Blood on the Road

Just looking for honest feedback on this essay I wrote for a contest concerning teenage texting and driving.

Picture this, if your imagination can muster- a car, zipping down wet pavement. Rain pouring down, requiring every ounce of attention just to stay on the road. You were supposed to be home an hour ago- be it for your spouse, siblings, or curfew, I’m sure you can think up a proper enough reason. You aren’t breaking the speed limit, but you are surely “pushing the envelope” as people would say. You stop at an upcoming sign, you’re almost home- and you see headlights up ahead. Your car pulls to a complete stop, rain pouring down in horrid torrents and nearly deafening you- but you can see through the wavering windshield that the headlights approaching you, they don’t stop. They keep going, ignoring the bright red sign that drew your attention even in the dark. The car swerves, and it doesn’t stop. Oh good lord…

It didn’t stop.

2000+ pounds of solid metal that didn’t stop.

I’m fairly certain you don’t need a narrative to envision the rest, or the conclusion.

Maybe all “text and drive” incidents don’t unfurl like this one, but the gist of it is all the same. If that car, approaching our nameless character, hadn’t looked down, just for that one instant- our character may have made it home that night. Who knows what that second driver had looked down for? It could have been a party invite, a best friend sending a tweet, troubles with a girlfriend/boyfriend. But no matter the reason- for that moment, a small glowing screen took priority over a human life.

“I can multitask.”

“I’ll only look down for a second.”

“It’s really important, just this one time.”

“It’s a myth, I’m perfectly safe. I can’t do any harm.”

These are commonplace excuses, delusions, among the youth of today. I tend not to believe in the “fear tactic” among teens- but what I am telling you now is no fear tactic, it is me, telling you the truth, that your life, my life, our lives are worth more than a simple message!

Try something. Close your eyes. Imagine that stormy night. Picture your best friend, your mother, your sister, in that waiting car at the stop sign. A stranger is in the approaching car. Now picture this differently, a stranger is in the waiting car, and you are in the approaching vehicle. At some point in your life, perhaps every day, you will be faced with this decision. And I tell you- don’t look down. Think of your best friend, your mother, your sister. Think of them and don’t look down. Because when you look down, even if it is only once- it won’t stop. Don’t risk another human life for a piece of technology.

I didn’t give our nameless character an identity because I wanted to expose a crucial truth- that character is you. It is me. It is our families. It is a stranger. It is our friends.

Don’t be the next blood to be shed on the road, and don’t cause it either. Put the phone down.

Because it can wait.

Author's Note

Just looking for honest feedback on this essay I wrote for a contest concerning teenage texting and driving.

Reviews

[Kuandio]

Very good, you said a lot in a short amount of writing. I've been impressed with your ability from the beginning. You already write like an adult that's been at it for years. Was this for school? Anyways, the topic is very important as well. I hope there is some other solution besides hoping everyone does the right thing, something like the cellphones touchscreen capabilities shutting down when you get behind the wheel and only being able to use voice control. I think there's already something like that. Not sure how the car would tell the difference between a passenger and a driver.

[RedRozeNinja13]

Thank you for the feedback. I think this turned out rather well, and this is a topic I am rather adamant about. As I think you've picked up- I too am a teenager and unlike most of my peers, am dead set AGAINST texting and driving. One of my mother's friends was killed when I was young in a distracted driving incident, and I don't think any young child should have to see their mother cry for someone else's terrible decision. I don't think anyone should have to get hurt for someone else's terrible decision either. I think this turned out better than the average essay, but sadly I don't think it attacks the topic of "how to change the outlook on teenage and texting and driving" directly enough, and it is 114 words over the limit for the essay, and I simply can't decide what to take out.