A Realization

The words echoed through the empty apartment, the volume increased beyond the regular boundaries of sound, only by the way it was accompanied by my less-than-perfect voice. The song winding around to an end, the rest of the apartment dwelling in silence as my voice exclaims the final line; “I just wanna be a fence sitter, fence sitter with you”, and in those few seconds of complete silence between the end of this song and the next, I found myself experiencing quite a realization. I realized that all I wanted was to be that with you. I just want to be a fence sitter with you. On one side, a luscious expanse of green grass, beautiful rivers and exquisite scenery, whilst on the other: possibly a less appealing environment, albeit only unappealing to those who don’t know it like I. Upon this less appealing side, dead trees, dried riverbanks, and an expanse of emptiness. I realized that I didn’t want love, nor to be loved, I merely wish someone would sit there with me, on a bridge somewhere, inches from death, and spend our hours smoking cigarettes, exhaling the greatest oxymoron in the physical world, speaking of times past and things seen, experiences shared and those that were not. I realized that all I wanted was someone on the same page as me, not necessarily the same line, or even the same paragraph, just the same page. I want to share a page number with someone, to share a unique combination of those 26 letters that define our lives so subtly yet so definitively, to share a certain colour tone of our page, the aged, story-enriched look of those almost yellow pages belonging to the second hand books you own. I realized something in that slight slice of silence between the two songs, and that something was beautiful.