AFESS: Great Legs

AFESS: Great Legs

A Story by Scotty White

Action Figures Each Sold Separately is fan fiction based on scenarios from 80's toy commercials. Great Legs is a story about Frustration


Before you read the story click the link to the toy commercial below! It’s part of the fun!

                                                            “Great Legs”

“Chewbacca this way.”  

C-3P0 thought he heard the Wookie searching for him.   Of course since he was damaged he wasn’t sure if he was actually hearing him or perhaps it was a shadow from his memory banks.  The droid was barely functional as it was; thanks only to his emergency backup systems.  He wasn’t sure how long his power would last as his internal sensors inform him that he had fifty percent power one moment, and then thirty-two percent power the next, and sixty-four another moment.  It was very frustrating for him.

He could tell he was in a salvage pit, perhaps thrown in by those disgusting pig like creatures.  The Ugnaughts weren’t much of a step up from the Jawas back on Tatooine.  Threepio tried to calculate “Why it was the short alien species that worked in the salvage trade?  If only he had the power he could process it all, but those questions would have to wait; he had to focus his energy on keeping himself functional.  He needed to see Artoo again.

After all the the things the little, blue, astrometric droid had done to annoy him, he found his memories going to his counterpart. If only Artoo could see him now after crossing paths with an imperial blaster.  His head was barely attached, to his torso.  His arms and legs tossed among the scrap as so much forgotten trash.   Yes, even the always optimistic R2D2 might be inclined to agree. "We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life.”

There was another distinct growl.  It was the Wookie!

“Chewbacca this way!”

The protocol droid did his best to turn his head.  Maybe that would move his body enough so that the fuzzball could see him.  If only he could wave an arm or move a leg but the Stormtrooper made sure that wouldn’t happen.   As he saw the mighty Chewbacca climb down the scrap pit, his circuits were so overjoyed he calculated he could blow a few relays.  Luckily that wasn’t to be the case.

“Raaaaaaaar!” the wookie cried out but of course Threepio knew exactly what he meant.

“Yes I know I have gotten myself into a mess.”

Chewbacca picked up the droids leg and looked at the damage.  He reached into the pouch that dangled from his bandolier and pulled out a hydrospanner.  It would take a while but he was confident that he could put the droid back together.

“No, no, no Chewbacca there is no time.”

The Wookie howled in frustration.

“Take me to Han Solo and Princess Leia, I must warn them.”

Chewbacca roared again.

“I don’t know how.   Find a bag or something to put me in.”

Chewbacca turned and began pushing pieces of scrap out of the way.   Threepio watched and wondered how such a dull creature could fly the Millenium Falcon or be one of the best mechanics in the whole Rebellion.   He would need to purge those thoughts, after all he would need the Wookie to piece him back together later and the last thing he would need some rogue thoughts ending up on a computer monitor or print out.

Chewbacca returned with a black bag and picked up the droid’s torso and head before putting in the limbs.  He cut out two holes in the side and slipped it over his shoulders like a backpack.  The droid was heavy but not too much for the Wookie’s strength.  He just wished he could use his climbing claws to get out of the bin, but the emergency ladder would work just fine.    SInce he had joined up with Han he rarely had a chance to use his claws in a natural setting.  He missed it.  Chewbacca missed a lot of things, stupid life debt.

Once the pair was free of the scrap pit it wasn’t very hard hard to find Han and Leia.  Ever since they were stuck in the asteroid belt the pair had been odder than usual.   Threepio didn’t understand most human behavior, but Chewbacca on the other hand knew exactly what was going on: sexual tension.   

He wished for once, that Han would just stick a sock on the docking ramp so he would know he was giving the Princess something that the smuggler had given so many others.  The Tonnika Sisters, that Twi’lek gal back on Ord Mandel, Hell even Greedo’s sister.  If Han wasn’t going to give her the ole ‘Kessel Run’ may he should.  Then again...stupid life debt.

    “What happened?”  Leia question as she saw Chewbacca lugging Threepio down the corridor.

    Chewbacca roared but Leia’s Shyriiwook wasn’t the best. She looked to the damaged droid for guidance.  The Wookie was annoyed.  He had spent the time to learn to understand the basic speech of humanoids at least a princess from Alderaan could spend some time learning his native tongue.  Even Han knew it and he was an Imperial Academy dropout.  Chewbacca wanted to give her a piece of his mind, but in the end he kept quiet.  He kept quiet about a lot of things.  Stupid life debt.

“Princess, he said that he found me in a junk pile.”

    “A junk pile? How did he end up there?”  

    Chewbacca was going to answer that but the droid cut him off.  “Han, Leia, sneak attack.  I’m all in pieces.”

    “What a mess, put him down Chewie.” Han ordered, and the Wookie complied.

    “Who attacked you?” Leia asked.

    “Stormtroopers, there are Imperial Stormtroopers here!”

    Han shook his head. “He must be malfunctioning there aren’t any Stormtroopers here.”

Leia looked at Han. “How do you know that?”

    “Don’t you remember back in the Falcon on our way here, I told you Lando had no love of the Empire.”

    Threepio was going to speak, he knew he had been shot and thrown into the scrap heap. How else would it explain how he ended up in a bag strapped to a Wookie.  Then again Threepio couldn’t prove he wasn’t malfunctioning, perhaps he was still in the scrap heap, or worse stuck in the Jawa sandcrawler stuck on some infinite loop of processing memory.   Maybe this was his memory bank letting him know everything was going to be okay as the rest of his body was being melted in some recycling furnace. Threepio wondered why he had such dark thoughts.

    “Chewie do you think you can repair him?” Leia asked.

    The wookie gave a roar, and nodded so the princess would understand.

    “Lando has people who can fix him.”

    “I don’t trust Lando, remember the storm troopers.”

    Han smiled. “I don’t trust him either, he is my friend remember.”

    Chewbacca just watched the two prattle on like sick teenagers.   Even Threepio was growing tired of their endless game. He just wished Han would stick his info disk into Leia’s dataport or however Human’s mated.  Too bad those files were damaged.  While the couple played their little games  Chewbacca went  to work putting the droid together.

    With in no time he had reattached Threepio’s arms and one of his legs. Leia looked like she was impressed and perhaps finally offer the Wookie a compliment.  He was still sore about not receiving a medal back in Yavin, but deep down he knew all humans were racists. The Wookie struggle wouldn’t be solved here.  Instead of praise she ignored him and  patted Threepio  on the shoulder and asked.

“How does that feel C-3PO?”

“Wonderful” the droid replied.

Chewbacca had enough he stood up carrying the leg back and growled. “Rooooar”

Han just laughed nervously.  “Chewie says you have great legs.”

Leia joined in the laughter but Threepio tried to stop them.  “No he didn’t.   He called Leia’s mother a--”

The droid was cut off as the door opened and the administrator of Cloud City, Lando Calrissian stepped in smiling at Leia.  “I hope I’m not interrupting but would you join me for a little refresher, everyone’s invited of course.”






© 2014 Scotty White

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Added on February 1, 2014
Last Updated on February 1, 2014
Tags: AFESS, Star Wars, Fan Fiction


Scotty White
Scotty White

Dunbar, WV

I am a storyteller originally from Alabama who has been spending a few years in West Virginia before he makes his way to California. I have stories to tell and I hope you will enjoy them! more..