Short man cuckoo'd

Short man cuckoo'd

A Poem by Shazbatt969

In boat box
Ouch !

The context
of living in 
a smaller place
than me

© 2019 Shazbatt969

My Review

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Frankly, I'm not completely taken away with this poem. There are some fresh original things going on which I admire. But overall, it feels disjointed. In the first stanza, you show instead of tell. But then in the second stanza, you tell instead of show. I would've preferred if you continued showing instead of telling & letting the reader guess what this was all about. When you lead a reader to your desired understanding, you might miss a completely different reading some reader may have & share. For example, this could be about how it feels to be a perfectionist, being hemmed in becuz you're afraid to branch out & take risk & possibly fall on your face. The second stanza only needs a tiny adjustment to be more "show" (ex: Too-tight boundaries chafe my skin and raise my hackles -- something like this allows the reader to take this "hemmed in" feeling any number of different ways. Always try to let your words expand in the reader's mind, instead of trying to control how they interpret your words (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 4 Years Ago

gram linski

4 Years Ago

Wow you sound like my old English teacher, no bad thing, she inspired me to write, didn't think just.. read more
I think you know how to intrgue or perhaps tease the reader somewhat. I was left feeling the protagonist felt hemmed in rather than constrained by a small living space? The opening stanza is enegmatic and leaves the reader trying to visualise.

Posted 4 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

John Alexander McFadyen

4 Years Ago

Indeedykins we do. Blank pages and beer seems a stimulant for another poem me thinks. Race ya to it .. read more

4 Years Ago

The blank w***e of poetry
The blank page wank
the whisky vomit speak
dead trees.. read more
John Alexander McFadyen

4 Years Ago

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2 Reviews
Added on May 28, 2019
Last Updated on May 28, 2019

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