Content

Sometimes I find myself feeling hollow and still knowing I’m blessed. It’s odd to know the opposite of what you feel.

disquieting discontent hovers
within this contented heart
distant skies blue on evening’s horizon
and the light still frames clouds silver
devouring these few moments
before sunset bleeds her sorrow
and the certainty of night blankets reality

I wonder if I will find
comforting dreams
choking nightmares
or neither, or both

have I ever had one without the other?
and does it matter
if it means I slept…

my happy self cries with a hidden agony
and I wonder if I’m sick
or just starved
emotionally anorexic …
yet I am craving satiations
the feast before me dry in my throat
I begin to wonder if I will ever swallow…

Pavlovian bells ringing in my ears
this dog no longer drools
becoming more than a dog
all else has become less
my hunt no longer serves a master
howling because words are useless
still, thoughts of you pet this beast
calling me to rise each day
knowing I’ll fade away
into the last remnants of blue
within my heart’s sky ~

Author's Note

I tend to write several thoughts into one one prose. I’m not trying to make a point as much as share the experience as it happens.

Reviews

[andrew mitchell]

Yes the older we get the more silent we become distancing ourselves from all the unnecessary rubbish out there.

[DIVYA]

before sunset bleeds her sorrow
and the certainty of night blankets reality

This is such a beautiful line as is the conclusion where you speak of fading away into the last remnants of blue within your heart's sky.

Life is a gamut of experiences and emotions, often so varied and contrasting, often flowing in and out quickly, sometimes too swiftly and before we can take in their impact to the fullest. That's why it's so good to document these thoughts and feelings as you go through them. Your imagery and expression is awesome.

[Scott Kris]

I think you understood this more than most.
Thank you for seeing what you saw here. It matters.

Scott

[DIVYA]

It was my pleasure :)

[Betty Hermelee]

I guess one can have opposing emotions at the same moment; you feel blessed , but disquieted; , hollow like something is amiss; as the poem progresses you, the Piet write as if you are confused about your opposing emotions; you also crave satiation….. a strong need;….and you mention another character…..who is this? Real or imagined?
Excellent poem, very strong and heartfelt……
Best, Betty

[Scott Kris]

I think you did feel my heart here. Thank you for the time to read and leave your thoughts.
Our little acts of kindness matter.
Sincerely,

Scott

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome!
Best, B

[John the Baptist]

The first part of the poem seems to describe the onset of depression. Sleep problems apparently exist, there is a feeling of being emotionally starved and there is also a sense of meaninglessness. Still, toward the work's end, the presence of another in the speaker's life is mentioned, the only bright light in an otherwise bleak landscape. My advice is to cleave to that relationship and also to stay away from alcohol and sharp implements.

[Scott Kris]

Ha. Well, I’m not suicidal or even depressed. But thank you for caring. 🤪
I appreciate the attempt to make sense of these pondering.
I do feel low at times. But mostly it’s a mix of complications.
When I read the first stanza to myself, I see the light lining clouds as the sun sets. It’s a beautiful setting and if one is paying attention, it’s very temporary. And I always pay attention to what you as and what is coming. I struggle to just be in the moment of “content”. Because it also is so often like the beauty of a sunset; momentary and temporary.
The sleep is just sleep. It’s wonderful when it’s wonderful. It’s a struggle when it’s a struggle and it’s always necessary.
Then I went off to thinking about how life’s energy is like appetite. Should just write four different poems. Ha. But this was a true reflection of one evening, sitting on my porch, watching the exact sunset in the photo.
Yes, there was bourbon. And a delightful cigar.

In the end, all is folly and death without our Christ. So, I prayed a while as well.

Thank you again for reviewing.

Scott.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

As we age we find that less will make us content than used to...
but we also reach an understanding that youth is gone, and our needs are not as physical as they used to be.
the dog would rather lie around than hunt.
j.