Chewing

"How did it start?"

I started to get nervous.

"When did it end?"

Who said, it did?

What do you think,

when there's an empty wall in front of you

Do you ponder the world, 

what's going on right now?

I thought of all the bad things,

the good things weren't enough.

Whenever something good happens to you,

something bad is happening to someone else.

Don't care?

Well then that's good for you,

you shouldn't care.

It's harder to care. 

I would stare for hours, 

until it was time for school.

Then, when I was there,

can you guess what I did?

No, I didn't do anything bad,

if that's what you were thinking. 

I was one of those kind hearted people,

no matter how much I thought about it.

Can you imagine,

being too scared of living.

But not having the guts,

to pick up anything and do the unthinkable.

I tore them off,

all of them. 

All the time,

because it eased it.

The unthinkable urge, 

the undying uncaring thoughts.

Did anyone really care,

they shouldn't I'm not a good person.

Maybe I'm the product of trauma,

but then I'm just making myself a victim.

How does my view on the world,

make a difference?

I wish every day,

that I didn't care.

Someone a thousand miles away could be getting hurt,

and I would cry because I thought it was sad.

I would want to help,

want to save them.

But you can't,

that is how reality works.

It wasn't like I was listened to,

what ever I said didn't matter.

Even if it was the most mundane of things,

what I heard on tv that morning.

I understood no one wanted to listen,

I understand that it was stupid.

But, when you have nothing else to talk about,

you get silent and no one notices. 

I'm a sick loser,

anxiety and silence.

I'm like that everyday,

so no one cares.

But I'm too scared,

so that's why I do it.

Tearing, chewing, eating, consuming.

All of them, every day until there's nothing left.

'And I am still chewing, and I'll continue to chew, until maybe, something will happen'

Author's Note

I thought this would be too long so I stopped it here. A girl who chews on her nails as a nervous habit.

Reviews

[Jonas]

It reflects the 'slacktivism' nowadays and the fact that as laymen, we're not able to do anything.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

NEVER stop a piece such as this, gritty, enveloping and perfectly flowed, well done, great read.

[Sami Khalil]

One of those psychological habits that has to be dealt with. You describe it marvelously...:)...........

[luvs2write]

Amazing. Anxiety holds us (me personally too) back from doing so much. Working to overcome it seems impossible...but I still have a little hope. I love how we got to be in the girls mind, and I love how you described the nervous habit of chewing your nails. This was really cool!! Keep writing!!

[Olivia]

This is great! I love how you get deep into the mind of the character.