This Is My Epic Life

This Is My Epic Life

A Chapter by Shallowed

Chapter 2


            Well, I was right about the quick and painless part. In fact- I didn’t feel any pain whatsoever. Not even the slightest pinch. Am I dead? I don’t think so. Suddenly I gasped and the top half of my body shot up. I was sweating and crying. And I was alive. I looked down. I was sitting on my bed. That was a dream. I gave one of the worlds biggest “Thank the Lord!” moments.

            But something still left me troubled and bothered. Why did everything feel so real? It felt like I was really there. The only thing I didn’t feel was the pain. What had just happened?

I glanced at my clock and a new realistic worry arose. I was going to be late for school! I jumped out of bed and swung my backpack around my shoulders then I dashed to the stairs. I sled down the banister like usual. I can usually slide down gracefully but instead this time I fell off of it at the end and slammed my face against the hard rock wall. I groaned and straightened up.

            I walked into the kitchen and sat down in a chair and looked at the slop my mother prepared for breakfast. Oatmeal mixed with Brussels sprouts as usual.

            “Mom, this stuff again?” I moaned.

            “It’s your punishment for watching that Saw movie the other night.” She replies.

            I wasn’t happy but I didn’t complain. This punishment was far less worse then the other punishments I had before in my life. One time I had to stay in my closet for an hour doing nothing. And it wasn’t one of those comfy closets with a bunch of blankets and clothes on the floor; it had a bunch of boxes that held furniture that we didn’t take out when we moved here. So as you can imagine, it was pretty awkward with the way I was sitting, but no one was there watching me, thankfully. I tried to fall asleep in there, but it isn’t falling asleep when you have to keep your right leg sticking in the air while resting your head on the hard wall.

            “You watched that movie?” My younger sister Nina asked innocently.

            “Oh shut up you pig, you’re the one that ratted on me in the first place.” I snarled.

            Nina ignored me and continued to eat. Mom gave me a disapproving look for being mean to Nina.

            “I’m not going to be able to finish this.” I groaned and push my plate away. “Why can’t I eat cereal like Nina?”

            “If you don’t like what I gave you then stop wasting time and go to school.” Mom replies.

            I was about to say “But I take the bus and the bus doesn’t arrive until 20 minutes” but then I just remembered that I woke up later then usual and that the bus should really arrive in 1 or 2 minutes.

            “Well I guess I’m going then, cya Mom.” I said casually.

            “Don’t forget to say bye to Nina.” Mom says.

            “Bye witch.” I say with a fake smile to Nina.


            I barely made it to the bus. It was about to leave but I ran inside the doors before the doors closed and my backpack got stuck while the door was closing. I had to ask the bus driver to open it so I can pull my backpack in. (Which was pretty embarrassing.)

            I scanned the people in the bus. I walked to the back and sat next to my best friend “Alex.” I normally don’t start conversations so he did it for me.

            “Did you watch that Saw movie like I asked you to?” Alex asked.

            “Yeah for about 30 minutes until stinking Nina came in.” I replied.

            “She ratted you out?” He guessed.

            “As usual.” I sighed while rolling my eyes.

            He nodded then became quiet for the rest of the ride, which was unusual of him. He normally talks non-stop, which is why I can relate to him and why I became friends with him in the first place.

            “Something bugging you?” I asked as we walked off the bus into the school campus.

            “Nah. I’m… fine.” He said it like he was choosing his words carefully. He was still bugging me but I decided to not bother him about it. If he had some kind of fight with his parents or his usual “Alex drama” I don’t care. It’s best to stay out of his business most of the time.

            “Oh hey Jason!” A girl named Jessica said. Whoa. Real fireworks. I had a crush on her ever since- what? 2nd grade? She always acts like such a flirt and I think she feels the same about me as I do with her. Of course there are dozens of other boys in this school who probably want to go out with her, but I’m the only one with real anticipation of it. She has long blond hair and blue eyes. She has beautiful clothes and she has a nice voice. I- on the other hand, have ripped jeans, shirts with stupid comic slogans on them, messed up greasy looking hair, lame Velcro sketcher shoes, and I have a roller backpack. Besides that I’m not THAT bad looking. I’m OK I guess but I don’t know one fact about fashion.

