I Thought I Saw Something In You

Love hurts.

I Thought I Saw Something in You

When I saw you it was in the rain,

Your hair was wet; your shirt was stained,

You leaned against the dark flat wall,

Waiting for your parent’s call.

 

I looked astray to meet your eyes,

You didn’t notice, my heart cries.

I felt a burn beneath my heart,

Like a speeding race go kart.

 

From that day on I carefully saw.

Your every movement and every call,

You immediately became part of my life,

You also became the feared knife.

 

Your looks would send me flying up high,

Your glares made me want to die,

I felt no one else could ever stay,

When all was gone, you would lay.

 

When I finally thought you should know,

I loved you now; I’ll love you so,

I knew you were different from the past,

I thought our friendship would stay to last.

 

I sacrificed a close friend of mine,

I knew from then you weren’t worth the fine.

I took my chances; I told you the truth,

It didn’t take a detective or a sleuth.

 

I lost to you, your treacherous grin,

I lost a friend, I earned a sin.

You rejected me, I thought wrong,

Our friendship would never live that long.

Love is something I will never do,

I thought I saw something in you!

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

Forgive me for my bad choice of words, perhaps, but reading your poem going down, I feel as though I am giving it one long lick!! ...like the wallpaper on Willy Wonka. Pretty colors, buuuut you are such a girl. lol Love it. The mood of the poem is certainly dark in the first person view, but it has this "I remember when" tone to it to remind me that things have passed and it is O.K. now, hopefully. If I offered any kind of criticism that would remove a distraction, it would be: Remove the "ending" punctuations and leave a space above and below the poem, so as to center it and make it pop. It pops with content as much as color, but the centering would make it stand out. Also surprised that no one else has written here, being that this is possibly the first one you have uploaded to the site. The title grabs at you. How does it not?! Having the text in the poem shift between I, you, and your" makes the intent both surreal and accepted on many levels where it is realized and respected throughout the composition. I Love it. I am, also, jealous when it comes to people who have felt such things in their life, but only from the girl's point of view. I have never had any poem written for me or TO me. I will not disrespect this poem by picking apart silly things like the repetition of the word " I " because it actually fits here and seldom does anywhere else!! It's dark, sure, but your passion for wanting that need to reach inside yourself to discern whether you deserved to go through this, and if HE deserved your attention or time spent on him, is awesome. This is not "baggage". This is a girl who is excited about being free inside a mind that tests her daily, but does not keep her down. She is willing to stick out such things, as long as they are proven not to overwhelm or recreate her in a way that upsets or diminishes such a beautiful spirit. Hell... I could also be wrong. : ) Beautiful Sharihe.... xox -Mark

[Sharon]

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it!