Today i want to cry

Today i want to cry

A Poem by SasukiMimochi
"

Enjoy as you please

"

I feel the tug upon my heart
When i see my last heart peice fall
I wont be able to take it
And i will be alone
To those words so tart
I cant really be tall
Your eyes they spit
The pain of stone
I usually have no reason
To think your different
But with this treason
not a word indifferent
I can see you've realized something
Even if it's small, i want it to grow
Into something great i know
And when thats not growing
I feel a pain
and i kust wanna cry
In my heart i have a stain
I'll want to die
I miss your laughter
that you once had
Is it worth it after
To realize the bad
and to hold my heart
And wonder what i did wrong
My dreams like art
Sing out in song
And i listen to the words
so different and unique
I feel the herds
Riding over the weak
And i cant do much
But i do clutch
To those simple words
I've always wanted to say
As the souls crumple inwards
I say to myself this way
Today i want to cry

© 2009 SasukiMimochi


Author's Note

SasukiMimochi
appropriate critique is appreciated ^^

My Review

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Featured Review

I have to be honest and say that im not really sure what you were trying to portray here and tell the reader. It kind of came off as if you were just trying to find words that rhymed with each other. For example, "I feel a pain, and i kust wanna cry, In my heart i have a stain, I'll want to die". I'm not sure what youre trying to say here. How exactly can a heart have a stain, and what do you mean by it.
Maybe just elaborate a few things more and then this poem could be more understood!!!
You have great potential!!!
Keep up the great work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I have to be honest and say that im not really sure what you were trying to portray here and tell the reader. It kind of came off as if you were just trying to find words that rhymed with each other. For example, "I feel a pain, and i kust wanna cry, In my heart i have a stain, I'll want to die". I'm not sure what youre trying to say here. How exactly can a heart have a stain, and what do you mean by it.
Maybe just elaborate a few things more and then this poem could be more understood!!!
You have great potential!!!
Keep up the great work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Your eyes they spit
The pain of stone

I love these lines here, very well written write. I can feel the emotions


Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 15, 2009

Author

SasukiMimochi
SasukiMimochi

It is a mystery!, TN



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Hey! I'm currently cleaning up the site, removing works that aren't any good anymore, etc. you'll see new versions of works and some of my old works deleted. i'll still have them on my computer,.. more..

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