            “Oh um… What’s up…? Ughh Hi!” I said stupidly while blinking rapidly.

            Jessica giggled then said,

            “When you’re NOT at a loss of words, you can talk to me at lunch.” She said slyly.

            “Ok.” I said pathetically. She walked away after that.

            Alex then strolled up next to me and smirked. He smirked his famous wow-you-fail-so-bad! Type of smirks.

            “Smooth move slayer.” He laughed. I grinned at him stupidly. The only reason why Jessica probably liked me was because I saved her life in 3rd grade. We were on a field trip to a science museum and she almost fell off a balcony because many people were crowding around us. I grabbed her hand and pulled her up. I was a hero that day. But soon after that, in 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th grade everyone forgot that and made fun of me as usual.

            Which brings me to the subject why ALEX is my friend. Alex is pretty popular. He hangs out with all the pretty girls and all the “cool” kids but he added me into his friends list. I’m nothing around his ranking but I’m his friend because I accidently blew up a cake in his 2nd grade teacher’s face. He hated her like hell and instantly became friends with me after that. I’m not going to explain HOW I blew up the cake because, well- Nevermind.

            Alex was pretty much my only friend. I could probably become friends with the nerds easily but I don’t want to make a bad impression to other kids about me. Not that the impression they’re under about me isn’t already bad but, whatever.

            The bell rang. I said bye to Alex and ran to my first class: PE. I jumped benches, skidded corners, and dodged poles to look cool in front of girls but they didn’t notice, but they did notice me when I hit my face against a tree. Naturally. Parkour just isn’t my thing.

            I ran into the boy’s locker room. This is the place I HATE the most. This was the perfect place for most people to go around pantsing people. Someone like me. I always get late for PE because I wait for the bell to ring so I can go in and change late without anyone in there taking my clothes, or giving me wedgies. When I was done changing into my PE uniform, I ran out into the yard to join up with everyone else.

            My PE teacher Mr. Dane is a very strict and intimidating guy. He even made Alex shudder under his rock hard stare. I was scared of him and always tried to avoid him. Whenever bullies made fun of me in PE he didn’t care. He doesn’t do s**t about anything. Sometimes he even joins in the joke and laughs at me. I want to report him to the principle but I’m too scared that he might stalk me and kill my family or something.

            I sat down next to a boy named Josh. He was the only kid who had sympathy for me besides Alex and Jessica. Well mainly because he is even a bigger target than I am. He wears ugly glasses that are pink and has a hole in one of his front teeth. He smells like the dump and he wears clothes that look like something from the 80’s. I felt bad because I knew deep inside that if I was a popular kid here, I would probably make fun of him along with everyone else.    

            Lately people didn’t bother me as much because bullies were scared of Alex. So he’s sort of like a body guard to me. So I became extremely surprised when I saw him walk into the field explaining to Mr. Dane that he switched periods and now he’s in first period PE with me.

            I high fived him when I saw him. A kid named Chad (A bully) Shifted uncomfortably and coughed when he saw Alex. I smiled. My lucks starting to turn! I turned toward Alex to ask him why he switched classes.

            “Well, I was failing Math so my Mom hit the roof and changed my Math class and teacher, but the only space available was in 8th period so I had to switch my PE period to first period.” Alex laughed. Alex always just laughs things away.

            I was angry that Alex was failing Math even after I tutored him for a few weeks but I was also half-happy that he was failing. Now Chad would leave me alone.

            Mr. Dane had to talk to another PE teacher, Ms. Jensen, probably to flirt with her. He made us go out into the track and run a mile. I was running beside Alex thinking to myself,

            “Why does Alex keep looking behind him? Why does he look… Afraid? As if he’s running from something? And why does he keep mumbling,”

            “Colt Jake, Save us all”?

© 2010 Shallowed

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Added on September 24, 2010
Last Updated on September 28, 2010



San Fransisco, CA

Wazzah? My name is Andrew. I love to write, read, game, play, listen, watch, eat, drink, laugh, and some other stuff. You will notice I write very satirical poems and strange stories. I have just post.. more..

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