Spring: For a Widow's Grass

Spring: For a Widow's Grass

A Poem by Shanna (Renae)

 

pushing

a green spear struggles

ever upward

 

reaching

for the warmth of the sun

bringer of spring

 

yearning

in the dark of the night

for the sun to come again

 

tasting

rich dirt, fresh breeze

God's world

 

singing

the birds above speak of love

and new life

 

passing

the brush of a soft shadow

here and then gone

 

feeling

the tickling touch of the bumble bee

on purple petals.

© 2009 Shanna (Renae)


Author's Note

Shanna (Renae)
The spears are popping up in our woods...

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Featured Review

Nice, poems of nature are always the best.

Fourth stanza, perhaps there is a better word than 'speaks' that can be used to more accurately portray the songs of birds. "sings," "prattles," "chirps," etc. 'Speak' is sort of out of place with songs sung by avian creatures. It's nit-picky, I know. But important nonetheless.

Sixth stanza, kind of vague. Would be stronger and perhaps more effective if you make some kind of mention of what kind of shadow passes overhead. A bird's shadow? A human shadow? Shadow cast by a passing cloud? Perhaps a shadow of the bee in the next stanza? I bring this up because it would be easier to 'see' this little picture that you paint if you give some kind of dimension or form to the shadow, something to give context to the reader's view. Something to make our 'sight' more vivid.

In stanza's two, four, and six, it would probably be more coherent if you add some sort of punctuation after the second lines such as colons or dashes, something to give the reader the hint that the third line of each said stanza relates closely to the second line. Otherwise, it decreases the flow with incomplete thoughts or ideas. But by joining them with punctuation, its speed becomes constant because the reader doesn't have to 'second-take' the stanza.

Overall, nice. Good use of sensory detail in stanza's two, four, six, and seven.

Posted 13 Years Ago


4 of 4 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

VERY Nice! Love this story about the coming of spring it really shows great emotion. I like it all, I can't pick my favorite line because another two always call me. Great job keep it up.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I LOVE THE VISUALIZATION. The imagery is fantastic.

I like the form....started counting syllables, and realized it's not metered at all. You were just judicious with your words. A lot to say with a little Ink.

Great Piece.

Markymark

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a very beautiful write so simple and flows like a breath a spring air, wonderful write.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

short, but with lovely images

Posted 13 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Bravo! *clap clap clap clap*
Gosh this is great. I always have problems with flow, so when I saw how well this poem flows I was truly in awe, madam, truly in awe.
I wish I could criticize a little more but this seems very polished if you ask me. I had maybe one or two problems with the second-to-last stanza. It left me wondering--which you might want to be doing, I don't know--what kind, who's shadow brushed over it. And was that all the shadow did? Did a hand not reach down and caress it?
Perhaps you could elongate that a bit. Perhaps you like it the way it is. Take this with a grain of salt.
Very good, thank you for requesting!


Posted 13 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

This is a excellent poem, I like how in essence shows the birth of spring, the wording and imagery
is beautifully expressed and refined with a nice, smooth, delicate touch, the syntax works well
at creating an environment detailed with full color, keep up the great work, you surely have talent

Posted 13 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Lovely lovely! And yes, the Widow's Grass are coming up in the woods! I love our wildflowers. I should write a poem about yellow bells or fawn lilies or spring beauties... again, lovely! Keep writing poems, and keep posting them so I can read them, sis.

-me, lol.

Posted 13 Years Ago


4 of 4 people found this review constructive.

What a great description of the world that God has made. I love the second stanza, "reaching for the warmth of the sun, bringer of spring" It reminds me without the sun, or God, there is nothing but winter.

Posted 13 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Beautiful. And quite delightful. I love poems about Nature. They always seem make people who pass the everyday serenity of it stop and say 'oh! you that's quite right...and now that I think about it...that's beautiful indeed' Lol. I for one can appreciate the miracles of everyday. And with that said, I can also appreciate the beauty of this poem. Thank you...

London

Posted 13 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Nice, poems of nature are always the best.

Fourth stanza, perhaps there is a better word than 'speaks' that can be used to more accurately portray the songs of birds. "sings," "prattles," "chirps," etc. 'Speak' is sort of out of place with songs sung by avian creatures. It's nit-picky, I know. But important nonetheless.

Sixth stanza, kind of vague. Would be stronger and perhaps more effective if you make some kind of mention of what kind of shadow passes overhead. A bird's shadow? A human shadow? Shadow cast by a passing cloud? Perhaps a shadow of the bee in the next stanza? I bring this up because it would be easier to 'see' this little picture that you paint if you give some kind of dimension or form to the shadow, something to give context to the reader's view. Something to make our 'sight' more vivid.

In stanza's two, four, and six, it would probably be more coherent if you add some sort of punctuation after the second lines such as colons or dashes, something to give the reader the hint that the third line of each said stanza relates closely to the second line. Otherwise, it decreases the flow with incomplete thoughts or ideas. But by joining them with punctuation, its speed becomes constant because the reader doesn't have to 'second-take' the stanza.

Overall, nice. Good use of sensory detail in stanza's two, four, six, and seven.

Posted 13 Years Ago


4 of 4 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 17, 2009
Last Updated on March 17, 2009

Author

Shanna (Renae)
Shanna (Renae)

Sunshine Spokane, WA



About
I'm the older sis of Jane. If she's not Jane anymore, don't worry about it. She has a thing about experimenting with new names. She's crazy, but awesome and we're the best of friends. She actually set.. more..

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