December 21st, 2012

When all is said and done and gone,
We'll pack our souls away,
When our whole world turns upside down,
And night becomes the day.

When none but death and grief are left,
We'll stow our hearts in, too,
And keep them safe until the day,
The world begins anew.

We'll leave this blackened earth behind,
Our Mother, sick and cold,
A poisoned land with hot, cruel hate,
Caught fast in Satan's hold.

We'll lie in wait among the stars,
The moon will wax and wane,
Time will still run on and on,
Until we're born again.

Author's Note

This is sort of an idea for the whole "apocalypse" that will be occurring in about a week and a half or so. I don't really believe the world will end, but it certainly makes for a playful topic to toy with haha. Any criticism is welcome, thank you! :-)

Reviews

[SM Davis]

your meter is perfect. The third stanza is my favorite. I like the images. The only question I have is the second stanza, what will we store our hearts in? I must have missed it. It caught me up a bit going back to find out. The use of the word too, I think, is what got me.

Otherwise your mechanics are fantastic. Your imagery is crisp. Your poem is lovely.

[Katie Lynn]

Thank you for the ind review! Sorry for my late reply here, I don't check in as much as I should. For clarification on the second stanza: in the first stanza there's the second line "we'll pack our souls away". The second line of the second stanza was intended to be a continuation of sorts, where "we store our hearts in, too" means that we put them in the same place we put our souls. Sorry this was a bit confusing!

[pierced_rebel]

This reminds me of my ex best friend, my current best friend at the time this was written. She and her father were ADAMANT that the world was gonna end. It made me think a lot about what would happen in that situation. Very well written. I like it :)

[TL Boehm]

We'll lie in wait among the stars,
The moon will wax and wane,
Time will still run on and on,
Until we're born again.

Love this. A wonderful poem. thank you to Tate for sending me over here.

[Veronica Chandler]

This piece is skillfully written and an absolutely soulful and insightful write. I sincerely appreciate the following lines the best...
"When none but death and grief are left,
We'll stow our hearts in, too,
And keep them safe until the day,
The world begins anew."
It is not easy to take a theory which has been tried out in many "Post Apocalyptic" visions through movies, stories, and poems and yet make it uniquely your own. Well done!

[Undying Glory]

intriguing poem, and i'm glad you could weave a poem out of a topic like this one. nicely done here!

[Katie Lynn]

Thank you. :)

[Writer *78*]

Nice work even though it didnt happen. Makes you think that people need to open their eyes and start to look at the world differently.

-tips hat off to her-

-Writer *78*

[Katie Lynn]

Thank you very much! It wasn't too disappointing to me that it didn't happen. I still have much to do in life. :)

[spiritwind]

I like your thoughts on the subject
there was no agreesive anger
no pointing of righteous fingers
just a gentle melancholy
as the world packs it up
and I thought the poetic format just right
and thank you for extending the hope so beautifully expressed
in the last stanza.

[lee von cleef]

Yes it did not happen,or did it? Time is tricky, this is good, keep it up.

[Katie Lynn]

Thank you.

[TPK Stories]

This poem sure got me thinking.

[Katie Lynn]

I'm glad it did, I hoped it would.

[R J Askew]

The last line makes it all. Yes, we go but where to? Back from whence we came, our Universe.