Spring: For a Widow's Grass

 

pushing

a green spear struggles

ever upward

 

reaching

for the warmth of the sun

bringer of spring

 

yearning

in the dark of the night

for the sun to come again

 

tasting

rich dirt, fresh breeze

God's world

 

singing

the birds above speak of love

and new life

 

passing

the brush of a soft shadow

here and then gone

 

feeling

the tickling touch of the bumble bee

on purple petals.

Author's Note

The spears are popping up in our woods...

Reviews

[[untitled]]

Nice, poems of nature are always the best.

Fourth stanza, perhaps there is a better word than 'speaks' that can be used to more accurately portray the songs of birds. "sings," "prattles," "chirps," etc. 'Speak' is sort of out of place with songs sung by avian creatures. It's nit-picky, I know. But important nonetheless.

Sixth stanza, kind of vague. Would be stronger and perhaps more effective if you make some kind of mention of what kind of shadow passes overhead. A bird's shadow? A human shadow? Shadow cast by a passing cloud? Perhaps a shadow of the bee in the next stanza? I bring this up because it would be easier to 'see' this little picture that you paint if you give some kind of dimension or form to the shadow, something to give context to the reader's view. Something to make our 'sight' more vivid.

In stanza's two, four, and six, it would probably be more coherent if you add some sort of punctuation after the second lines such as colons or dashes, something to give the reader the hint that the third line of each said stanza relates closely to the second line. Otherwise, it decreases the flow with incomplete thoughts or ideas. But by joining them with punctuation, its speed becomes constant because the reader doesn't have to 'second-take' the stanza.

Overall, nice. Good use of sensory detail in stanza's two, four, six, and seven.

[Adeline]

awesome description of spring and how it arrives! nice work, can't wait for more! :D

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

I really like this poem...its very good...can't wait to read some more of your writings
Great Job :)