Barely Breathing

 

My heart rise and fall, with each breathe I take

Inhale and exhale, as I exasperate

Barely breathing, in this world you see

Chasing down death, to set me free

 

I'm smothering, suffering, and dying in vain

I cease to live, and I have no shame

I'm barely breathing, yet my heartbeat is strong

The fact still remains, I wish to be gone

 

I'm tired and weary of being alive

Weak in the mind, with no will to survive

Why must I be in this kind of state

I'm already dead, but fully awake

 

Misery lingers as the days go on

Maybe this time, it won't be for long

Still hanging on, searching and seeking

So I won't linger here, barely breathing

Author's Note

If I cease to exist...then I cease to suffer

Reviews

[.Bunnie.]

Overall, I'd say a very great poem--full of emotion. Sorry you're having a rough go of it! It happens in life...but things will change. Where one door closes, several more open. Always remember that. Think of the ending of a chapter the beginning of another. :) Great job showing emotions, though.

(Not to be a nit-picker, but I noticed a few lines that could use some editing.)
"My heart rise and fall, with each breathe I take" .....Wanna maybe try 'rises' and 'falls'?

Also, on this next line...exasperate doesn't quite sit well. Exasperate means to annoy or provoke.
"Inhale and exhale, as I exasperate" -- ...What are you exasperating? Maybe try another word, like...deteriorate.

"I cease to live, and I have no shame" Instead of cease, maybe try using 'refuse'. If you cease to live, that means you're dead. On the next line you say your heart is strong....just kinda contradictory. Unless if you mean like, you cease to live on the inside--like, emotionally. I don't know...just kinda doesn't sit well.

Just a couple tiny things I noticed! I think with a little editing, this poem could be perfect--a really great piece. Either way, still great job! :)

[Jills]

It is hard to get up each day, suffering and wanting to have it all end.
Your rhyming scheme was nice, and it had a good flow, since you didn't just throw a word don't take make it fit with the scheme.
For every new line, you don't have to capitalize the beginning of the sentence, but as for this piece, I think that it fits, having each statement short and to the point.
Nice write

[grim]

It is amazing the feelings you express are my best friends now. It seems that I am beginning to cherish death more than life.

[deeps]

This is a well expressive write
I can feel the pain and hurt.
Well written

[Magdelena]

This was amazing. I felt your pain, suffering inside your words. Oh how we suffer within ourselves, yet no one hears!

You brought the reader in to what you put forth. That to me is a fantastic write...

Mag xx

[Ich bin das Giftmä..]

What another beautifully written piece. Great job