Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 

“Heidi, I’m telling you the truth,” I said firmly, grasping her right hand.

“Bullshit, Will. I know you slept with her,” she said, pulling away from me.

“For the millionth time, I didn’t sleep with her!” It came out a little louder than I had anticipated, and I could see heads turning towards me in every direction. “I didn’t,” I said quieter this time, but she was already shaking her head at me and walking away.

“Heidi,” I yelled, but she didn’t turn back around. Just kept walking as her brown hair bobbed up and down with each step. Faces were still turned on me, and I blushed.

“What the hell are you all looking at?” I screamed to nobody in particular. Their faces turned away from me all at once as though it was choreographed. “God damn it,” I yelled, punching the locker next to mine. I saw a few people jump, but no one dared to look at me.

I shook my left hand, feeling the sting from that blow. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I probably deserved this. I was telling Heidi the truth. I never slept with Miranda. I thought about it, yes, but I never did it. The most we had done was kiss. Well, that’s the most I had done at least. She returned the favor with a little something extra, but that’s all on her.

Quickly, I grabbed a book out of my locker, and slammed it shut creating a cacophonous sound that rattled throughout the hall. I shoved the book into my backpack, and fumbled with the zipper. The stupid thing was stuck like it always was, and I nearly broke the thing off trying to zip up my backpack. Once I got it, I flung the thing over my shoulder, and headed towards my first class. Biology.

Mr. Morrison was my biology teacher. A scrawny man standing only 5’9” who wore a mustache that made him look like a pedophile. He probably was for what it’s worth. I bet he sold child pornography on the side to pay for his f*****g cat. He liked to tell us all about his cat, Toby, who had a whole slew of medical problems I couldn’t care less about. He just rambled on and on about that thing until I swear to God my ears were bleeding.

I walked into the classroom, early for a change, and plopped down in my seat. A few of my other classmates were already there sitting in their desks, waiting patiently for the bell to ring. Although I found it quite pathetic since class didn’t start for another ten minutes. I slumped down in my seat watching Mr. Morrison. He was reading some book called Science Rules! Go figure, right? I couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle, turning a few heads towards me.

“What are you looking at, princess?” I asked, sneering at the girl sitting a few desks behind me. I didn’t know her name, and I’d only ever seen her a couple of times walking through the halls. She was short. 5’2” at most, and she wore a brown skirt down to her ankles with white tennis shoes that looked like she had picked them up at Goodwill.

She turned away, her cheeks flushing immediately.

“Answer me, b***h,” I demanded. She looked up at me, her eyes widened.

“Excuse me, Mr. Parker, but that kind of language is not allowed in my classroom.” I looked up at Mr. Morrison, staring at me sternly, the book still in his hands. I chuckled to myself again, but let it go. I didn’t need another detention. I already had them lined up for the next month for getting caught smoking pot in the bathroom. “I think an apology is in order,” he stated, now looking towards the girl.

“Sorry,” I muttered, refusing to even look at her.

“Now don’t let it happen again, or else,” he said sternly. I almost laughed when he said that last part. Or else. What the f**k could he do? At 6’5, I towered over him and could knock him out with one punch. I shook my head, and tried to contain my laughter.

I took a pen out of my jeans pocket and began chewing on the cap. Something of a habit that I never could stop. I could sense the girl still staring at me, but I thought it best to ignore it. Normally, I wouldn’t take my anger out on a stranger, but I was frustrated with Heidi. I know I did her wrong, but she didn’t know that. She was just jumping to conclusions like she always did. I figured if I could convince her that nothing happened between Miranda and I, we’d be okay. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

I watched my other classmates pile into the room, one by one. Each one looking drowsier than the next. First, it was Kara. A tall girl with long dark hair and pale skin. She held a Starbucks coffee cup in one hand and her purse in the other. I found it odd that people went to go get coffee in the morning. Not that I was against coffee. It just didn’t make sense to wake up early, only to go get something that would wake them up when they could’ve been sleeping instead.

She set to coffee cup down on her desk and squeezed into the chair. She sat her purse across her lap and pulled out her cellphone. She held it close to her body, behind the purse, as a method of texting without Mr. Morrison noticing. She was always sly about that. Even mastered the technique of texting without looking.

