experience to be fully understo.. read more
 wordman

6 Years Ago

lol,i wont..and don`t you either

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845 Views
13 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on August 16, 2016
Last Updated on August 16, 2016
Tags: Depression, Self-harm

Author

Sarah
Sarah

Carol Stream, IL



About
Hi there! I'm a 19 year old college student. I play softball in college and am majoring in psychology with a minor in French. Writing has always been a vice for me. A creative outlet to express my.. more..

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