Winter Morning

This house,

A living body.

Steam released

in the frost of morning,

It breathes.

Each release of hot air,

swirling and flowing

into empty space

energy wasted,

converted, 

and abused

by the living.

It shall be repaid.

as you fall asleep

and grow cold,

the deep soil will embrace you,

like a mother longing

for her child. 

What you have done

will not matter, 

there is no need

for fear of leaving this place.

It will not care,

nor will it ever.

Author's Note

want to work on spacing and punctuation, any suggestions on improvement is welcome

Reviews

[L.P. Hawkins]

This is very nice. I enjoyed the entity/non-entity contrast you bring to the house. Suggestion: don't use "Release" twice so quickly (stanzas 1 and 3). Another hiccup was stanza 6 which skips defining the house and talks about a death burial--with so much description, it takes away from the definitive of the main topic. It can be amended-- even without dropping words if you rearrange the line/stanza length. Another suggestion is that you essentially have full/proper sentences in the last 4 stanzas; in poetry, stick to one style

Suggestion (only) for a 2/3/3/2/2 line to correct grammar (again, this is one way to arrange it grammatically--"poetically", you can arrange the lines however you wish if this is free-verse):

This house--a living body.
Steam released in the frost of morning: it breathes.

Each [discharge] of hot air swirling and flowing into empty space:
energy wasted, converted, and abused by the living;
it shall be repaid.

As you fall asleep and grow cold,
the deep soil will embrace you
like a mother longing for her child.

What you have done will not matter;
there is no need for fear of leaving this place--

it will not care
nor will it ever.

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Very good work. Pen On. Do u read mine 2 Time, why and Manner?