Next, it was Evan. A stocky kid with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was attempting to grow a beard, but it wasn’t working out too well for him. He was on the wrestling team, although I couldn’t imagine he was very good. I bet I could take him down in less than thirty seconds.

He plopped into his desk in the middle of the room, and immediately pulled out some kind of protein bar. He chowed down on the thing like he had never eaten before in his life. It was almost sickening to watch and hear his every bite. He was one of those b******s who didn’t know how to chew with their mouth closed, and it bothered the hell out of me. I so desperately wanted to get up and punch him in the face, but I decided against it. I really wasn’t about to get another detention over something so stupid.

Instead, I placed my head down on the desk and waited for the bell to ring.

“Will,” I heard jolting me back up to my normal sitting position.

“Hey Val,” I said smiling at her. Valerie was about the only motivation I had for showing up to this class anymore. She sat down in the desk beside me and dropped her purse to the floor.

“You’ll never guess who I ran into this morning,” she said with a smirk across her lips.

“Who?” I asked playfully, egging her on.

“F*****g Mike Mackovic!” she exclaimed, laughing. Mike Mackovic was her ex-boyfriend.

“I thought he was at college?” I asked confused. He was a year older than both of us and in his first year at college at Penn State on a football scholarship.

“Me too, but apparently he got kicked off the team!” she bellowed, laughing to herself. “God, I couldn’t believe it when I saw him. I was driving to pick up Jenny for breakfast. We drove to that bagel place over by the gas station on Harlem, and there he was, filling up his gas tank.” Her voice was far too excited, and I couldn’t help but smile. “I didn’t think it was him at first. He buzzed his whole head and shaved the beard, but I recognized his car immediately, that old piece of junk.” I wanted to get a word in, but Valerie was one of those girls that just never stopped talking. Always blabbering on about something, but honestly I didn’t mind. Her stories always seemed to make me laugh or take my mind off of things like what was happening right now. “I said, ‘Hey Mike, what are you doing here?’ and his face turned red immediately!” she screamed, snickering. She snorted when she laughed, and I always found that cute. “So then I said, ‘Aren’t you supposed to be back at Penn State? It is football season, right?’ and he said, ‘I got kicked off the team.’” She snorted louder, drawing attention from a few of our classmates, but she didn’t care.  

“How’d he get kicked off?” I asked, amused by her story.

“Apparently he got caught drinking with a couple other freshman players, and the coach kicked them all off the team!” she screamed, laughing even louder than before.

“Well you know what they say,” I said smiling at her. “Karma’s a b***h.”

“You’re damn right, Will,” she said, picking up her purse off the ground and rummaging through her possessions. She pulled out a cherry flavored chap stick and began applying it generously to her lips. God, I wanted to kiss her lips right then, but I shook those thoughts out of my head. She put the chap stick back in her purse, and looked over at me. “So how was your morning?” she asked with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair. “Don’t even get me started,” I said, looking up at the ceiling.

“What’d you say this time?” she asked, chuckling. I let out a deep sigh.

“I didn’t say anything,” I said, looking back at her. “She just always assumes I’m cheating on her.” I said it so subtly, I almost believed myself for a second.

“Well are you?” she questioned, staring into my eyes as though she could decipher some hidden truth within them.

“Of course not,” I said, staring back at her. If there’s one thing I learned in all of the trouble I had gotten myself into over the years, it was how to tell a damn good lie. She shrugged her shoulders, and started tapping buttons on her phone.

“Maybe you should,” she muttered, scrolling through one of the apps on her phone. I stared at her, but she didn’t look back. Was that an invitation? I thought to myself, but I didn’t have much time to think as the bell rang signifying the beginning of another dreadful hour of Biology.

Author's Note

Just something I strung together tonight. Thinking about making it into a novel. Give me your thoughts and first impressions. All criticism and reviews are welcome!

Reviews

[Rebecca]

Not as powerful as your other novel. I wasn't sure who the narrator was. good description of all the people the narrator (Mike?) is seeing.

[Splatman73]

Well the story has plenty of room to grow, though to me it seems it has too much. I'm not sure where this is supposed to go. An unclear direction can work if there is something else to care about, but right now the characters are just there.

It feels like events are just happening. The pacing also feels too fast. More description might help with that.

It's still a good start. Looking forward to reading more of it.

[Hannah Gardner]

This is really good, it makes me want to read the next chapters. I love your description and your beginning really entices others to read it. I really hope you make this into a novel.

[Sarah]

Thanks. I sort of scratched this one around chapter 7. Maybe I'll pick it back up someday. If you would like to read some of my other work, I have finished a novel and it's up here. Feel free to check it out!

[Hannah Gardner]

Okay I will, thank you for letting me know

[lilylorenzo]

hey i liked your story. if you can check out some of my writing and tell me what you think.

[William A. Wilson]

I know this is not saying much as I am a new writer and will need all the help I can get, I do however see that your writing style is very smooth and flows quite well. However, even while saying this, I agree with Mifa in the "create a more descriptive feel to your characters." as with any type of story, a great rule is to make your readers feel like they have fallen into the story itself. Give them every reason to follow it till the end of the book, and to do that, they need to know what they are looking at from any point of view, at all times. In my opinion, everything looks good; just remember that as a writer, you decide on the rules of writing, as long as the readers know those rules as well. Being as descriptive with the book itself that you have created, you need to show just as much love for the characters. I myself think that having less description of the characters is an okay idea because it gives the readers the chance to picture them however they want to (within reason of course), but this is my personal choice, and it is one that is most likely a bad one (I need to folow my own and Mifa's advice because I do the same as well). It truly is up to you how you want to describe them, just keep in mind that what you write is what the reader will see.
Ps. im giving this 95/100 based on what you already have done for your book.

[Sarah]

Thank you for the review. I'll certainly give it another thought. As far as writing, this is still very much a work in progress. If you want to check out something more polished, take a look at my other book. That one is complete and I'm in the process of editing it right now. Hope you take the time to read it!

[Mifa]

So, in your bid to avoid unnecessary expositions, you failed to give your characters a face -a look. This chapter was great; just like the other four. The dialogue gave the story a great flow and I enjoined it a lot. But i don't think phrases like "A tall girl with long dark hair and pale skin" or "A stocky kid with blonde hair and blue eyes" gives the kind of descriptive depth that is desired.

You have come a long way from your first try and like I rightly predicted, you're only getting better with each work. So while I work on trimming down my omniscient POV monologue expositions, thanks to pointers from you, I'd suggest you do something about giving a descriptive depth to what your characters look like as opposed to the generalize "pretty girl" "handsome boy" "storky kid".

All the best though. Looking forward to the next chapters after chapter four.

[Sarah]

Thanks for the review, but this is a first person narrative, and I'm describing the characters through Will's eyes. He doesn't know anything about them, so he can't really say more than mere physical descriptions.

[Mifa]

I understand that, but when you look at somebody, you don't just see their hair and height and skin, do you? And I would have thought the pattern was kind of Will's persona of not really caring but through Sadie's eyes the same thing come to play. I don't think there's any rule against a first person being descriptive or even having a little description of THE first person through their own ruminations or something. But then again, don't take my word for it. Like you, I'm still learning the ropes.

[Christopher Miller]

First impression is of a guy with anger issues. I'm curious about the girl who was looking at him, "princess". I wonder what makes him like Val so much more than her. I also found it odd that he says he's 10 minutes early for class himself, but finds anyone else's presence pathetic. But, that's part of what gives the idea anger issues. At '“F*****g Mike Mackovic!” she exclaimed, laughing. Mike Mackovic...' I think her saying his last name was a bit unnatural, and not needed since he gives it in the narration. It'd be less repetitive that way as well.
So he's sort of cheating on his girlfriend, but he's not concerned with her feelings so much as he's got to deal with them, and now he's wondering if he could cheat with his friend Val. Would this be the anti-hero route?

[Sarah]

Not really sure where I intend to take this yet. Just threw something together and liked it so I went with it. Does the male voice sound natural or no?

[Christopher Miller]

I thought so. It's what I might imagine goes through the head of someone who behaves like that. Especially fixating on his friend's lips. I might expect more sexual observations from him. Mentally rating every girl he sees. He describes what they're wearing, height, hair, but I'd expect a comment about every pair of breasts in the room. He's annoyed at "princess" but does he want to bang her? What is she out of ten?